Jump to content

Young Widow Forum

Register to view blogs.

momtokam

On line dating vents and laughs......

Recommended Posts

Why do I assume everyone I talk to is honest.

 

You chat with someone for a few days, make plans to meet, day and time, just need to pick a place, he knows I need to make childcare plans, and poof, the day before he stops responding even though he is seen on the site.  What do these jerks find so amusing about this?

Just man up and say you changed your mind. Don't appear interested if you are not! Sheesh!

 

I really don't know if I am up for trying this again. It's so infuriating!

 

Feel free to add your on line dating vents.

 

 

Share this post


Link to post

Yes...been there a number of times. I also found that I would make a date with a guy, then he would find out about my single mother/widow status and then cancel. There was one guy in particular, a teacher, who seemed really into me - we emailed, texted, chatted on the phone, had a great Sat night date planned in Boston and then he cancelled right after he found out I was a widow with a son. (And he did via an email right after phone call but not admitting why exactly.) I went out once with a self made guy in Newport - thought 1st date went well, he seemed really into me, great chemistry, seemed to want to go out again. We texted several times a day for a few weeks. We had a romantic 2nd date planned, I had arranged child care etc, then poof - disappeared.

 

But then again, we wouldnt want to end up with these types of guys either. I wish people could be upfront in the dating game but most arent. The issue with online dating is there is so much choice out there  - on both sides. Saying that, however, I did meet some really great men when I did online dating so they are out there - it just takes a bit of time to weed through the "un"matches to find your match. Wishing you all the best - none of this is easy!

Share this post


Link to post

Thanks Captain wife. So sorry you dealt with this too.

 

I know there are good ones out there.  I just wish the jerks weren't.

 

I wasn't sure I wanted to try again but thought why not about a week ago. This guy is 50, knew my widow status with kids, and seemed very into me. Boy my gut feeling must be really off.

 

Share this post


Link to post

I have grumbles to match.  On the weekend, two women "liked" me on match, and the second one initiated an e-mail as well.  I contacted the first who seemed interested in meeting and suggested a time, crickets since Friday.  The second one was just yesterday afternoon, so it's too early to call crickets, but I feel like I know what to expect.  I don't understand why people just stop.  An analogy I have used before is people talking on the phone and then wandering off without bothering to hang up.

 

Take care,

Rob T

Share this post


Link to post

Rob, I'm sorry.

 

Your analogy is right on the mark. Do people feel being on line means all social skills are out the window?

 

A simple "Thanks for chatting, I'm pursuing something with someone, and would like to give that a chance. Perhaps we can chat again soon" would work for me. We all know that some can have many on the go but a little social grace should still be expected.

Share this post


Link to post
Guest Bear1956

People feel entitled to be jerks with online dating, guys and gals, imho. It is the whole anonymous thing. Very little chance of you running into them at the local food mart.

Share this post


Link to post
Guest Bear1956

I have grumbles to match.  On the weekend, two women "liked" me on match, and the second one initiated an e-mail as well.  I contacted the first who seemed interested in meeting and suggested a time, crickets since Friday.  The second one was just yesterday afternoon, so it's too early to call crickets, but I feel like I know what to expect.  I don't understand why people just stop.  An analogy I have used before is people talking on the phone and then wandering off without bothering to hang up.

 

Take care,

Rob T

 

That too.

Share this post


Link to post
Guest nonesuch

I had one fellow email me that he was looking forward to meet me and five days later - ncns.  It wasn't his fault, though. He had revived a former relationship.  Two weeks after that he answered another ad I'd posted.

 

I chatted with one man at 9 a.m. about meeting between noon and two. He never showed. When I emailed him that evening he claimed to have called me during the morning and getting no answer determined that I had backed out. Nope, not willing to re-schedule, either.  I never received a call, and my cell didn't list any missed calls. A year or so later he, too answered my ad again.  I emailed him and reminded him that a year ago we'd set up a meeting and he'd no called-no showed.  He admitted at that time, yeah, sometimes he just does that. He was sensitive to rejection.

