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5years


imissdow
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This past week I hit 5 years. I had his birthday last Monday and then Thursday was the day he died. When I started this journey I was determined to be one of those people who walk thru it with my head high and my pain kept very private. I figured a year maybe 2 and I would be good. I would meet Mr chapter 2 and things would be good again.  That has not been my reality at all. I have been fortunate enough to meet some great people. I have some new friends land friends who have stuck by me.  Life has been really hard the past 6 years. Dow was very ill the last year of his life. My kids have struggled, cried, drove me crazy, cried and laughed with me.  This journey has been longer and harder then I ever dreamed. I still haven't meet anyone who I want to be with long term. Yet all in all my life is finally good again. I laugh more then I cry.  I have 3 really good kids who in-spite of my iffy parenting skills are becoming beautiful caring responsible ladies.  I spend more, eat more junk food, let my kids stay up later and worry less about grades then ever. A whole lot of stuff that used to bother me now hardly gets noticed. I'm not sure Dow would recognize me now. I still miss him but now his memory brings a smile instead of a tear. I have hardly arrived yet I have come a really long way.

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Thank you for this description at 5 years out. It is hopeful sounding. I don't have high hopes of finding love again or even being overly happy - just being more consistently OK feels like a more practical goal for me. At 2 years out I really struggle some days (like today when I feel so "OFF") and other days feel do feel OK. I wonder what I/my life will feel like in a few years.

 

 

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Guest TooSoon

I spend more, eat more junk food, let my kids stay up later and worry less about grades then ever. A whole lot of stuff that used to bother me now hardly gets noticed. I'm not sure Dow would recognize me now. I still miss him but now his memory brings a smile instead of a tear. I have hardly arrived yet I have come a really long way.

 

Hi imd,  I was happy to read this too and your words above describe how I feel in so many ways.  I hope when your daughters head off to camp (Kesem again?  Mine is going too) that you will take that time to relax.  Sending love. 

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