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arneal

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  • Date Widowed
    2/1/16
  • Cause of death
    Heart failure


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  1. So sorry Sugarbell. I guess it will be important for you to decide if formal marriage and life together is something you want. All of us bring our baggage, whether it's kids, past hurts, financial constraint, whatever. We just have to decide what is right for all involved, especially ourselves and those under our care. Wow, sudnly. You go, girl for keeping all that trail of evidence! You're like CSI!!! Good for you. I pray your safety through the final hurdles here.
  2. Hey there, Sugarbell: it sounds like you have incredible children -- that is a blessing! LH's daughter, who I've shared about, is not an under-achiever, but seems to lack the motivation her dad had. Because of where he was in life, her mom had her via primary custody back in the day. It was not (and I'm gathering in some places, much hasn't changed) uncommon for the mom to nearly always get the kids, even when she was obviously not the best choice when it came to how they would be raised. LH's daughter has a lot of expectations of the world but doesn't seem to see that she has to put in her share, in the right way. My son has special needs; LH took him on like a dad. It didn't matter. My son was still disrespectful and harmful and I dealt with him, every time I found out about it. Like you, I have never taken any crap from him. LH didn't take crap from his daughter either, but because she knew in her mom's house, the rules were different, she would run 'home'. Our house was 'home' when she didn't like how things were going with her mom and vice versa. BF was't easy on his kids and in some ways, I would say he was too tough. I don't mean that as in 'his punishments were too hard on them' but rather it was how he said what he meant. There are times now that he'll say things and if a person were just listening to the words and didn't know him as a person, they might be taken back a few steps. I often reframe when I talk to him, which is something no one in his life has done -- from his formative years through adulthood. That's not a bad trait, his forthrightness, in his role as a leader in his field or even when he was in the military, but as a 'regular person'? It doesn't always work. I try to stay mindful of the fact that most of us aren't the first chapter for our significant others, just like they aren't our first chapter. Even though we are on to a second (or third, or fourth, whatever it might be) chapter because of the death of the previous, it doesn't mean stepping into the new is any easier for either of us. Or our kids. Especially when we each bring a different skill set (or lack thereof) to the table. Can each of us grow? Sure, I hope! But will it be seamless and easy? Not always. Sigh.
  3. sudnly -- thinking of you and lifting you in prayer, sister. Oh my. Yes, what laurie said -- be very careful and don't overdo it. When LH was on thinners, he would get tired or lightheaded. Be careful standing up too fast and all that. Brighter days, friend. Brighter days. 💕
  4. It's got to be tough, trying2, especially with an intuitive daughter like yours. If she's uncomfortable, that's saying something for sure. And yeah ... the 'they are kids' excuse when they are over 20? No ... they are 'his' kids, but they are adults. However, maturity and what they've been allowed to do are a totally different thing.
  5. Hey there, sudnly -- know that we are counting down with you and look forward to hearing good news! I talked with LHs cousin yesterday; she recently stepped out of her home (she is a widow as well) and moved into a condo/townhouse/something lol. She sounds very happy and I hope your story is similar! Since this was a home she owned, the moving process is a little different, but the thing is, she is so at peace. Ah, being human ... while that is so very true, I know that I am more than a conqueror because of my faith. It could be soo much worse!
  6. trying2: that's a great philosophy, being quiet ... I've got to practice it more. Despite my best efforts, I end up with 'hoof in mouth disease' LOL. I talked with my mom yesterday and I heard myself: 'guess who called me?' and then it was off to the races. I tried to not sound so horrid, but I feel like I can't talk to anyone about it. I have one cousin, she's actually LH's cousin but she and I have always been close and shared things like this. She's had a rougher work schedule than I, so no one to bounce it off of and here I am ... oh, well. And this too shall pass ...
  7. Hey there, Jules -- ah, back to school. Yes, my dogs are having fits because the kids are all walking past the house again. I like the quiet of summer Hoping you and your guy find time to spend together; even when you are content in your own spaces, it's good to keep some regular time together to maintain relationship. Wow, tybec!!!!! The timing is not ours, but it's always perfect. It takes someone with open eyes to see the big picture. I think I once told the story about LHs ex. She actually stood in front of a magistrate with LH and I present and said she didn't believe he was as sick as he said, that he was just saying those things to not pay support. The magistrate lost her mind in there and told ex to NEVER say anything like that again. She told ex that she had the medical records in front of her and if she ever heard anything like that again, she would try and cancel the order all together. It was incredible. I was so angry for a lot of years after that. I couldn't look at the woman. I struggle not to be so negative about them. When I was on the phone with LHs daughter yesterday, I couldn't believe how she talked in front of her mom. I mean, to each their own and especially if an adult, but there is no way that I would use such language casually. And I don't mean just because I'm in front of my mom. We were talking about some of her dad's items and she said 'I don't know how he lifted them because those m***rf***kers are heavy!'. I have never even used the abbreviation for that word in front of my mom LOL! BF and I were talking about switching the mattress and I told him I needed to keep one of the cabinets from being blocked. I mentioned that I talked to LHs daughter and the more I shared, the more negative I sounded. I am praying to just not talk about her anymore. I don't like that side of myself.
  8. Thanks so much, Trying2! Yes -- meat and taters for sure! I had to laugh at that since mashed potatoes are one of BF's all time favs! LOL! I was at church yesterday and before things got started, I saw I had a voicemail from LH's daughter. I listened to it and it was just a basic message, asking me to call her back when I got a chance. After service finished, I ran my usual errands and pulled over. I called her and she said she was calling to check to see how I was and to ask about some of her dad's belongings, which I said she could absolutely have. No mention of all the stuff she'd left here, but that's another thing. Her mom works for USPS and I could hear her in the background as well. They were talking about helping, which is a new step. Interestingly, she did mention coming out this way to get her nursing licensing here. Not sure why she would do that if the idea is to ship her dad's stuff back east. I didn't even get into the whole 'sounds great, but you know you can't stay here while you do that, right?' conversation. My prayer is to have enough money to pay for a freight ship. I can then get cost on just the specific items as the items as well as cost to send all her stuff. Once I have that, my prayer is that both are reasonable so I can call her to say I'm sending it all. If I can do that, my plan is to include a note in with it to wish her the best and to say that I've moved on, so she can really get it that this isn't a place for her now that her dad's been gone three years. It's very uncomfortable, generally, but I was just thinking about the whole moving on thing. I guess God was standing there, as always
  9. Wowza -- you go, girl!!! I will not only keep the camper and that in prayer, but will also keep you in prayer. That you will be safe from further harassment and wrong-doing by these management people at the complex. They sound like real pieces of work. Sigh.
  10. Hey, sudnly -- how goes it? Sorry I missed your last post! I am in the process of switching email addresses and things have gotten a bit lost in the translation. Sigh. Hoping you are doing okay and are closer to getting away from that apartment -- if not gone already! As if moving isn't stressful enough. How is everyone else doing? It's been quiet, so I hope that means everyone is healthy and happy? Things are meandering as usual here I joined an encouragement group at church; our senior pastor is big on connectedness and believes it is important for people to have others to go to in times of joy and sadness. I appreciate that for sure and have both met some new women and have started cultivating deeper relationships with a few others. BF has been making connections for his new business and we've talked about getting a cat, of all things Our next 'adventure' is switching out the bed I have for the one he had in his apartment. I go through spells (haven't ever told him this) where I'm a bit freaked out by the fact that he is now the one sleeping with me in this bed that I shared with LH ... I've had this mattress for I don't know how long and it's been uncomfortable since before LH died. I bought a topper for it several months after he died and that worked for a while, but not so much anymore. I plan to keep the box springs (it's a Cal King), pitch the mattress, and move BFs (queen) box spring and mattress in there. I laugh to myself too because he's a pretty practical person ... not too much of anything. He has I think one or two sets of sheets for it -- you know, put a set on, wash the other, then switch them when it's linen day. I think I have four or five sets for the king bed ... Always changes on this journey. Well, off for a doctor's visit for me tomorrow; I'm taking the day afterward to do as little as humanly possible. LOL! Make it a good weekend, everyone!
  11. arneal

