Vacationing with the Kiddos

[Heydear]

I?m considering taking the kiddos on a nice vacation this year but am a little concerned about going it completely alone.  We could manage it fine and have a good time, although I also think I would be lonely.  Traveling with friends/family isn't an option this year.  Plus that can be lonely too, because everyone is coupled.  I can take them alone, but safety issues are a concern.  I like the idea of traveling with other single parents and meeting new people.  Unfortunately, the "single parent" travel site I found is hosting a trip to Peru, which is not financially do-able for our family of four.  I?m thinking a cruise, a week or so in the Bahamas, or maybe even a trip to a dude ranch out west (we?re in Pa.).  Has anyone else dealt with this situation, and how did you handle it?  Any suggestions on how to do a full-fledged vacation as an only-parent, while keeping in mind safety, fun, and opportunities to adult conversation.  Ugh.  Four+ years out from my DHs death and I still am working on the logistics of my "new normal."

[Trying]

I'm not sure what age your kids, mine are older so I find vacationing alone with them pretty easy but there are definitely lonely moments.  I think a beach resort that is family oriented is always a good option so you have activities right there.  I have done Universal Studios Orlando which works well if everyone has similar tastes in rides.  Watching intact families around a pool or at dinner can be a little difficult so an active trip is a good idea. Vacations are a great way to pull together as a family so I think the few downsides are totally worth it.  Have fun planning!

[imissdow]

I have done a lot with my kids. We have traveled, gone camping, done day trips and the like.  It really depends on how old your kids are.  I have 2 older and then a much younger and their all girls.  When My DH first died the youngest was 5 and the older 2 were 12 and 14.  I traveled with my 2 older girls alone when they were 2&4.  Probably the best advice I could give you is to have a plan a and a plan b and try not to get to worked up if neither of those work.  I found that most people were pretty accommodating when they saw me traveling with 2 little kids.  You can request pre-boarding if you choose to fly. If you drive plan lots of stops and for it to take forever.  When I travel I get a suite with a bedroom for me. That way I don't Have to go to bed or sit in the dark when the kids are done for the day. At the very least I can watch a movie or read a book.

I also made a point of telling my girls that we all would take turns doing what we considered fun and I got a turn as well. Granted most of the vacation was geared around them but I did get to do a few things that were more Adult type fun. When this happened I simply talked to them about what stuff we had done that was fun for them and then told them it was my turn to have fun.  They whined a little but in the end accepted that it was my turn. Now that they are older 10, 17&19 we still take turns with what we consider fun and for the most part all of us accommodate each other.

[daysofelijah]

Good question. I would like to take my kids on a road trip this summer. Just me and four kids might be too much, but I really don't want to bring my mom along either. I don't think I could handle that, lol. I'm not sure of the logistics of bringing NG along either though, that might be too much for the kids to understand. Ugh, it is so hard! Good luck with your planning.

[keeptrying]

It can be done! I just took a vacation with my 7,5,4,2 and few week old baby to Disney by myself. I was scared to death. I drove 2 1/2 hours to philly... Never did that before, and my car transmission stopped shifting and started to over heat when I got to philly.  Hopped a plane, got a shuttle to the car rental place and back again. I had a baby carrier in the front. The two year old in a carrier on my back. Little ones in each hand and had my 7 year old walk in front.  The airport is not fun.  I do it for them.  Maybe selfishly me also, just to prove to myself I can. I'm afraid of changing things. I want to keep things the way they were when my husband was here. We did a lot of vacations. It hurts so much wishing he was there, thinking of when I was happy.  Seeing the smiles on the kids, reminds me it's not all about me. I am thankful for them.

[sakeraki]

I didn't have it in me to visit my mother and relatives overseas. My sons are 1 and nearly 4, I had the passports and the credit card sitting next to me as I looked for tickets and thought "no, this is not going to happen". I don't think it is going to happen in a long while.

 

I'm not so much scared, as I don't find the "need" to pack myself and the kids on a high pressure tube accross the Pacific, while braving airports, crowds and jetlags. I've surprised myself with that. I've always been adventurous and we travelled obroad when the boys were even younger, no problem, it wasn't as bad as we thought it would be. Now? It seems like a huge drag.

