On line dating vents and laughs......

[arneal]

Julester -- it would seem like it, but if you scroll back through this thread, you will find that unfortunately, ghosters pay for the privilege it seems  :

[Love2fish]

Again I have to agree with Arneal,

 

To Julesrter3, I believe that what you are calling "free" websites have upgrade options.  When i was on those sites I always paid for the upgrade but I met many women who were sticking with the free option.  My attitude was that this was the most important thing I was doing.  Finding a new companion is on a level with buying a home or choosing a career.  It is worth an investment.  From what I can tell, the matchmaking services are no better than chance at matching you up with the right one.

 

Meeting as many as possible was my approach.  You can't know by Email or phone conversation.  Real life is the way to go.

[arneal]

Love2 makes several great points here. I met my NG on a free site that offered the free upgrade portion for a weekend (sort of like those free communication weekends you see advertised on TV). When we 'liked' each other's profiles that weekend, we were able to chat for free. From there, we talked and traded phone numbers, and decided to meet for a lunch date. The first chat happened on like a Friday, the phone conversation on Saturday, and the lunch date on Monday. It's the luck of the draw I think and as Love2 said, increase the odds by increasing the connections. If you meet for coffee, you can get a sense of whether it's worth more.

[Love2fish]

Addendum:  When I said "meet as many as possible".  I forgot to add, I met 141.  The odds of me meeting the right one were poor from the git-go.  I am past retirement.  I had a life.  Every great woman I met also had a life.  It is never possible to combine two lives without both being able to give up some of the previous life.  That is a tough thing for anyone to do.  I am happy to say that it can be done and it is totally worth the trouble.

[trying2breathe]

Quote from Love2fish  "From what I can tell, the matchmaking services are no better than chance at matching you up with the right one."

 

Somewhat agree with this - I joined a matchmaking service last November, have been paired with several on-line matches of which NONE have worked out.  I attended some of their speed-dating type parties, met several nice guys there that I've been out with, one that I continue to see now.  The organic way of meeting somebody in person works much better for me.  Advantage of a matchmaker service is that clients have been vetted and deemed for the most part, available and ready to date.  It's taken some of the craziness away, although there is certainly still some drama that goes with it.  But on-line matching - not effective, in my opinion.  Too easy to hide behind a profile and not make the effort.

Wow, love2fish - 141!  Sounds like you got a good result from the effort?

[Love2fish]

That is a good point about the vetting trying2breathe.  Men are generally safer with online dating.  Lots of women’s profiles are just scammers but they are easy to spot if you ask the right questions.  Only once did I meet a woman who I now believe was only there for the dinner.  That doesn’t bother me.  It was a nice dinner and she was a good conversationalist.  Cheaper than a night at the theatre.

 

 

141!  Sounds like you got a good result from the effort?

 

Yes,  it was worth the effort.  Lucky for me to find this gal.  She’s got a great sense of humor.  When she met two of my closest friends she made a name tag for herself that said “ Hi, My Name is #141” 

 

I did end up with a good great result.  I don’t suggest that triple digit meet & greets should be part of anyone’s strategy.  I never set out with that as a goal, it just worked out that way.  On the plus side it gave me a ton of funny stories.  On the negative side there were  broken hearts.  A number of the M&Gs led to serious dating.  A few were broken off by me and just as many by the lady.  No matter who it was that broke things off, I always felt that my heart was broken as well. 

[trying2breathe]

I do feel generally safer meeting dates from the matchmaker, haven't had a situation yet with any of the guys where I've felt uncomfortable.  I still meet them out the first few dates, if things progress eventually the circle expands.  It's worked out well so far.  The vetted process that a matchmaker provides is well worth the cost of the service,  IMO. 

 

 

Glad that you found a great lady, sounds like she has a great sense of humor!

[Momtojandj]

I'm interested in opinions here .. two different guys , which I happened to go out with both twice , then one faded away and second I got it's not you , it's me speech .

However , first guy told me about a date he had where he met the lady outside and she was heavy and walked with a limp . So he said I'm sorry this isn't going to work . So the lady left .

Second guy told me about a date , met lady in parking lot and started walking in together to restaurant and had orange skin from fake tan and a mole on her face, so he told her he wasn't interested in continuing date, lady was annoyed but left .

