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  • 2 weeks later...

Welcome JoesKathy. I am so sorry for your loss. It is hard for me to remember being just over a week out. It is now such a fogged blur, which I consider a blessing now. Just keep tackling things minute by minute, hour by hour. We are here for you.

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  • 2 weeks later...
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  • 2 months later...

To get one of his cards saying how he is happy to have our family, how he loves to be married and how much he loves me. At the time I thought it was mushy and touchy-feely, as of cause I knew all those things, I felt it every day, no need to write and thank me. Somehow I saved all his little notes and all the cards, all 18 years worth of it. I would give everything to get one of his little love notes on the kitchen table, sometimes with flowers for no reason at all, again. And moreover, to have an opportunity to write a mushy card to him, thanking him for being my husband.

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  • 2 months later...

Took myself out to celebrate surviving 88 days.

Jumped on the honda and had a nice 40 min ride to one of my favorite restaurants,  had scallop and halibut with a salad. The weirdest thoughts came to my head sitting there eating alone.

Like how I was the main cook in our relationship, with Jenny going by and grabbing food to munch on while i prepared a meal.

I miss slapping her ass....most probably cannot understand this but i just liked to smack her ass.....on a slow day i might only get in 3 or 4 smacks.....then she would squeeze my ass back.

Odd ya, but it was one of our things.

She was a popcorn addict....and used to toss it in the air for me to catch in my mouth....we were a good team after 15 years together i could catch 99% plus....while our loveable mutt was always hopeful that I would miss and it would hit the floor.

How I am so relieved to get home without hearing one of those songs that makes me think about her and i just instantly cry.

The smirk she used to let me know she was up to no good.

My new shirts I just bought will no longer be MIA to reappear on her side of the closet ....and her saying "Well it looked so good on you that i thought it would look good on me to" even though they were far to big for her.( Jenny was only 5'5 and 120 pounds to my 6'2 and 210 )

Or how when she was really tired and just wanted to rest she would say " YOUR daughter  needs..........."  as a not subtle hint that i had to go see what she needed or put her to bed or bath her, whatever she needed.

Mostly I miss that look she gave me that said I LOVE YOU a lot louder than words could ever say it.

But i survived day 88.

 

 

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Took myself out to celebrate surviving 88 days.

...

But i survived day 88.

 

 

Every day is a victory, and should be celebrated! Some days are more of a struggle than others, but they all are important. As I near two years without Marsha, my life has changed so very much - my days are not filled with struggle anymore. I have those hard moments, but they don't fill the day.

 

 

Keep living! That this best advice I can give, and I truly think it what Marsha would want for me and our daughter. In many ways I feel feel that I owe that much to her: to make the most of MY life.

 

 

And I think your motorcycle therapy is good. My widower-mentor is also a motorcyclist, and he told me that he loves riding because he can't afford to think of ANYTHING else but the road and its changing conditions. It's healthy to give your mind a break.

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Took myself out to celebrate surviving 88 days.

...

But i survived day 88.

 

 

Every day is a victory, and should be celebrated! Some days are more of a struggle than others, but they all are important. As I near two years without Marsha, my life has changed so very much - my days are not filled with struggle anymore. I have those hard moments, but they don't fill the day.

 

 

Keep living! That this best advice I can give, and I truly think it what Marsha would want for me and our daughter. In many ways I feel feel that I owe that much to her: to make the most of MY life.

 

 

And I think your motorcycle therapy is good. My widower-mentor is also a motorcyclist, and he told me that he loves riding because he can't afford to think of ANYTHING else but the road and its changing conditions. It's healthy to give your mind a break.

 

Thank you so much Justin.

And yes he is right about riding.

Once on the bike and leaning through the turns, nothing else is in my head but the ride.

Same when I fly i find...i can't be thinking of many different things and fly to.

So i just fly.

Day 89 today and it was not a bad day.

Work was okay, and then a little fishing with a friend.

Some fresh fish on the bbq for dinner and texting with a few friends including a brand new friend i just made on here....thanks for the chat M.

 

Good night all and I wish you all sweet dreams.

 

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