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I need some help. I am 12 years out. I was married for 18 years and we dated for 8 years before we got married. I am now engaged to a wonderful woman I met about 2 1/2 years ago. During a discussion about a different topic, I mentioned (without really thinking) that I would want be buried with my wife, Cathryn. My fiance was very upset by that and felt that it meant I was still too tied to Cathryn. I thought that it was a common enough thing to do but she thought that it was very unusual. For her, me wanting to get buried next to my wife might be a deal breaker. It would at least postpone the wedding (planned for next year) indefinitely. I've been thinking about whether or not I really need (or really want) to be buried with Cathryn and whether or not my fiance is right in thinking that it is very unusual. I'm having a lot of difficulty sorting this out in my mind so, of course, I thought to ask all of you for your opinions on this. Other background - I have a double plot and headstone at the cemetery but my name is not on the stone (at the time I thought it was creepy to see my name on a stone when I wasn't dead yet) so that is actually a good thing from the point that it's literally not set in stone . Also, I have 2 children, 22 and 16 years old and I don't know if they have a strong opinion or not about where I would be buried. My fiance doesn't mind if I'm not buried with her, just that she doesn't feel it's right for me to be buried with Cathryn. Another thing is I had thought over the years that I might want to be cremated, in which case I wouldn't be buried anywhere. So I'm not sure I have a strong need to be buried with Cathryn but something is still holding me back from saying I won't. Part of it is, I think, that for 12 years, that was just a given so I think it's just been ingrained in my thinking. Another part is maybe that I feel I am being given an ultimatum by my fiance and I don't like being forced into things. I don't want to take the easy way out and just say ok - I want to make a decision that I truly feel is the right thing to do. So, what do you all think? Is it normal to be buried with your first wife or your second? Are any of you in a similar situation and, if so, what have you decided (and why)? Mike