    Let's Celebrate!!!

    Yeah, I don't get it. Unless the dealer tries to keep that second key to give to a repo company should situations change ... unscrupulous, no matter how you look at it.
  12. arneal

    Let's Celebrate!!!

    My last car came from Carmax. I highly recommend the one in my area at least; the car I researched and wanted was about 90 miles away and they shipped it to one closer to me for free. Their costs for bringing cars from farther away seemed reasonable when I looked. I would go to them again. CarFax also provides info on maintenance in basic, like recalls. I just took my car to Valvoline for an oil change (recommend the one near me as well -- 15 minutes, topped off fluids, checked and added air to tires, no upsells but information on what maintenance should be done at the current mileage) and they pulled a CarFax report that showed no recalls and the type of oil, etc. to be used in my car. Next is transmission fluid for me, so I'll be back at Valvoline for that too. No more dealer for me, if I can help it, for things like that
  13. arneal

    Let's Celebrate!!!

    Not sure it's accurate not to have cash, tybec; I once bought a car straight out and got the best deal ever.
  14. Wow, sudnly. I am so sorry! And the fact that your neighbor just took this weird landlord's word against yours, knowing what he himself has experienced. Says a lot about him too in my humble opinion ... just sayin.
  15. arneal

    Let's Celebrate!!!

    Oh I wish I did know how to do everything! It's a learning curve, but I am blessed to have had a good start. My dad taught me a lot as a youngster and for that, I am eternally grateful.

Personal Information

  • Date Widowed
    2/1/16
  • Cause of death
    Heart failure


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