[luvmy2babies]

I have 2 children.  We are at almost 6 years out.  We try to vacation regularly.  It is like therapy.  I started a few months after dh died.  I had though taken a few trips alone with my daughter prior to his death when he wasn?t really comfortable traveling; but was okay to be at home by himself.  I had always liked to travel and had started my daughter traveling early and didn?t want to wait too long to get my son going.

 

We did a week at the beach for our first one.  It was summer and we had booked a short cruise (group trip with our church and 2 others) that I cancelled as dh died right before the final payment was due.  I still had the week off though and since I had returned to work a week after the funeral, I kept the week.  My daughter was 7 and my son was 6 months old.  There were some lonely moments for me; but overall it was a nice trip.  I had one of those pop up tents.  We spent time out on the beach, in the hotel?s indoor pool, went on a dolphin watch tour and visited the local aquarium.  My son was great.  It was actually our first summer vacation.  Dh refused to travel in the summer due to the costs. 

 

Only really tough part was about half way home (3 hour drive), my son decided he had enough of his car seat and cried for an hour.  After stopping twice to comfort him, all I could do was just get home.

 

It was almost 3 years before we did another long drive; but we flew to Orlando a couple of times (2 hour flight).  I like doing Disney because of the flexibility of how I can pay for it.  Plus we stay in one of the cheaper hotels on property and take their transportation so I get a break from driving.  We got hooked and have been 4 times.  We also like Great Wolf Lodge for a quick weekend here and there.  There is one 2.5 hours from us.  We also do day trips to go to sporting events.  We like to support my alma mater.

 

I haven?t done a cruise with both of them.  I really want to though.  I think it is a wonderful way to travel.  That would be great because they have children?s programs on the boats and you could possibly get time together and time apart depending on how the children like the program.  And if you like they try to match you with a similar family for seating at dinner.  You can I think also specify you want your own table.  We did one a few years before dh died.  My daughter was 4 and loved it.  I had said we would go once my son was toilet trained; but for some reason now that she?s older, my daughter says being out there would make her too nervous.  She says it is because she saw Titanic. 

 

Like someone else said, traveling with other family has never worked out for us.  We see my classmates at those sporting events and they have children close to my daughter?s age so that is a lot of fun.  But for vacations, family I would travel with they are in a different stage of life and don?t have to plan as much in advance as I do.  I might get a note 3 months out about a cruise and I need longer than that paying for 3 people by myself.  Or the dates would be during school.  I couldn?t go the first 3 times I was asked; so now I don?t get asked.  I get a text saying, ?We?re about to get on the boat, love you.? 

 

I took someone with us twice.  We took my mom with us to Great Wolf Lodge once.  We took my sitter (at the time) on spring break with us once.  She is the daughter of my children?s Godparents.  She was in high school at the time.  They wanted her to have a vacation but couldn?t get away so she came with us.  The children were 8 and 1 at the time.  It was nice to have her along.  I didn?t have to drag the children with me just to get ice.  But other than that, we have been on our own and it?s fine.  I think if we had to wait for things to line up to vacation with others, we wouldn?t do much.

 

You can do it.  Key is flexibility, especially with younger ones. And especially if you have children who don't carry their own stuff or even if you do, I always say, pack as if no one will lift a finger to help you.  Try not to set off on a trip or even go to the airport knowing that because of the amount of stuff you have you can't get through without someone coming to your rescue. 

 

 

[MamaZ]

I highly recommend vacationing just you and the kids! The first trip is the scariest, mostly due to our own imaginations. I vacationed the first few times with family or friends, but eventually tried it on our own and LOVED it! My kids and I share a special irreverence that we simply cannot enjoy if others come along. I am not sure your kids' ages. Mine were 6 and 9 when D passed. Trips we have gone on include camping at nearby parks, rentals in the mtns or at a beach, hotel trips to Chicago, Atlanta, Washington DC, and, this summer to NYC. Be forewarned, once you start vacationing as "just you guys", you might never want anyone else tagging along ever again. It really can be fun!

 

Being generally aware and sticking together goes far in the safety department, too, since you mentioned concerns there.

 

I hope you find a nice starter trip and enjoy it!