 

I had a fellow answer my ads a couple times, thinking I was a prostitute.  Nothing wrong with being one, everybody's gotta earn a living somehow.  My ad was quite clear that I was looking for a relationship, though. After a couple times I started to include at the end, "Colonel Jack, I'm not a pro. Don't bother responding to this ad."  Quite a few men wrote, wanting to know what was the deal and who was Colonel Jack?

 

I saved one cute looking man to my "favorites' list on OKCupid.  A day or so later he blocked me. :-(

 

Dating (nowadays) is not for the faint of heart.  People who have only typed into the computer don't have as many reservations about hurting our feelings because they've never met us. until they do, somehow we aren't real. There are good people out there. 

 

 

 

 

Share this post


Link to post

I guess I understand the anonymity thing but wouldn't it be interesting to actually run into them in person. Surprise! I'm real you jerk!

 

Nonesuch, what losers have crossed your path!

Share this post


Link to post

Hi, friends.

I haven't posted in a while, but do read and check in now and then.

 

Perfectly timed post @momtokam and others ... I've also been braving the online dating scene these past couple of weeks.

You aren't alone in the "bizarr-o" stories. I can spin a tale and have my non-widowed friends laughing, but seriously ... this is our life, right? Not so funny.

 

I've had a bunch of "...great, thanks for your number, I'll call you this afternoon" - never to be heard from again (then I see them checking out my profile again days later).

 

One who said it was perfectly fine for me to google him before our planned beach walk and dinner date; I do and see the numerous articles reporting his indictment for drug smuggling - okay, even then I extended him the social courtesy of a note when I bowed out.

 

Those that text "have a good weekend" - ummm, it is Wednesday, but okay.  Code for I'll never hear from you again. Delete that conversation.

 

The one who I felt had "potential," who flew in from Atlanta to meet, had a wonderful first meeting at the airport, enjoyed a lovely waterside meal, had an engaging conversation of depth ... when a look came over his face and he said, "Whoa, you are really grounded, centered and so amazing, you've really done your work. I've clearly been faking it and I'm so sorry I misled you that I have it all together; I'm a mess. I'm so sorry." And left back to the airport.  Three and one-half hours - a new all-time low. 

 

And here is the doozy of the day - there was the one who just today wrote to me, a widowed artist - asking me how long I had been divorced (widowed is in my profile), and answered one of those questions  they ask you ("Is art important to you") with a crass "I don't give a crap about art."

Really.

 

The ones that call just to have some playful banter on the phone and are always shocked that I am intelligent, fairly articulate and can "keep up." I have no idea who else they are talking to, but those are just one-offs, it seems. Like someone random to talk to for a few minutes.

 

Oh, how about this one - I don't understand the lack of courtesy of a reply when a woman writes a short note of introduction. Whether interested or not, acknowledge please. I find that rather rude. But just hit delete. 

 

And I know for sure that the "crazy" works in both gender directions. Just retelling a few of mine in the last two weeks.

 

This got long - so, I guess I'm making up for not posting for so long!

I'm trying not to get jaded, just using my filter, thinking the initial best of others (unless/until they teach me otherwise), staying hopeful and optimistic, having fun with it - casually dating - and trying not to take any of it too personally. Everything in its right time. 

 

Maybe a sexy summer romance will introduce himself to me soon ... one that doesn't necessarily end with the turn of the season.  8)

 

Good luck to us all.

-SunshineFL

 

Share this post


Link to post

I joined online dating sites way back when I really wasn't ready to date but now I am ready and well..........it hasn't been easy. The last two guys that I met just rambled and rambled about themselves and the last guy smelled so much like diesel I wish I brought my full face respirator.

 

I have no idea why the conversation just stop or they stand you up.  Seriously why?  Is this how they treat people and if so I recommend them to stay single forever. 

 

There is one lady where I work.  She is slightly older than me and not to be cruel but she isn't a beauty queen.  She brags about have a different date every week.  I must be doing something totally wrong or she if full of it. 

Share this post


Link to post

The last two guys that I met just rambled and rambled about themselves ...

