Bobssleepykitty

Another July is upon us, and another roll call is here. How many of us are still here? Bobssleepykitty reporting in. 7/29/07

I'm going to be buried in mine. I left instructions for it.

Bitch In Law trolled my LinkedIn page. I found out yesterday that she'd been on it, on the day just one month shy of when Bob died. I'm much more calm about it now than I was yesterday. That's when she should be afraid. Very, very, afraid. She fucks with me, I'll destroy her. Period. On a side note, don't you just hate it when people make it so that you now have to have an alibi for your whereabouts now until the day either you or they die? Son of a BITCH!

I still have everything of Bob's, even his ketchup. This month marks 2,920 days since he died. (((HUGS)))

I don't know how many of us are still here, especially with the exodus from the old board. This year marks 2,920 days for all of us. It seems so few days, yet so many. And still we march on. BSK, reporting for duty. 7/29/2007

It still smarts (OK - HURTS) that YWBB is no more. When I saw the message last night when I went back to look just. one. more. time, I saw the message. It felt like that scene from the movie of Hans Christian Anderson with Danny Kaye when he's telling the story of the Pied Piper. When the Piper leads away all of the children in the village into the side of a mountain because the mayor refuses to pay the Piper for getting rid of all the mice, there is one little boy who gets left behind because he's lame and walks with a cane, and can't hobble fast enough to keep up with his friends. All of his playmates follow the Pied Piper into a great chasm in the mountain and then the mountain seals itself without any evidence that there was even a crack, let alone an entrance. Heartbroken, the little boy is left to face the world alone as an unwanted orphan. (The Piper was the only person who took care of him because he had no parents, but SOMEHOW he neglected to REMEMBER little Orphan Boy COULDN'T RUN, but that's another issue.) That's exactly how I felt last night. A lot of people have been saying that one of (if not THE) most precious resources was the thousands of posts from people further out that widows/ers could search so that they knew they weren't alone - that somebody else had gone through the same thing. I know I wasn't on the board as often as I had been in the past, but it may be time for me to step up and be a resource. To contribute as much as I can and say, "no, you're not abnormal - what's happened is". I guess it's time for the Village Elders to have office hours, and build up resources again.

Hi! I'm Bobssleepykitty (BSK). This is one of my first posts from TOB (The Old Board): ***************************************************************************************************** Hi. I lost my husband on July 29, 2007 at 12:32 a.m. from sepsis. Actually, it was as a result of his dialysis permacath and his end stage renal disease. I was with him in the hospital for three weeks, holding his hand and telling him how much I love him. I was there when he died, but he left me when I was asleep because he couldn't say good-bye to me. He fought so hard against ESRD all his life - he was told he'd be dead in a year when he was 17, and he fought for 40 years. We were only married for a year and a half, but we were together for almost four years. In the span of four years, I've gone from being single, to being engaged, to being a bride, and now.... To being a widow. It sucks. IT SUCKS! I wake up every morning at 6am because that's when I would wake up in the hospital to talk to the doctors. I shake uncontrollably. I cry for anywhere from one hour to four or all day. I pray for death ever minute; I'm angry that God took him instead of me. I can't do this. I can't...

Smiting does have its advantages, but personally I find much more enjoyment in sticking sharp little pins in a doll with the person's name on it. (I said that out loud, didn't I? ???)

As I've said since this whole mess started, they knew they were going to do it way before they did it, and there is ABSOLUTELY no excuse for the way this was executed and handled. Not For Profits have a responsibility to the communities they serve, they come into existence because they see a need in a population or community that is not being served or underserved. If they can no longer meet that need, then they have an ethical obligation to provide more than lip service and to make the transition as easy as possible -not, "Sorry! Last call! We don't care what you do, you just can't do it here!" It's not an issue of making a profit; NFPs can make money, it just goes back to the organization and nobody on the board of directors is allowed to make any money. The question is if the YWBB wasn't making money as an NFP, then why not? What kind of additional fundraising efforts outside of placing a "donate" button on the site were done? The statement reads more like an explanation to a kindergartener as to why we're not going to Disney instead of an actual admission that the Board screwed up, they were not transparent, and they are genuinely sorry. It borders on "Mansplaining" or maybe it's "Widsplaining". A simple, "yeah, we effed up; yeah we're sorry; we really screwed pooch, and here's why" would have been better.

