To tatto or not to tattoo : The stereotypical question

[CherrY]

Hi everyone,

I'm new there but I wanted to share how I feel about the tattoo question and see what you guys think.

 

5 months ago, when my BF died in a tragic motorcycle accident I was crushed. One of the first thoughts that poped into my head the next morning was that I had a promise to keep. While we were together Jason and I had a private joke (starring an octopus) that lead to our special nickname. I can't really translate in english but we only called each other Poulpy ( in french it kind of goes like : little-lovely-cute-adorable-octopus). And so, one day I saw a beautiful octopus tattoo and promised I would have it made if he died. He loved the idea so much that he talked of it to all his friends and family ! .......it was supposed to stay a joke....but he left us, left me.

So I contacted the best tattooist I knew and did it.

 

A lot of people judge me and explain how I will regret it. To those people I say :

1. WHO THE F*** ARE YOU TO JUDGE ? Your biggest worry is what you are going to eat today...not if you will survive the loss of a loved one !

2. The tattoo truly helped me. In grieving there is a time when you start to heel and it is scary as hell ! I did not want to feel better, I felt guilty : was I forgetting him ? Loving him less and less ? Every time I have a panic attack I pull down my jeans and stare at the delicate octopus on my thigh and I feel better. Jason is carved on my skin and I will never forget him.

3. No, I'm not scared that it will bother the next person I will fall in love with. My loss is part of me (the pain and the love will stay just as strongly as the tattoo : for ever) and if he can't accept that he is not for me.

 

 

Thank's for reading. =)

Hugs to you all

 

Cherry

[biscuit]

Interesting...I have definitely been debating this myself.

 

My DH had plans to get this tattoo down his back, which I politely said no to cause I didnt want to see a large tattoo over his beautiful back (even though we both already had small tattoos). 

Anyways, after he passed, my first instinct was I gotta get this tattoo he planned on his behalf; especially since the tattoo has alot to do with strength and rebirth which is very applicable to grief.  I have held off so far because of the whole don't make a large change in the first year, but its been almost 8 months now and I am still loving the idea of getting this tattoo, so I definitely think it will be the right decision in 4 months.

 

I think its wonderful that you have a permanent memory on your body to remember your love. In general, I would say its a person by person decision though.  And also you are completely right, to all those people who judge your decision, f them, they have absolutely no idea of the pain and strength this process takes.  Thanks for sharing, its nice to know how its helped you.

[Guest sunshinedaydreamz]

If it is what you want is all that matters.

Looks good !

[Guaruj]

Hi Cherry - I'm sorry that all of this happened to you.Hi Cherry - I'm sorry that all of this happened to you.

 

.......it was supposed to stay a joke....but he left us, left me.

So I contacted the best tattooist I knew and did it.

 

You are in good company on this board.  Here's a thread with pictures of other members' Memorial Ink.

 

I have often considered getting a tattoo on my ring finger in place of my wedding band, which I took off my finger this past July 5th. That was one year and one day after my wife, Catherine, died of cancer. I'm still trying to convince myself that this is a good idea. I miss wearing that ring. I consider myself a widower, not a bachelor.

 

2. The tattoo truly helped me. In grieving there is a time when you start to heel and it is scary as hell ! I did not want to feel better, I felt guilty : was I forgetting him ? Loving him less and less ? Every time I have a panic attack I pull down my jeans

 

That tattoo is quite a work of art. It looks like it took hours of work and the physical pain that goes with it. I'm impressed with your dedication.

 

|+|  M a r k  |+|

 

[SoVerySad]

It is a gorgeous tattoo. I totally agree with your post. It only matters that the tattoo brings you comfort and helps you feel still connected to your love. I have a secret Pinterest board with tattoo ideas I've been collecting. I have almost finalized a design in my mind. My drawback is I really have a fear of needles, so I am still too much of a wimp to proceed with my plans. Not sure I'll ever make it there, but I hope I'll get the courage someday.

