DGI doctors

[gracelet]

I’m really fucked off.  I just need some sympathy from people who get it.  I’ve been tearful all day. Apologies for swearing but that’s the way I release tension.

 

I got a new job offer but it’s subject to health checks.  I went for an health assessment with a doctor linked to the new employers this morning because of my bipolar which is a protected characteristic under equality laws over here.  I also disclosed my PTSD and complex grief.  She was a fucking bitch.  I’ve dealt with my fair share of doctors and occupational health specialists but this woman was rude, talked over me (which is very disconcerting when you’re trying to explain something so deeply personal) and got defensive when I said I felt rushed. 

 

I also got a bit teary at one point when she made me describe what happens when I get flashbacks.  She later commented I was unstable for work because I am highly emotional.  HIGHLY EMOTIONAL?! Of course I’m fucking highly emotional when you force me to go to a place in my head where I remember finding the woman I promised to spend my life with hanging in the bedroom, grey, and me being fucking hysterical.  It’s not like anyone is going to be insensitive enough in a work context to quiz me on my traumatic experiences.  I told her that and it seemed to shut her up.  I also told her that unless you’ve been through what we’ve been through, there is absolutely no way you can ever understand the complexity and that I am extremely impressive for having not only gone back to my job, but been bloody amazing at it despite my youth.

 

Now I’m potentially badged as unfit to work at this new company after meeting this horribly rude woman for half an hour. I graduated from Oxford University, have had a highly successful career in corporate London for 9 years, working in intense situations, and the only times I’ve cried at work are when I’ve been forced to have an HR type of conversation where my wife has come up.

 

She was just another example of a DGI who thinks you get cured from grief.  It surprises me when this happens with doctors. But yeh, even medical professionals don’t get it. I cried when I came out and called my girlfriend.  I cried walking down the street.  I haven’t done that in YEARS.  What a horrible doctor.

 

I’ve already resigned and am working my notice period.  What if this all falls through? My mind has been racing, playing through potential conversations I might have to have to sway them to make them understand that I am wonderful at my job despite my mental illness. This sucks.

 

[Amor]

I am so sorry she was so rude and not compasionate. It is very bad to have so many people are like that.  Find a job were you will not have to go through this again. I have worked with several people that do not get it so when i moved to my new job i do not tell people what happened.

Good luck with a perfect job where you can start a new life.

Amor

[Mrskro]

I'm so sorry you had to deal with this!

 

Hugs to you

[Mizpah]

I'm so sorry Grace!  So frustrating. 

 

I had a stomach bug once and was worried it might be something more serious because it lingered.  I went to my doctor.  He told me I was giving myself ailments as a way to cope with grief and that I'd be better off relaxing, and should have a glass of wine before eating to calm down, that I was probably just giving myself anxiety.  Uhhhhhhhh....  There was a stomach bug going around my office, I learned when I returned to work. 

 

Some of these people have major god complexes. 

 

I hope this doesn't affect your new position. 

[SoVerySad]

I'm so sorry, Grace.

 

If it becomes an issue with the new employer, I would tell them some what you said here (without the expletives ). I would say that yes, you have been thru a sad trauma in your past which when you are asked to talk about it specifically sometimes results in tears, however it has not affected your job performance as evidenced by.... listing your accomplishments. I would also tell them that going thru difficult experiences often results in unexpected positive growth such as developing an ability not to get hung up on small things (plus anything else that you feel are essential skills for your new job that would make sense).

 

I'm hoping your new employer will see past an experience that happened to you and see you for what you can do for their company now. In fact, I might even say that in some format you can probably figure out better than me. We are all sums of our past experiences, but you can assure them you are an accomplished, hard worker who will be an asset to their company.

 

You can do it, Grace. You're a kickass woman. Don't let that doctor get you down. You know what you've been through and the strength you have that has pulled you forward.

 

Tight hugs and good luck!!

 

 

[Guest April]

I would have had a hard time holding myself back from physically rearranging her face.. but that is frowned upon.. wouldn't stop me from doing it in my head.

 

If it ever does happen again.. either

 

1. I would take this as a lesson learned and not mention it at all.. it's none of their business.. if it's protected under "equal law" then they don't need to know it.

 

2.Which I have done.. when people ask me rude questions that make me uncomfortable.. I turn the tables and am very blunt with them.. which makes them terribly uncomfortable and they back off.

 

I hope everything works out and you get the job!!

[canadiangirl]

Ugh, sorry to hear about this.  That MD sounds unqualified.  Not sure if it is also happening in the UK, but in Canada a key theme in many workplaces (private and public sector) right now is mental health awareness.  Lots of corporate strategies being devised and air time given to it, which is great and needed.  Perhaps if you have to put things back on track, you could note that your experience makes you an obvious asset in any such corporate strategic thinking in this area, now or in the future. Hope all goes well.

[MissingSquish]

Grace, I'm so sorry. That woman shouldn't be in medicine. I agree with the advice given so far to your future employer and be honest with them about what happened. You'll get through this, I promise!

[Torn]

I despise healthcare as a,whole in many cases,especially one like this,these doctor's lives are quiet different from ours in to many ways.

  The experience of true sudden loss,is unbearable at times, its unreal that there isnt more compassion.

  Its odd to me that any doctor that is in this field ,more doctors arent better equipped to assist & evaluate on a broader scale.

  Its sickening to me,that so many with bipolar disorders are lumped into tge same category.

  Bipolar disorder has been over medicated & misunderstood longer tgan it should be.

  Hopefully in time these things will get better for you,possibly another doctor would be a good idea

[jeff1038]

Please can we have an update Gracelet. Praying for a happy ending