 

So my question , would you do that ? Have you ever ? I get there has to be attraction .. but I always go thru with the date , personality sometimes can win over a not great looking person . Then I'm also thinking those guys were so shallow they didn't even give those ladies a chance, I should've run from each of them .

[Trying]

Very shallow!  Attraction is about so much more than the initial first impression.  Sometimes you are talking to someone and you can get lost in their expressive eyes or a dimple shows up when they smile a real genuine smile that you hadn't noticed at first.  Those men could be missing out on really special ladies, glad you were able to see them for who they were and move on. 

 

Aside from that, if someone took the time to get themselves ready for a date, made time for the date, drove to the date I would be respectful enough to share a cup of coffee and some conversation.

 

This is a world of instant gratification and online dating brings out the worst in some people.

 

[BrokenHeart2]

Yes, everything Trying said!  Before I met DH I went on my one and only ever blind date.  I got to the restaurant and the guy had a big gold tooth right there in the front.  I thought, so what I'm here now anyway.  Well, all he did was want to talk about what a bitch he ex wife was.  That's what did it for me.  No more blind dates for me.

[Love2fish]

So my question , would you do that ? Have you ever ?

 

No and no.  That is not only shallow but it is inconsiderate at best and possibly cruel.  I always went through with the M&G and even enjoyed many of the dates which I knew were not going to have a follow-up. 

On the other hand, when you already know that a date is going nowhere it can be a kindness to say so rather than let the other person feel like you were leading them on.

 

[Portside]

 

So my question , would you do that ? Have you ever ? I get there has to be attraction .. but I always go thru with the date , personality sometimes can win over a not great looking person . Then I'm also thinking those guys were so shallow they didn't even give those ladies a chance, I should've run from each of them .

 

Agreed - should have run from them. Shallow, selfish, childish are how I would describe them. What the hell? We all have our 'list' of what we want but that doesn't give anyone the right to be rude and insulting. Like all of us, I've gone on a date or two where I knew immediately the relationship was not going to blossom. Inside, I wanted to throw $50 on the table and say "have a nice day", but I didn't. You be a man and tough it out and show the lady a decent time. It's what grownups do.

 

Assholes. Ugh.

 

Good luck - Mike

[Mizpah]

I agree with the "cruel" assessment.  I'm trying to imagine being that woman, showing up possibly nervous or self-conscious, and being seen and then instantly ditched.  I cannot imagine how crushing and humiliating and upsetting that would feel, even completely acknowledging that at a "good person" or soul level, the defect is most certainly in the rejector and not the rejected.  Why inflict hurt like that on someone?  Terribly unkind.

[MrsDan]

Ugh, that is just horrible. The only way i would not follow through on the date would be if they were being offensive or sexually aggressive or something like that. But appearance? I really didn't go on a lot of dates before I met my boyfriend, but the ones i did where there was no spark, at least we had a nice conversation. And let me tell you, I was busy. I mean, even if you know it will go nowhere,what does it really cost a person to give an hour or two?

[arneal]

I appreciate this conversation. I have to say that like MrsDan I didn't have a lot of dates but to be honest, I thought about the escape plan. Thinking back, it was a matter of if I got there, scoped out the scene, saw the guy, and if I didn't feel safe or got a weird vibe I planned in my mind that I would take off and text an excuse. I also alerted a good friend to the fact that I was going on a date and that I would have her call me for the rescue; I'd get the call at the table, do the 'I will be right there!' concerned voice, and excuse myself quickly. I never did either, but certainly had it in mind. Needless to say, I didn't have the 'part 2' planned out, having not thought about what if he contacted me again for a second try ... this dating thing is complicated, for me most often by my own doing it seems  :-\

[Needytoo]

I haven't gone on too many M&G but never thought about leaving, but I have been stood up. The weird thing is the guy kept messaging me afterward and I was too nieve to say enough is enough.

Next weekend I might go to a social club dance solo. I do so many things by myself, signed up for a weekend kayak trip that I will be going solo and I am thrilled but the thought of going away but this dance is bit terrifying. 

I agree Arneal this thing called dating is very complicated.

[momtokam]

I'm not actively on line dating right now.

 

Last night I was at a birthday party and I met a nice lady who is on line dating. She told me the most bizarre story.

 

She was chatting with someone last week and set up a meet and greet. She was stood up.