 

....She brags about have a different date every week.  I must be doing something totally wrong or she if full of it.

 

@Needytoo - I hear you.

I've had several "over-sharers" as well. I know I'm easy to talk to and a good listener, but giving me the Cliff Notes versions of all their most challenging life stories in a short coffee date is a "tad" over the top.

 

And, about your co-worker, my guess is that her threshold / standards / criteria / expectations for dating are much different (read, less high quality / less stringent ) than yours.  I'm okay (perhaps you are, too) not going out rather than spend a night out with someone who isn't a good match for me. Maybe she is good with Mr. Right Now (which I'm gathering is easy to get lots of dates with that way of thinking) - rather than laying the groundwork for a long-term, healthy, loving, multi-level relationship.

 

Try not to compare - you be you.  :D 

-SunshineFL

Share this post


Link to post
Guest sunshinedaydreamz

.

Share this post


Link to post

Oh, how about this one - I don't understand the lack of courtesy of a reply when a woman writes a short note of introduction. Whether interested or not, acknowledge please. I find that rather rude.

 

It's a red-letter day when I get a "thanks but no thanks" from a woman.  The impression of The Abyss is far, far more common.  I think I get more "sure, let's talk" responses than polite refusals, and I think I have only had a woman use the "No Thanks" button at the bottom of *every* match.com message just three times.  I'd recommend just thinking about no response as the way people pronounce "No thanks" on the Interwebz.  I try to respond to every multi-word message I get from a woman (omitting "hi" and their ilk if I don't see a match), but I don't hold myself to perfection here.

 

Take care,

Rob T

Share this post


Link to post

Thanks, Rob.

I think they were your words of wisdom (and you shared a nice phrase that stuck with me) on the former board that helped me make sure I respond even when I'm not interested or don't think we are a good match.

Thanks for that.

I don't really sweat a no response - just move on.

Be well.

-SunshineFL

Share this post


Link to post

Nice to see you SunshineFL!

 

My favorite on your list has to be the guy who was OK with you Googling him? Hysterical considering what he knew you would find.

 

Unless I get a "Hi" only or something x-rated as a message, I will respond. If they make an effort, I make an effort.

 

Now I have my cousin sending me screen shots of on line profiles I should checkout. Maybe her judgement is better than mine LOL.

Share this post


Link to post

Nice to see you SunshineFL!

 

Now I have my cousin sending me screen shots of on line profiles I should checkout. Maybe her judgement is better than mine LOL.

 

Nice to be "seen" @momtokam, and thank you for starting this thread just now; so timely. We can be here for each other as we navigate all this and help each other stay hopeful and optimistic.  :D

 

Gotta love the helpful friends/family members sending screen shots. Who knows? Maybe that will be the introduction that sparks it all?  8)

 

I don't even want to imagine if my profile has been "screenshot-ed" and forwarded, saved, whatever. The "ick" side of my love/hate with the internet. (LOL)  [bTW, this board and wonderfully supportive community is on the "love" side:)]

 

I just added match to my repertoire so now I'm giving match and okcupid a shot. I asked a friend of mine why it is that I seem to give more attention, interest or possibility to a man who has been widowed who shows interest in me. Because, we all know that the status and common experience of being widowed alone doesn't make anyone a good match for each other. So many other thresholds have to be crossed and align, right? 

 

He told me, it isn't that - think of it like a resume and that credential gets him in the door with me. He still has to pass the interview stage(s). <LOL>    ;D  Oh goodness.

 

Buckle up, friends, quite the roller coaster of summer fun here in "social encounters."

Chat soon, SunshineFL

 

 

Share this post


Link to post

Never thought my profiles could be screen shot and sent on! Oh boy!

 

Tonight I got a very nice response from a gentleman who, I did not have an interest in, thanking me for replying. He thought I was very kind and would be snatched up quick by a very lucky guy.

 

Now I'm not sure about that. I need someone beyond the 20 year olds who like my hair to message me. Maybe it could be the guy my age, who messaged me looking for a serious committed relationship but says he is strickly non monogamous. Sigh.

