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On line dating vents and laughs......


momtokam
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6 hours ago, arneal said:

Sure -- although there are folks (I think Leadfeather is one) who prefer meet and greets. Others go to speed dating opportunities. You might get more shout out's than you know 😊

 

That seems wise to pass if you are not desiring just a physical thing and familiar is not enough. Totally get that!

I wouldn’t say I prefer them. I just see them a helpful tool to help me find a woman worth investing my time in. 

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Thanks for that clarification, LF -- perhaps a better way to put it would have been 'include meet and greets in the arsenal' 😊

 

I was trying to get at the point that there are folks among us who do more than look for possibilities online ...

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Gotcha. I really only use online dating to get (for lack of a better word) leads. The majority of the women I have been contacting do not respond, of those that do, I will do a few email exchanges with them then ask if they want to meet in person for a drink or a coffee. I really have no interest in emailing or texting back and forth for weeks with someone I have never met. I am happy to do those thing with someone I have met and am dating but before I invest that time I want to meet them in person.

 

At times the lack of responses, ghosting and misrepresentations can get discouraging. I try to keep in the forefront of my mind that when using OLD (its my new acronym for On Line Dating because it gets old really fast) I really only have to meet the right person for me once and all the other failures will be forgotten. The good news is I know it is possible to find the right person because I did it once before and had 25 wonderful years, actually 23 wonderful years there were a few that were only okay. OLD might not be where I find them but it is an arrow in the quiver. Which sounds slightly risqué now that I reread it.

Edited by Leadfeather
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I chose faith based on line as I wanted folks to at least state that was important in a partner.  My guy I acknowledged first.  I was not in his parameters for distance.  I talked on the site for about one week.  He couldn’t  meet with me anyway with his kids schedule.  First time available I met  for lunch half way between us.  I wrote him telling him I knew we needed to meet face to face to see if there truly was some chemistry because on line is so unnatural.  DH and I made no sense but had 28 yrs together. Chemistry ❤️    So after face to face, we kept going.  I had asked him to be honest on line and not ghost me. Honesty so important to me.  He agreed.  He is honest to a fault.  Prefaces sometimes if I really want to know something when I ask.   😉.  Good luck! 

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  • 2 weeks later...

Okay here is your laugh of the day folks. I've been seeing this guy and one of his summer jobs is washing windows. We text fairly often during the day. One day he was particularly busy working on a building and he needed to get back to it so he texted: 

 

Sorry Hun can't chat now. Going hard on widows.

 

I was busy working so didn't reply right away so it was followed by:

 

NOOOOOOES. I meant windows! OMG I am so sorry!

 

I didn't get the message for another hour for which he was apparently dying the whole time afraid I wasn't messaging him out of anger. 

 

I burst out laughing when I saw it. 

 

Auto correct can be amazing sometimes. 😂

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I have a date Saturday. We're going to see Def Leppard and Journey in Chicago. We might be going to another concert Sunday. (Stone Temple Pilots, Theory of a Deadman, Saving Able, Nonpoint, and Nothing More.) I've had the tickets to the concert Sunday for awhile, but it's really not his favorite music genre.

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We had a great time! Between the train ride, ride on the subway, dinner, the concert, and traveling back home our date was almost 16 hours.  :) The music took us back to our teen years. He ended up not going to the other concert with me Sunday. None of the bands were really his favorite music genre. I had a blast!! I ran into people I knew. I'm glad I went!

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And I found a woman worth investing my time in.

 

I broke my rules for her. I agreed to continue to communicate without meeting her in person. She was on Match for all of 3 days, then got overwhelmed, but agreed to write to say in touch. We emailed for several weeks. About 40 long emails back and forth that shared a lot of our inner thoughts. Discussed religion, politics, family, future desires, and our pasts. That turned into a M&G that lasted 4 hours. Then 6 or 7 dates, I have lost track. It is still early in the relationship but we are both sure the other is the one. She met my mother yesterday. I am meeting her parents on Wednesday. In a few weeks I will be going to her daughters house and meeting a lot of her family and friends. We have agreed to be exclusive and not date anyone else. It has made wading through all of the disappointments of online dating worth it.

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The rest of the story.

 

As I wrote above I have found someone who seems perfect for me. Before her I was dating (A). Go back some pages and you will see all of the turmoil she let into my life as I let my loneliness blind me to a number of red flags. Portside called it back then, it should not have been that hard to have a relationship.

 

And it was not really a relationship. The one time I called it a relationship in a text she was upset and a freaked out. She was content with being friends with bennies. We dated for 5 months. During that time we were not exclusive despite my wishing we were. She eventually suggested that we be just friends. I reluctantly went back to online dating. Weeks past where I did not talk to her, she eventually recontacted me and began texting and calling whenever she felt lonely. She continued to also see other men. In my eyes it became only a friendship. She posted photos of herself with another man on dates on her FB page.

 

Fast forward to this weekend when I posted an image of myself with my new girlfriend (such a strange thing to say at 49) after we had had “yes we are exclusive” discussion.

 

Shortly after that I was out to breakfast with my mother and my phone blew up. (A) texted me a number of statements that I can not repeat verbatim as I have since deleted her messages, but the gist of it was that I had some gaul posting that image of me happy with a new lady without contacting her first and letting her know. That I was as bad as her ex husband and ex boyfriend, and that she never should have trusted me. That I made her cry. I explained that she and I were only friends by her request. I was going to explain that she was the one who chose for us to just be friends and I didn’t contact all of my  other friends before posting this relationship on Facebook why should she expect different? Especially when we had not dated for several months and she was seeing other men. Who she had posted about on Facebook without contacting me. She succeeded in creating emotional chaos in my heart that morning and I realized I did not need to let her.

 

So, I gave up on helping her heal Texted goodbye and blocked her on Facebook and on my phone.

 

I wish I could help her find her own happiness but she seems stuck in a misery of her own creation. I do feel bad for cutting her off, but I do not see what else I could have done.

 

I have since learned about the Poor Me syndrome. And looking back can see a lot of red flags I should have noticed before.

 

Bullet dodge.

 

Learn from my mistake. Do not commit to someone more than they are willing to commit to you.

Edited by Leadfeather
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