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arneal

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  • Date Widowed
    2/1/16
  • Cause of death
    Heart failure


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  1. sudnly, I certainly feel you about the forgiveness issue. Our congregation just wrapped the annual communication and relationship series and as part of it, we read the Five Love Languages. There was a passage in there about forgiveness; it basically covered this very thing. Forgiveness can only occur when the other party is repentant about what they did and how it hurt us. If they aren't able to do that, we can't actually engage in the process of forgiveness; however, releasing them from our lives in prayer and allowing God to work with them is how we move forward. It sounds like that's where you might need to remain with your sister ... and from a distance at that
  2. arneal

    On line dating vents and laughs......

    Well, sure Virgo, I get it. But it's also that some men move faster than women because they are excited and aren't sure what to do If you set the tone, you'll likely find and develop the relationship you're looking for.
  3. Oh, sudnly. {{{hugs}}} and safe travels. You must get away from such a toxic environment. May you find peace with your friends! Keep us updated!
  4. arneal

    On line dating vents and laughs......

    Virgo -- so sorry you haven't found that 'one' (or more LOL) that sees the greatness in you. Maybe ask them what they are looking for instead of giving advice; that way, you can show them that you are the one they're looking for
  5. What trying2 said, tybec. And I hope my post didn't come across incorrectly. What I was meaning was that 'if you are angry, I'm angry too' ... not that I'm angry 'at' you. Words matter, as I tell my students all the time and I might have flubbed that one.
  6. arneal

    On line dating vents and laughs......

    Why, tybec? My LH was 62 when he died and my son with special needs was around 19 at that time. They got along wonderfully. Age is a number; what matters is the vibe between all of you. I too am 50 and people are shocked when I tell them that. Don't close off the possibilities before you've seen who's out there
  7. Oh, tybec .............. First, {{{{{hugs}}}}}} Second, I'm angry with you. What the hell is that? I mean, if you had an ex who was around with the children you had together and NG was trying to see you, would he have been okay? Doubt it. And so kids and dream job means that he doesn't talk to you about possibilities, to get your input, to assess how you feel too? I am so sorry, hun and hope you'll pop back in, just to say hi and let us know you're okay?
  8. sudnly -- you are so fabulous! I love it that you Law & Order'ed your landlord LOL! It is also great to read that you have been blessed in so many other ways during the process -- the medication, the disintegration of the blood clot, and the camper? Yay, you!!!!!!!
  9. Hey, tybec and thank you -- for sharing and for your well-wishes! sudnly -- just keep on truckin! And like trying2 said, what's up with the deposit? Likely he'll take his time that landlord, but I suspect there's something in your paperwork about how long he has to give it back. Our church has an annual thing they call a marriage or relationship seminar. They have books and materials for us to learn with, like the five love languages. NG doesn't go with me, which is a blessing of sorts because I get to practice what I learn without him knowing LOL. I've become better at listening I think. One of my prayers was for wisdom when it comes to understanding his motives for action or inaction and why he does things the way he does. I've learned a lot about him, just in the past few weeks of trying to be silent, to listen, and not try to offer a solution or an 'I think' comment. I must be on to something because he's not one for giving compliments generally, but he paid me one today. Keep on your path, friends.
  10. Traveling with loved ones in close quarters is never easy. Just remember to breathe, friend!
  11. sdnly -- you so have the makings of a book AND movie with this. Wow. Glad you and your sister are okay.
  12. Growing is always good, tybec! Thank you for sharing!
  13. So sorry Sugarbell. I imagine what it would be like for me if I was back home (southern NJ). I'd be alone for sure, or would spend most of my time in the city pickin's were more than slim, they were none when I was there. I am in southern California, so tons of people. However, also tons of fakery. I did online dating and ran into some real winners ... grateful I didn't give up and got a lot more choosy. I mean, meeting someone and spending time is an effort no matter what. As we get older, we have standards and expectations. I hope there's more to NG than nice and good-looking for you, Sugarbell. We all also make some sort of concessions, both men and women, because that's what compromise in relationships is about too, but don't settle just not to be alone ...
  14. So sorry Sugarbell. I guess it will be important for you to decide if formal marriage and life together is something you want. All of us bring our baggage, whether it's kids, past hurts, financial constraint, whatever. We just have to decide what is right for all involved, especially ourselves and those under our care. Wow, sudnly. You go, girl for keeping all that trail of evidence! You're like CSI!!! Good for you. I pray your safety through the final hurdles here.
  15. Hey there, Sugarbell: it sounds like you have incredible children -- that is a blessing! LH's daughter, who I've shared about, is not an under-achiever, but seems to lack the motivation her dad had. Because of where he was in life, her mom had her via primary custody back in the day. It was not (and I'm gathering in some places, much hasn't changed) uncommon for the mom to nearly always get the kids, even when she was obviously not the best choice when it came to how they would be raised. LH's daughter has a lot of expectations of the world but doesn't seem to see that she has to put in her share, in the right way. My son has special needs; LH took him on like a dad. It didn't matter. My son was still disrespectful and harmful and I dealt with him, every time I found out about it. Like you, I have never taken any crap from him. LH didn't take crap from his daughter either, but because she knew in her mom's house, the rules were different, she would run 'home'. Our house was 'home' when she didn't like how things were going with her mom and vice versa. BF was't easy on his kids and in some ways, I would say he was too tough. I don't mean that as in 'his punishments were too hard on them' but rather it was how he said what he meant. There are times now that he'll say things and if a person were just listening to the words and didn't know him as a person, they might be taken back a few steps. I often reframe when I talk to him, which is something no one in his life has done -- from his formative years through adulthood. That's not a bad trait, his forthrightness, in his role as a leader in his field or even when he was in the military, but as a 'regular person'? It doesn't always work. I try to stay mindful of the fact that most of us aren't the first chapter for our significant others, just like they aren't our first chapter. Even though we are on to a second (or third, or fourth, whatever it might be) chapter because of the death of the previous, it doesn't mean stepping into the new is any easier for either of us. Or our kids. Especially when we each bring a different skill set (or lack thereof) to the table. Can each of us grow? Sure, I hope! But will it be seamless and easy? Not always. Sigh.

Personal Information

  • Date Widowed
    2/1/16
  • Cause of death
    Heart failure


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