Share this post


Link to post

Serious committed relationship + strictly non-monogamous?  What's he got in mind, MTK, a harem? :-)

 

I catch myself in harem fantasies every so often, and then I remember how much energy it takes to maintain just ONE good relationship.

 

Take care,

Rob T

Share this post


Link to post

Serious committed relationship + strictly non-monogamous?  What's he got in mind, MTK, a harem? :-)

 

I catch myself in harem fantasies every so often, and then I remember how much energy it takes to maintain just ONE good relationship.

 

😁😁😁😁😁😁

Share this post


Link to post

Yeah, my biggest problem with online dating is that no one seems that interested in dating at all. It felt to me like a ton of people were actively scouring the website, sending out feelers, but no one really wanted to take the plunge and you know, meet. It's like online shopping at a luxury goods store. I'm just looking. I'd loooove this item, that item, oooh this is cute, but when comes time to checkout, I see the prices and delete the whole thing.

 

I think people are really chicken. Or entitled. Or close-minded. How bad can an hour spent with anyone really be? A widow with children isn't looking to get married to you tomorrow morning after one hour spent at Starbucks. So relax on "managing expectations". Flirting takes practice, don't worry, you're just my practice round.

 

People forget that there's an actual person on the other side of the screen. Or they don't care.

Share this post


Link to post
Guest sunshinedaydreamz

.

Share this post


Link to post

Did on-line for about 2 years. Met some really nice guys and some not so nice ones.  I finally quit when it seemed like all I was attracting was married guys. The last one (i think) was married and  his profile said he lived  less the 5 miles away. However I asked him why he had a Philadelphia number. He came up with I used to live there. I asked what he liked to see/do there he told me about the historic district after going off line long enough to Google something.  I could almost hear the gagging noise when I told him I made several trips that way every year to see my sister.  I got a last name from him and Googled him only to find out he doesn't exist.  On-line is hard. It takes a ton of time and you really need to have a thick skin.  Not sure that the type of guy I want is the type that would be on-line.  It really takes me awhile to warm up to someone and that doesn't seem to be the case on-line.

 

At one point I tried to respond to everyone who sent me a message. After awhile it felt like to much work and about half of the guys I did do a thanks,but no thanks to wanted a reason.  I have not met you I don't own you a explanation.  I just started blocking them.

 

At some point I might venture online again. Maybe when I'm bored over the winter and need some new entertainment.

 

I think this serious yet non-monogamous guy wants a gal that is committed yet he can do whatever he pleases.  Sound like the one guy who contacted me and wanted a committed yet open relationship I responded isn't that  a FWB?

Share this post


Link to post

For your reading entertainment, here is today's hightlight -

 

A man reached out to me with a message complimenting my profile words, the best and most articulate he has ever read on *any* site - he states, and letting me know he was looking for a dominant-submissive-psychological thing - not like 50Shades because, according to him, it was a crock and not realistic for the "lifestyle" he wants and lives at all.

 

I never judge and to each his/her own no doubt - but is this my world?

Goodness.

Okay - feel free to laugh - really, it is the best option?  ;)

 

~SunshineFL

 

Share this post


Link to post
Guest sunshinedaydreamz

Yes it takes huge patience and sense of humor.

Almost everyone I ever met online has a slew of "friends".

I often asked them is this a friends site or a dating site. Endless texts (ok so that's your son texting, you must have an awful lot of sons). Became ridiculous to the point of absurd. I left that all behind and seriously, have taken up fishing, and boating. I meet more single people doing what I like, then ever before on a dating site(s). It's relaxing, don't  have to make excuses, or compete with 14 other (people their dating, or "friending"), and it's more relaxing than I ever thought could be possible. And at the end of the day I'm still able to honor the memory of my lost spouse (without guilt or having to make excuses), with honor, and make new friends. It may work for others (dating sites), but I have come full circle in realizing that's not the way I'm going to meet any new companion, let alone future spouse. I guess I can for the first time say I'm happy and don't miss the sites.

Share this post


Link to post

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now

×

Important Information

By using this site, you agree to our Terms of Use.