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On line dating vents and laughs......


momtokam
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Stillwidowed, I hope you have a fun weekend. 

 

My ex is going to teach me how to drive a manual shift tomorrow, and Sunday I have a second date with the guy I went out with a couple of weeks ago. I know, crazy I don't know how to drive a manual shift at my age. I'm nervous because it was my LH'S car. 

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Well I canceled both dates to be safe due to a situation that happened earlier in the month but has recently escalated into harassment on the dating site.  I'm on hiatus since I don't know if the nut job is contacting me under other fake profiles.  So until this guy gets bored and moves onto someone else, I'm too freaked out to chance it.

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  • 2 weeks later...
  • 3 weeks later...

Hey Virgo.  I did.  We might get together again in December when he's back in town.  Really nice guy. 

On another note, I met a man last weekend.  We hit it off instantly, PLUS I was attracted to him (this almost never happens).  We're going out again this weekend.  The only drawback is that he's recently divorced.  He seems interested, but I'm being cautiously optimistic. Not up for being the rebound girl. 

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SW -- good for you! Take it slow ... don't overthink it ... how many stories do we hear of people who have been divorced for years that are still emotionally connected to the ex? Recent or not, see where it goes with divorced guy 😉 (from someone coming up on three years and living with for the past almost nine months with a guy who was separated and didn't get the final on the divorce until six months after the first date)!

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SW I totally agree with arneal. The guy I recently divorced was separated for over 2 years and divorce was final while we were dating. If the "person" is a jerk, they are a jerk!

Just found out actually, the jerk I divorced, was not only cheating on me for over 2 years, but it hasn't even been 5 months and they have already announced their engagement, lmao!!!

Now I get to sit back and watch them self destruct, and believe me I will truly enjoy it.... oh my did I say that out loud, lol😁

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SW...you just never know. Just take it one day at a time and enjoy his company. 

 

The last time I updated I had two dates in one day. I canceled the afternoon date because I dated him before. I decided not to go backwards. I stopped dating him for a reason. I did go on my evening date, but it was our last. My choice, a lot of red flags for me. 

 

I decided to go on a lunch date a few days later with a guy I had been talking to. I'll be honest, I had been hesitant to meet with him. He has 5 children, which is a little intimidating to me. I have 3 daughters myself. Our coffee meet turned into lunch at another location right after. We've been seeing each other quite a bit. I actually spent most of my weekend with him. He's been divorced for almost 2 years, but has been having a lot of issues with his ex. I'm not sure if I'm up for the drama. 

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Thanks for updating, Virgo -- hoping you are well!

 

Seems there is a pattern with our divorcees, huh. So many issues to work through that are different than widow(ers), but issues nonetheless. I think about the amount of time my LH had issues with his ex ... she was a handful almost up until he died. And you figure they'd already been apart about 11 or 12 years when he and I first met. Sometimes people are forced to carry the baggage rather than choosing to -- LH dealt with her because he wanted to be in his daughter's life. He and I fought the madness together (him at the forefront, me in the background). 

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Virgo -- it early on. If you decide to be in relationship, you also have to decide if you are 'all in'. Doing so means you are willing to fight alongside him. If not, keep it casual and stay out of all that. Better to be clear on it than give NG the impression you want to be all in if you don't ...

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He invited me to his mother's birthday party Saturday. I mentioned that it would probably be better for me to meet his children before I met his extended family. Instead of meeting them all at the same time. He agreed and suggested that I meet his kids tonight. They have been asking to meet me. It seems a little fast, but comfortable at the same time. I took my youngest daughter with me. Surprisingly our kids weren't awkward around each other at all. It was a fun evening. 

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  • 3 weeks later...

Just an update, the birthday dinner with his family went really well. We've been seeing each other a lot since. Our kids are always asking when we are going to get together. They like spending time together. His mother and brothers asked where I was when he was with them for Thanksgiving. We decided to celebrate separately for now. We didn't want to introduce our kids to our extended families yet. So far so good, but I'm always skeptical. Why is that? 

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Sounds like things are going well, happy for you, Virgo!   I was slow in making introductions too, almost 2 years with NG and I'm still working on this.   As for being skeptical, I feel this too - it's more of a feeling of vulnerability and not wanting to be completely open to fully loving again - a widow thing for me.

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NG said I seem very guarded. I said I wouldn't disagree. My last relationship ended soon after he said I love you and I didn't say it back. Of course I've thought about that a lot. Was it because I didn't feel that way for him, or is it because I won't allow myself to feel that way for anyone? Am I ready? My NG asked if it was because I thought it would somehow take away from what I had with my LH. I wasn't sure how to respond to that. I honestly don't know. Maybe like you said it's just feeling vulnerable again. I told him that I look forward to spending time with him, and enjoy the time we spend together. I'm comfortable where we're at and going slow. He really dislikes me using the word comfortable. It's become an inside joke between us. I think comfortable is a positive way to describe our relationship, but he thinks it sounds complacent. He did say that he is fine with going slow.

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