 

Thank you for sharing your lovely tribute to the love you shared with Jason.

[Nuggets]

 

I have often considered getting a tattoo on my ring finger in place of my wedding band, which I took off my finger this past July 5th. That was one year and one day after my wife, Catherine, died of cancer. I'm still trying to convince myself that this is a good idea. I miss wearing that ring. I consider myself a widower, not a bachelor.

 

|+|  M a r k  |+|

 

I have tried to pursue this tattoo for many years (anniversary is 6 JULY 1979) --- artists are reluctant to do work on digits because they are high use/high wear parts of the body (for women, anyway ) .... I have found a fellow here in Costa Rica that will do it now that I have explained the significance.  I will post pics when the work is done ~ I am jazzed.

 

I did buy a black titanium widow ring engraved with the anniversary but I am HARD on jewelry and it is banged up and scratched after a couple years... it was striking when it was new, though.  Plus it's handy to slip on when I don't want to explain my situation for the kajillionth time... social situations, mainly.

 

Lovely tattoo, OP ~~ my shoulder and back are covered with a spray of ladybugs (me) and stars (him) and I am going back for more ink in the coming days (adding items to cross the shoulders and head down the right side) to add things for the fabulous offspring we produced.... a Leo and a Virgo.  Ain't nobody's business but yours....

 

 

[AndysWife]

I got a large tattoo on my right shoulder blade on the 3rd anniversary. My DH hated tattoos on women but I love it and so do his parents. I got a black and silver feather with black birds flying out of it. It was based on a song about the suicide of the singer's good friend and I pinched his idea. My adult kids think it's fantastic too.

 

Some people visit graves, some people don't. Tattoos are a bit the same way..

[merrylea]

First - your tattoo is gorgeous!  What a piece of art.

 

I have a memorial tattoo on my foot.  Widower BF has a memorial tattoo on his chest.  We both agreed it was a HEALING process to get the tattoo. To put physical pain to the emotional pain that we all have faced.  To have a scar on the skin that you can touch and shows, unlike the scar in your heart.

 

I have to admit though, I can see how these things can become addictive!!!

 

-M

[widowat33]

Beautiful tattoo.

I had three before my dh and I got together, he hated tattoos, so out of respect I didn't get anymore. I could've and he wouldn't have said a word about it, but I decided not to.

Less than two months after he died, I went and got two new ones. One is of our sons names, it's kind of cool when you look at it one way it says the ones name and when you look at it the other way it has our other sons name.

And I got his name with a heart on my foot. I have a weird thing about feet. No one can touch them and I don't like touching other peoples feet, it grosses me out...but he was the only one who I would let put his feet on me, or rub my feet and vice versa. So I knew that's where I needed to get the tattoo.

I'm not so much looking for anyone, but I figure if a future partner has that much of a problem with it they will just have to suck it up or move on. He was such a huge part of my life and well he always will be. If they can't deal with that then they aren't worth it!

[Lmsmdm]

I love it!!! I'm glad it brings you peace!!

 

[Bear Tomás]

Nice work. I need more ink.  8)

[Guest DebW]

I want to get something too, something that is special and will be with me forever but haven't been able to decide yet.

[SieOma]

The only thing I ever suggest about memorial tattoos is to take your time thinking about the design, though some, like you and me, don't need to because it's obvious. Mine is on my foot, and along the side of it is a line (words) and his signature lifted directly off a note he had written to me. At the time, I was working as a tattoo artist, so I did that part of the process myself, and from beginning to end, it is something of a rite of passage. I'm with someone now, have been for a while, and he has no issue with my tattoo. I'm with you on that note; if he was bothered by my tattoo, he wouldn't be right for me for reasons that run much deeper than the ink on my foot.

 

Beautiful work, by the way.

[swilson]

CherrY, I'm sorry about Jason. The shading on your tattoo is awesome. I never considered ink until after I lost DW and don't regret it one bit. Mine is a wrist tattoo and at least once a day I'll kiss it and think of her.