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arneal

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  • Date Widowed
    2/1/16
  • Cause of death
    Heart failure


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  1. Julester -- thank you for sharing and that makes me sad to read as well. It never ceases to amaze me how uncaring some people are in relationships where they claim to love the other person ...
  2. Hi, tybec -- I am online because I am working ... not arduously, but still 😅 online teaching can get out of hand with the grading if I don't check in, especially across long weekends. Students tend to do more on weekends, particularly if they are working, so there it is. Things are plugging along here. BF is inching closer to the end of his educational program for his business venture. We haven't had any sort of planning conversation but as the start-of-year teachings at my church are all about goal-setting and planning, I am sneaking up on it. I will be gone for a week coming soon but before I go, there will be three weeknights of church service so I will change our usual routine. Before I go, I hope to give him some food for thought so we can work together to figure out what's next. Hope everyone is doing great!
  3. Thanks, sudnly for that perspective. We all deal with death differently, for sure. I am hoping to have someone dump my ashes in the Atlantic Ocean after I go ... not sure who that would be and like you said, once I'm gone I won't know what's what anyway ...
  4. Thanks, tybec -- I think it's just one of those things. He was really sick, no one knew how sick, so we were on our own. He dies, no one is still around. The hazard of having a small family ...
  5. Not enough heart emojis for your posts, tybec, so here's a few: 💗💗💗💗💗 So glad you were able to have that conversation with your BF. You certainly deserve a great new thing! Tell him we said so 😁 Hope your get-away is wonderful for both of you and it's nice that he is going to be there with you as you visit the cemetery. Writing that reminded me that, even though I've only been back east once since LH died, I had no desire to visit where he is buried. He was cremated and his ashes were put at his parents' burial site; his mom is the only one with a headstone. He had wanted to get one for his dad and we didn't do it before he got sick and then died. I haven't had the energy to pay for one more thing related to his death, to be frank. I feel guilty even thinking it. I feel like I should pay for headstones but then feel like his grown daughter should pitch in there somewhere ... Since I can't come to a good place with any of that, I haven't done anything. It's always looming though ...
  6. arneal

    On line dating vents and laughs......

    Virgo -- the guilt that it seems we all feel ... what is that?? My LH was very clear that he wanted me to go on but there are days when I feel weird about it. I mean, I am in this house, in this bed, with a different man than the one I was with when I bought the house ... the truth of it all is that death changes us all, for the good or the bad. The guilt is of course different, depending on our experiences.
  7. Maybe you all can find balance next NYE, Jules. I can't remember the last all-nighter I had for that day lol. LH and I rarely spent NYE together while he was performing and after his health started to decline, we always turned in early ... I don't think I have it in me to be up all night anymore. BF and I turned in around 11pm our time but said happy new year at about 10 since it had already gone the new year on the east coast lol.
  8. Hey, Jules: it is something when we seem to suddenly be into a space that is so different from what we are used to, isn't it? I am glad you and your BF had a good holiday through it. Do you think you will tell him about your sadness? It's probably a tough call since you aren't seeming to suggest he should have done anything different but that it was simply a different experience, suddenly, for you. Maybe helping him understand will be a good thing. Hard to explain maybe, but a good thing ... Oh tybec, I am sorry to hear about how things went. It makes me want to jump in my car, drive over, and shake your BF by the shoulders. He is missing out on a great person here. Ugh! If even his mom is catching that something is a bit awry, hoping he opens his eyes. And so good for you that you told him all that. {{{hugs!}}} We are in a sort of comfy pattern around here. I don't know if that's good or bad. BF seems content, which is a good thing, and I don't mean that we should be in the midst of turmoil constantly, but there's this sort of weird unspoken vibe. I think it's just me, overthinking. He is his usual self, no changes there. I know he is concerned about finances while he is working on building his business and getting things off the ground. I of course always have ideas but am working hard to keep my mouth shut since it's his thing. As we often say around my workplace, 'not my circus, not my monkeys' ... I try to wait until he asks before I jump in. Emotionally for me, I think something is brewing -- not anything bad, but something ... we'll see.
  9. arneal

    On line dating vents and laughs......