[Heydear]

Good advice.  My kids are a little spread out,  so I need something that is going to have elements that appeal to different ages. Plus, they bicker like crazy sometimes, and I was (remain) a bit worried my brain will be completely numb by the time it's over.  But, it's true - we have not vacationed alone since DH died, and it might be fun to just get away with the four of us.  I'm thinking maybe Disney is the way to go.  Or a cruise.  Or a Disney cruise!  I love the idea of seeing the Caribbean.  Thank you, guys.. :-)

[Sugarbell]

I have done it quite a bit...I actually really enjoy our trips-Definitely building memories.

 

I didn't take all 3 until my daughter was 4 (4,6 and 8)... since then we have done beach trips (recommend a quiet beach with an ocean front place/ocean front room balcony. Our beach is quiet and August is reduced rates-I can't do large crowds with 3 kids on a beach-but a quiet place is perfect.

 

Adventure Vacations are fun. Sometimes I try different things like 2 days here..2 days there, etc...if it's a driving vacation. We did Disney and flew. (They were  6, 8 and 10). It's good for my kids because all of our trips require them learning to compromise (like my boys had to ride Dumbo and little mermaid and Disney and my daughter had to ride Space Mountain lol)

 

I do try to find discounts, coupons and research all the places we go ahead of time. NG has been on one trip with us-and that's now am adjustment for me because it's just been us 4 for years on trips.

 

I have never done international travel with my kids though.

 

Do it!!! The memories for them are awesome!

[Rally]

My girls (25, 19, 15, 8) and I went to Mexico for Christmas. DH died in March 2015,so I just wanted to have some happy memories for my girls for 2015. It was the absolute best decision for all of us. We went somewhere warm and did things at Christmastime that we had never done before. We had a great time exploring, relaxing, and just being together and not worrying about putting on appearances for anyone. I highly recommend it.

 

We did a girls trip in July, so 4 months out, with my mom, sister and nieces...that was just hard. We all felt like we needed to be"on" all the time and it ended up being stressful. We are going to do another girls trip next summer and we'll see if it's any better. For us, being able to just "be" no matter what that is at the time is very important and, sometimes, other people just don't understand that. Good luck!

[Guest TooSoon]

I've traveled a lot with my daughter (now 9) to all sorts of places, with all sorts of arrangements.  A resort might be your best option where things are taken care of and there are activities, childcare, etc.  Also, I've done a series of short one or two night excursions that get us away but aren't too daunting (last winter we spent two nights in Philadelphia which is only an hour from home (we're also in PA) but we had a blast).  There was very little stress, it was not expensive and so we could do things we normally wouldn't like go on a carriage ride and that sort of thing.  Gettysburg is at the top of my list for the spring.  All of the museums in DC are free, though winter in DC?  Not so much.  Another place people rave about is St. Augustine, FL. 

 

When I had a two week work project abroad, I took a sitter.  This turned out to be a very expensive (though I didn't pay her, I had to pay her travel, room, board and the expenses she and my daughter spectacularly accrued every day), stressful, mixed bag because it was not the right sitter for the job but that's another route potentially. 

 

My father-in-law (who is, eh-hem, thrifty) just got back from a week in Puerto Rico at a resort.  I don't think it was deluxe and I know it wasnt expensive; they enjoyed themselves  just lying on the beach and visiting sites.  Check out Travelzoo - they seem to have lots of good deals.

 

The first two big trips we took were either with friends helping me out or staying with friends, but my kid is a handful, especially a few years ago, and I was a raving mess back then.  Those trips helped build my confidence to go it alone. 

 

Still, I highly recommend getting away as often as possible!  Be prepared for fallout when you get back, though.  I was not prepared for coming back to this empty house after our first big trip and it was a shock to the system. 

 

And if you go abroad with the children take a death certificate with you just in case, especially if your children are young.  I know it is morbid but I have been asked for it more than once.  Bon voyage! 

 

ETA: again, I don't know your kids ages but my parents have taken my daughter twice on deals from groupon or living social or something similar to Skytop Lodge in the Poconos.  I know it doesn't sound glamorous (the Poconos) but the facility is gorgeous and they've had a lot of fun there.  There is also a new waterpark called Kalahari (not sure where it is exactly) but they've been running specials to try to drum up interest and market themselves.  Again, both for younger kids.