StillWidowed Posted August 22, 2018 Share Posted August 22, 2018 Faye.....you're right...some are hoping sex will make the man fall in love with them...and others are just looking to get laid. I know both types. That article made some valid points I'm sorry to say. And not just for millennials. I'm in the trenches. I've seen a lot of what the writer is writing about. So unfortunately, it's not just her experience. It's tough. A lot of weeding. Trying to find that elusive chemistry. But lately, I AM seeing some women that are hitting desperation status. They're getting older and the pressure is on. So unless you're a 50 something year old woman, it might be hard to understand. On one hand it's wilding entertaining and on the other is just plain sad. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Virgo Posted August 25, 2018 Share Posted August 25, 2018 I'm not quite 50 (43), but I've witnessed the desperation with all ages, men and women. A lot of my friend's tell me I'll have a hard time recoupling because I'll never settle for less than what I had. I don't see that as a negative, but they feel what I had with Phil was rare. Maybe, but I'm not settling. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jgib Posted August 25, 2018 Share Posted August 25, 2018 Virgo, I am over 50 (53 to be exact) and feel the same way as you. I don’t see it as settling for less then I had but I do know how good things can be. I am not interested in being with someone just to be with someone. i have dipped a toe back into online. Went on to lunch with one and coffee with another. Just never goes any further. I am not willing to go all in on the first meeting. If someone is not interested in getting to know me better so be it. 2 people now have told me I am hard to read...... 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Virgo Posted August 25, 2018 Share Posted August 25, 2018 jgib, That is exactly how I feel. I'm not interested in being with anyone just to be with someone. I haven't tried online dating sites yet. All of my dates have contacted me through Facebook or mutual friends. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rifatheroffour Posted August 25, 2018 Share Posted August 25, 2018 I think I may be ready to try online again. I did once, maybe too early and got right back out. I'm AT 50 and not quite sure I'll ever be truly ready, I know I'd be ready for the right relationship but it's the getting there that causes me to pause. Like Virgo, I also had a rare relationship/marriage with literally no significant relationship drama in our nearly 25 years together. I agree you should not settle and I don't plan to either, it's part of what makes me approach online dating with trepidation. I think about it like north Atlantic ocean swimming. It's great to sit on the beach and watch the ocean, some waves are more impressive and beautiful than others. You can sit there all day but unless you want to miss out on the fun at some point you have to jump in. You know full well though that once you take that plunge there will be many places that make you cringe, some waves will knock you over. Most of the waves will be unimpressive and eventually the water will feel nice but it could be rough getting there. 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RyanAmysMom Posted August 26, 2018 Share Posted August 26, 2018 Just jumped on to Match for a minute - Haven't been on much because I'm spending time with NG......... Was surprised to see I had 3 messages! So, of course I checked them out........ (Keep in mind, I"m in Northern CA, am 46 looking for someone near my age....) #1 78 year old man in Montana #2 23 year old man, local, lists religious belief as "satanist" (ummmm..... no.) #3 47 year old man...... local........ somewhat good looking........ screen name: justwanttof*cku .............and his email was extremely explicit about what he was looking for. Sigh..... 3 2 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bunny Posted August 27, 2018 Share Posted August 27, 2018 Yeah... a lot of men think women are lying or exaggerating when we tell them what it’s like for us out there. I haven’t done the on-line, or really dated since the 90s, but I remember how incredibly bold/aggressive/crude men could be in person -and (sometimes) quite hateful/intimidating when you weren’t interested. I can only imagine what hiding behind technology emboldens them to say and do nowadays. I remember reading a funny article about a man who posed as a woman on an on-line dating site just to see what all that complaining was about, and prove they were just being over-exaggerating whiners. He lasted a mere 2 hours before he shut it down in horror. Ha! 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
StillWidowed Posted August 27, 2018 Share Posted August 27, 2018 Well this week I've got an RN meet and greet on Wednesday, a biotech pharmaceuticals salesman on Thursday and a day trader over the weekend. Should be interesting. I'll let you guys know if I have any good stories! 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
arneal Posted August 27, 2018 Share Posted August 27, 2018 Bunny -- I read that as well. He couldn't take it. Interestingly, it seems female trolls seek money from men while male trolls seek sex from women. Both seem to want to play with potential interested parties. Lots of catfishing going on out there. Sad for all. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Virgo Posted August 27, 2018 Share Posted August 27, 2018 Stillwidowed, have fun on your meet and greets. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Virgo Posted August 29, 2018 Share Posted August 29, 2018 Yesterday was my birthday, so of course I received a lot of messages from family and friends. One message I didn't expect to receive was from the last guy I was seeing. We dated for 8 months, and abruptly stopped seeing each other in April. He invited my youngest daughter and I over for dinner and swimming. It was very comfortable, we had fun. We had a really good conversation on the phone after I got home about how and why our relationship ended. I'm still processing how I feel about it. He did say regardless of our relationship status he enjoys my company and hopes that we can spend time together as friends. He invited us to his house again tonight to swim. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bunny Posted August 30, 2018 Share Posted August 30, 2018 I’d consider it, Virgo. I mean, it can be hard to find friends once in adulthood, people we truly connect and can be ourselves with, so why not power through that temporary awkwardness and try a friendship? And- who knows- Maybe he’s got some friends he could introduce you to! I like having male friends- it’s a different perspective and they are helpful when it comes to moving heavy objects. Plus, he’s got a pool... 