I'm finding myself having attachment issues with this board, quite honestly. I know the move was the best thing, and I am thankful to everybody who pulled it together so fast, but part of me is thinking, "OK, is this it? Are we going to stay here? For how long?" And then all the abandonment issues start up, and then... But yeah, I know what you mean. I felt my world turn upside down. Again.

Everybody feel free to list your Widow/Widower tips here as well!

One of the posts on the old site that really helped me was the Widow/Widower Tip# that was started by one of the Vintage members. It made me laugh but, more importantly, know that widowbrain was and is completely normal. When I was going through my posts and downloading them, I found this one. Enjoy: WIDOW/WIDOWER TIP # 1.) If you're going to go to the grocery store, don't go to the grocery store where you used to shop. 2.) If you're going to go to the grocery store where you used to shop, don't put any canned goods in the child seat. 3.) If you insist on going to the grocery store where you used to shop and are bound and determined to put canned goods in the child seat, make sure that the can doesn't line up with the space where the child's legs would go. 4.) If you insist on going to the grocery store where you used to shop and are bound and determined to put canned goods in the child's seat and didn't make sure that the can didn't line up where the holes are for the child's legs, don't be surprised when the can goes flying out of the cart, and lands on your toe. 5.) If you insist on going to the grocery store where you used to shop and are bound and determined to put canned goods in the child's seat and didn't make sure that the can didn't line up where the holes are for the child's legs, and yell in surprise when it hits your toe, (even though you really shouldn't be at all surprised that it hurt) and the can goes flying out of the cart, and lands on your toe, you also shouldn't be at all surprised when it rolls away from you and out into the main area of the store like it's being pushed by an invisible force. 6.)So when you insist on going to the grocery store where you used to shop and are bound and determined to put canned goods in the child's seat and didn't make sure that the can didn't line up where the holes are for the child's legs, and yell in surprise when it hits your toe, (even though you really shouldn't be at all surprised that it hurt) and the can goes flying out of the cart, and lands on your toe, you also shouldn't be at all surprised when it rolls away from you and out into the main area of the store like it's being pushed by an invisible force. DO NOT run after the can, stooped over like you're chasing a ferret with your fat, middle-aged ass in the air, especially when you just barely scrape five feet tall and are dressed like some sort of wailing, demented Ninja Gnome (because you're clad all in black). 7.) ALSO, when you insist on going to the grocery store where you used to shop and are bound and determined to put canned goods in the child's seat and didn't make sure that the can didn't line up where the holes are for the child's legs, and yell in surprise when it hits your toe, (even though you really shouldn't be at all surprised that it hurt) and the can goes flying out of the cart, and lands on your toe, and you also shouldn't be at all surprised when it rolls away from you and out into the main area of the store like it's being pushed by an invisible force. AND YOU run after the can, stooped over like you're chasing a ferret with your fat, middle-aged ass in the air, especially when you just barely scrape five feet tall and dressed like some sort of wailing, demented Ninja Gnome (because you're clad all in black), DO NOT BE AT ALL surprised that your antics are on the store's security camera, and REST ASSURED that this whole escapade will be played an infinite number of times and shown at the staff picnic party for the grocery store. THE MORAL OF THE STORY: Just stay out of the damned store where you used to shop! Like life isn't painful enough.

This was a very important post to me on the old board, and it still is. Bob and I wanted a family, but didn't get the chance to have one. (We had our furbabies, thankfully.) We wanted three kids: Veronica for a girl, and two boys, Christopher James and one named after him. Bob didn't want to have a boy with the III after his name, but I was working on that.???? At least one of our kids would have been in elementary school now. SO, if you and your spouse would have had kids, what are their names? To me, our kids are just as real because they exist in our hearts.