Elizabeth29

Hello! I haven’t posted much, but I’ve consistently read posts from others and have taken comfort in knowing I’m not alone in a lot of these things. However, my 8 year old daughter is throwing me for a loop with this one, so I thought I would see if anyone has any suggestions for this. My husband died 7 years ago, just a few days before DD 1st birthday. So, she has no memory of him. But, throughout her entire life she’s had issues with anxiety and with being attached to people (mostly me) and possessions. This behavior has had peaks and valleys, the best being when she was spending lots of time with her grandparents, the lowest being about a year ago when her separation anxiety got so bad she was trying to physically hurt me in the school drop-off line. She’s come a long way, and with counseling and a whole lot of patience (and, let’s be honest, wine.... for me, not her.) she’s doing so much better. The issue that remains, however, is her attachment to possessions and hoarding. We manage her wanting to keep everything by limiting the space she has to keep it. But, last weekend I went to purchase a new car and it was as though she regressed an entire year. Hitting, trying, hiding my keys, threatening to run away- we had it all. All because she “loves the car and doesn’t want it to go away”. (And I didn’t just spring this in her. I’ve been preparing her for months for this purchase.) Counseling has been a slow process with this behavior. Has anyone ever gone through anything like this. Any good tips for tips for helping kids cope with this kind of attachment? Thanks for reading, and for any ideas you may have!! Beth

I'm so relieved to read that this is "normal". I also entered year 3 on May 4th, and so far it has been a constant battle to figure out who I am now. Ever since he died, I haven't been myself, but I think friends and family had given me a pass on this for a while. My year 1 was a mix of shock and complete life change. Year two was when depression really sank in. Now, my newly acquired social awkwardness has grown old to them. So, I'm hoping year three will give me some clarity, but I'm not holding out hope. Hugs to all. And glad to see that the future years will be kinder.

At Thanksgiving dinner with my DH's family, his uncle, quite loudly, asks me if I've starting dating yet. With all eyes on me, I say no. His reply? "Huh, it's not natural for someone your age not to be dating". Um...ok....maybe I'm not dating because your nephew died and I just don't feel like it yet. I should have flung a spoonful of mashed potatoes at his head.

Oh, I've been there as well. My almost 4 year old wasn't even 1 when my husband passed, but just before she turned 3 she learned that calling for daddy would get a reaction from me. It didn't take me too long to pick up that she was only doing this when she was being disciplined. So, for us, it was a complete manipulation. After months of reinforcing that we have pictures and stories of daddy, but he can't be with us (and me keeping my reactions in check), she has finally stopped calling for him when she's being punished. In fact, she is now able to have a very calm conversation about missing him. I will always encourage her to do this, and to ask as many questions as she wants. Hopefully that will prevent her from going down that road again in the future. Hang in there. Single-parenting is tough, but it gets easier with practice (although, I'm sure none of us wanted to practice this...ever.) Elizabeth

I'm so glad that this board will be continuing. I want to echo the "thank you" that so many have already said. I'm Elizabeth. I rarely posted on YWBB, but I checked in frequently and got so much from being able to read the shared experiences. My husband died of sudden heart failure almost three years ago, just two days before our daughter's 1st birthday. He was 29, I was 30. We were together 7 years (married just shy of 3). Now, that kiddo will be turning 4 in just a few short months and I still miss him every day. Like so many other wids, I've struggled to find my way to balance the new responsibility of raising a child without the other parent, figuring out my own grief, and holding it all together. But, at almost three years out, I think I'm doing pretty ok. I've relied on the advice, stories and wisdom of others to get me this far, and I'm so happy that this will continue. I look forward to being able to continue to follow (and, who knows, maybe even post a little more) here. Elizabeth