 

This week another man, stood her up but this time, he texted her as she was in her car about to leave the meeting place.

He saId, "Looking for me? I did it to you again, and I bet I will fool you again!"

 

It was a different profile, picture, and name.  What a scum!

His game is intentionally standing up women for the thrill and multiple times? What is this world coming to?

 

She had not spoken to him, either time on the phone though. Lesson learned for her.

 

[RyanAmysMom]

Was on Bumble last night - started chatting with a guy who listed his profession as "writer" - I was curious.....

"How did you get started in writing?"

"My friends like the stories I tell - I started writing them down."

"What kinds of stories?"

"Erotica.... would you like to see a sample?"

 

um......... 

 

 

[arneal]

Oh my, RyanAmysMom. Just ... ew. But I had to laugh a little as well. Sad, all of it. And Momto -- that is far too creepy.

[Guest Metv]

I'm interested in opinions here .. two different guys , which I happened to go out with both twice , then one faded away and second I got it's not you , it's me speech .

However , first guy told me about a date he had where he met the lady outside and she was heavy and walked with a limp . So he said I'm sorry this isn't going to work . So the lady left .

Second guy told me about a date , met lady in parking lot and started walking in together to restaurant and had orange skin from fake tan and a mole on her face, so he told her he wasn't interested in continuing date, lady was annoyed but left .

 

So my question , would you do that ? Have you ever ? I get there has to be attraction .. but I always go thru with the date , personality sometimes can win over a not great looking person . Then I'm also thinking those guys were so shallow they didn't even give those ladies a chance, I should've run from each of them .

 

No. I would politely carry on with the (meet and greet), then let the situation down gently.

These types of "see ya laters" really bother me. They have taken the time in good faith to maybe get out, have a good time, and then some are crushed by rejection. Sad.

[Momtojandj]

Thank you all for your opinions.. it's funny when each guy told me about ditching the date in the parking lot.. I didn't think about it , until later .  Then Honestly I was mad , and felt so bad for these girls. Just goes to show you how bad online is , it's all about the visual and not the person . If it happens to me again where a guy tells me he did that, I'm going to walk out see how he likes it. I don't want to date someone that's that shallow anyway .

[Julester3]

I did get a date like that once momtojandj but at least it was before I left home. The guys asked for a quick picture on what I was wearing to make sure he was dressed in accordance. Sounded reasonable to me at the time. I was wearing skinny jeans, black high heeled booties and a black top from Ann Taylor loft which had cutouts covered with lace. I thought it was nice and casual for a night out. He texts me back wth I don't like your top. It's too traditional. Why don't you change it? I told him it's a very nice top and age appropriate for me. I am 42 not 22. He then texted me, "alright then so I'm out. Good night." I was so pissed at that time, speechless and then insulted on how shallow he was because I am sure he wanted my boobs hanging out. That too was gifted by a very fashion savvy 28 yo niece of mine so I didn't see what the problem was. I realized later when I was much more rational than emotional that it was so much better I found out at home before I left. I'd have been even more angry if I was already out. I couldn't do it. I always hold through because I hate to be rude. I am an intelligent adult and I'll at least try, you know. 

[Momtojandj]

Jules .. holy moly . Glad you found out at home , but that's so insane . What an a@@hole!

[klim]

wow some of these stories are crazy....yeah I don't think I'd want to meet someone that told me what top to wear for our first date . crazy!!

 

I didn't get an immediate send off but I once had a very brief coffee date.....I think he might have burnt his mouth trying to finish his coffee so fast. I was angry but also a little mystified with what he was thinking. Visually, I'm no 10........but let's put me at a 7.....he (in my opinion was ) was like a 4. So if anybody should have been running it should have been me...........but I like to give people a chance.

 

Heck the guy I'm seeing at the moment  had bad teeth,  was even  missing his two eye teeth when I met him( he did mention quite quickly he was getting work done for dentures) but if I went on looks alone , I would have been outta there.Ps  he now has a beautiful smile

[Momtojandj]

Is it too passive aggressive to post on my Facebook ... dear friends , since I've been single and using online I have seen three of your husbands , one of our boyfriends and another husband looking for a three way using online dating sites. I won't say who , but you might want to check out tinder and OkCupid . ;-) .

I would never post that, but I'm so tired of seeing this crap .