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Virgo Posted August 30, 2018 Share Posted August 30, 2018 I think maybe I wasn't clear. He's hoping we can start up where we left off, but if that's not what I want he wants to spend time together as friends. I saw him again tonight. Honestly, this is different for me. I never really thought I would date an ex. I think it's because of how things ended that I'm reconsidering. About three weeks before we both stopped communicating he told me he loved me. I didn't say it back. I knew he was building up to saying it, but I still wasn't ready to hear it. I did have feelings for him, but I wasn't in love with him. Not yet anyway. I think in this situation it was me, not him. I'm leaning towards spending time with him and seeing where it goes. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bunny Posted August 30, 2018 Share Posted August 30, 2018 Oh my goodness, that is something else entirely! I mean, heck, if you find yourself still attracted to him, why not give it another go? (Again: pool!) Of course, I might be biased since both my husband and boyfriend were exes 😀 Maybe because they were both brief relationships that didn’t end in dramarama, more just cases of bad timing, it seemed very natural to re-visit them. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
trying2breathe Posted August 30, 2018 Share Posted August 30, 2018 I remember you mentioning this relationship ending, sounds like the feelings are still there. It's a good sign that he included your daughter in on your swim date. Go for it!! 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
arneal Posted August 30, 2018 Share Posted August 30, 2018 Virgo -- it seems (and forgive if I am way off here ... we are outside the situation, after all) you are guarding your heart, which isn't a bad thing. However, you might reflect on what you want at this juncture in your life for you (and your daughter). It will be good to have a frank conversation with him to let him know where you are with all this. Do you want to pick up? be friends? be chill and see which way it goes for a bit? Whatever the option, it would only be fair to find out the ground rules -- will you both date while you figure this out? You should know as should he what the plan is. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Virgo Posted August 30, 2018 Share Posted August 30, 2018 Bunny, the pool is definitely a plus. Ha! Especially for my daughters. We definitely were "no drama." I honestly think my response to him saying I love you made him pause. I don't blame him. It's nice to hear that going back to an ex worked out for you. Trying, thanks! He has always tried to include my daughters. I only allowed that after we had dated for awhile. They all like him. He's fun, sarcastic like us. Arneal, you are right! All of those things are going through my mind right now. He's the only guy who challenges me in that way. I'm not sure how to explain it. I think it's guilt or fear because I "feel" with him. It's that vulnerability. I can see myself with him. The other guys I dated were just fun. If we date it would be exclusive, no doubt. On the other hand ladies I sometimes think I just overthink everything!!! 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
arneal Posted August 30, 2018 Share Posted August 30, 2018 As well you should, Virgo! But there is a place where vulnerability is needed. Maybe combining things like 'Please help me by just hearing me out and understanding my head space' with 'I appreciate your feelings and want to be honest with this process' ... 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Virgo Posted August 30, 2018 Share Posted August 30, 2018 That's one thing I really like about him. He's a great listener, very intuitive. We have very deep, honest conversations. We both build up to that though. We think first, then have our talk. I guess we'll see. My youngest daughter already asked me this morning if we were going swimming. I worry about my girls feelings too. Ugh 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Virgo Posted September 6, 2018 Share Posted September 6, 2018 We had our talk last night. I am still confused, but decided to just remain friends for now. When we started dating he had just ended a long term relationship. He told me he's still struggling with that. He feels that he made the right decision, but misses her. I told him I'm not interested in being casual with him. I guess we'll see. Maybe bad timing, maybe better as friends. I do enjoy spending time with him and how comfortable we are together. It's comfortable having him around my girls too, but I don't want to confuse them either. I also told him that. I went on a date Tuesday and it went really well. We lost track of time and didn't realize we had sat talking so long. We're talking about going out again. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KrypticKat Posted September 10, 2018 Share Posted September 10, 2018 On 7/22/2015 at 5:53 PM, SunshineFL said: I never judge and to each his/her own no doubt - but is this my world? Goodness. There's just about everything out there now. You are not alone. I had a guy message me that likes to dress up as Ariel from the Little Mermaid. He claimed he wasn't gay or bi and was not an 'real' cross dresser. He just REALLY likes dressing up as Ariel. He sent me pictures. Unprompted. Of his Ariel cosplay. At least they are being up front so we can decide right? 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Portside Posted September 10, 2018 Share Posted September 10, 2018 24 minutes ago, KrypticKat said: I had a guy message me that likes to dress up as Ariel from the Little Mermaid. He claimed he wasn't gay or bi and was not an 'real' cross dresser. He just REALLY likes dressing up as Ariel. He sent me pictures. Unprompted. Of his Ariel cosplay. At least they are being up front so we can decide right? Wow. From a simple competitive point of view, guys like this make it so much easier for a plain, straight up, normal guy. I don't even know what to say about this fella. This can't possibly be a winning strategy - can it? 2 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
serpico Posted September 10, 2018 Share Posted September 10, 2018 40 minutes ago, Portside said: Wow. From a simple competitive point of view, guys like this make it so much easier for a plain, straight up, normal guy. I don't even know what to say about this fella. This can't possibly be a winning strategy - can it? I guess if his intended audience likes to dress up like Prince Eric? 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jgib Posted September 18, 2018 Share Posted September 18, 2018 On 8/27/2018 at 9:50 AM, StillWidowed said: Well this week I've got an RN meet and greet on Wednesday, a biotech pharmaceuticals salesman on Thursday and a day trader over the weekend. Should be interesting. I'll let you guys know if I have any good stories! Stillwidowed, curious how it went? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
StillWidowed Posted September 18, 2018 Share Posted September 18, 2018 The RN was very nice, but no connection. The pharmaceutical guy canceled and the Daytrader seemed to have an anger problem....lol 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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