    Hey, Jen: new things are sometimes difficult to adjust to, even when they aren't that new. Maybe take time to think about your own space: what is it that you want and 1) aren't seeing in this new relationship, 2) are seeing and are surprised by, 3) like and/or love about it, 4) dislike and/or hate about it, 5) are afraid to ask for? Tough questions, yes, but necessary ...
  10. Hi, all! So glad to see you in a new year 😍 The university where I work full-time is closed to the students for nearly two weeks at Christmas; only the adjunct faculty don't have to work but I took the time off as I had it. It was wonderful to disconnect from my laptop for that time but I have been back to the daily since Wednesday. Christmas was just another day. I don't wait to give gifts anymore; if I have the ability to give them, I do, whenever I can. BF had gotten what I planned to give him closer to Thanksgiving. We spent the day, resting, gaming, and eating. He was a bit somber after all the crap this year with his daughter and not seeing his granddaughter. He worries that she will grow to dislike him because of her mom since he isn't able to see her at all. The house phone kept ringing since my mom and others wanted to send along glad tidings. I didn't hear from my son, which is no surprise I suppose; my last conversation with him, I told him to let me know if he didn't want to talk to me. He's an adult (will be 24 in March) so if that's his decision, he'll have to be the one to live with it. It seems he's finally written me a letter that is due to be delivered today, his house mom said. Life goes on ... overall, nothing has changed for good or bad, which is fine. I don't make resolutions since stat's show that most of them are either broken or forgotten before the end of February. I do make plans though! I have gained too much weight this last year so I want to drop some of it at least. I have a neighbor-friend who had weight loss surgery (from September to December went from the low 200s to 138 or so!) and is having many health-related troubles. I am growing to enjoy cooking more and more so I can't imagine not eating what I like. It's about discipline and since BF was fussing yesterday about not fitting some of his trousers, I suspect he won't mind some culinary revisions either. Our church does a corporate fast at the start of the year so I am in the midst of that. He hasn't joined in 🤣 I also will be doing more in service with the church as a volunteer. It means I'll be out of the house more, which is good. BF will get his business going this year so he'll be busy too. I have a couple of other personal things in the works ... updates as they finalize! Be well, friends, until next time!
  11. Hey trying2! Funny you mention beef and potatoes; that's what we had last night. BF did the beef and I did homemade mashed. I am more of a gift-giver than he is, although our first Christmas together, he went all-out. They were quite the romantic gifts, I would say. Things were bad with his daughter last year and he didn't do anything at Christmas, other than cook a little. I don't expect to get a gift this year, with him being in school and all. It is what it is. I've already mailed out my Christmas cards, sent a gift to my mom and son, have a package for my sister-friend, and put a decoration on the front door. He can be sad if he wishes; I will let him alone to do so. He's been thinking about the kids and his granddaughter lately, not sleeping well. I don't get in it. He has to work it out for himself; all I can do is be there to listen as he feels the need to talk. I try to do that as best I can without casting judgment. Yes, time does fly, doesn't it? We've had our third Thanksgiving dinner together, this will be our third Christmas, and it's been 11 months since he moved in. May will be three years since our first date.
  12. Happy almost-birthday, tybec! Too bad we aren't close to each other -- my 50th is in February and I have no idea what I'm going to do. BF doesn't really celebrate holidays or birthdays. After so much loss and as an only child, I become a kid about it all 😆 I haven't told him but I ordered a Christmas dinner for us from the same company I got our Thanksgiving lamb. It will be interesting to see what he thinks.
  13. arneal

    On line dating vents and laughs......

    Congrat's to both of you, LF and Rob!!!
  14. Agreed on the green beans, sudnlysngl! Casserole, nope 😅 Not getting any younger, how true that is! LOL! Oh, and it was my LHs uncle, not BFs. It was one of those moments where I was getting calls from the people I am still connected to while his BFs phone was quiet. I felt bad about that. I have been thinking about the conversation more and more, not from the social media standpoint necessarily but for real life purposes. We are each other's emergency contact and since he is about to go into business for himself, he will have to decide a succession plan and so forth more I think than I do. I have a standard insurance and retirement through work and can assign beneficiaries but because of real property, I will need to update my will. If he's going to stick around, I have no problem putting him in there. If not, I'll be one of those folks who says sell everything and leave part to my son, my dogs, and my church 😂

Personal Information

  • Date Widowed
    2/1/16
  • Cause of death
    Heart failure


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