What's in a name?

[OSAAT]

My first username was jme831. It stood for Jaimie I love you. 831 means i love you, 8 letters, 3 words, 1 meaning. Actually August 31 is national I love you day. I changed it to OneStepAtAtime. Everyone shortened it to OSAAT when interacting with me, so I took the liberty of making it easier for everyone and went with OSAAT this time around. I was thinking of changing it again, but that just might be too many changes.

[Guest AC]

This is a great thread.  So interesting to hear everyone's story on this.  As is often the case, I find that my own username story has already been told in bits and pieces by others.  Here it is anyway.

 

I first stumbled upon the YWBB at about 3.5 weeks out.  I was a complete and total mess and all I could think was "I miss Andy so $%^&ing much".  So I typed that as a screen name, but apparently it was too long, thankfully.  So I started out on the board as "missandyso" without really purposefully meaning to. 

 

Here is my post from my first name change at 8 weeks:

 

Well, I have made it 8 weeks. Impossible to believe, but the online calendar does not lie. This is still so hard, I can't even really believe it. But I think I am making progress.

 

I took a nap today and woke up actually WANTING to do something! First time in 8 weeks. Of course, I am not doing anything and no longer want to, but for a bit there I did! That's progress.

 

I also really believe it now. When my mind starts to play games, it only takes a second to realize he is really gone and never coming back. I look at my phone way less and only keep a tiny bit of an ear out listening for him to come home. I am really starting to get it. And that is progress, no?

 

Finally, I am changing my screen name. My old one (missandyso) makes me sad every time I see it. Yesterday, I ran into old friends who were calling me by my old nickname - Andy's Candy. It made me laugh so hard. And that is what I need - laughter. So, goodbye missandyso. Andy's Candy is back!!!

 

Sue

 

The backstory behind the nickname - early in our relationship when I went to meet Andy at work one day at the construction site, he introduced me to a friend who said "So you're the one who brings a twinkle to his eye - you're Andy's candy!"  Andy went into panic mode, thinking that this nickname would not sit well with a woman such as myself.  I, on the other hand, busted out laughing and thought it was the sweetest thing.  It became a running joke.

 

Then sometime between 6 months and a year ago, I really turned a huge corner in this widda journey.  I wouldn't say I am entirely beyond active grieving, but mostly.  I no longer really relate to that feeling of being his - I miss it but I don't live it every day any more.  Some of you from chat may remember my mentioning a name change.  Overall, I was counseled against it.  More problematic - what would my new name be?  Everything I thought of seemed not quite right in some way.  I did nothing.

 

When the old board closed down, it seemed appropriate to leave Andyscandy behind for many reasons.  At the same time, I wanted to be recognizable.  So I went with what the majority of y'all call me - AC.  Pretty much meaningless outside this community, but means something to me.

 

As always - too long.  Sigh.

Sue

[Guest Lost35]

When I joined, I was (no surprise) 35, and just starting out as a widow who had only recently discovered that our long-awaited child was on the way.  I never got to tell him.  I never saw him again at all after the accident.  I couldn't work and had to give up the greatest job I've ever had and one by one, a great number of our closest friends were injured, sick or dead.  I suppose creativity disappears when all hope is...lost.  I know I was.  Just Lost.  Sometimes I still am, so I've kept the name.

 

It is now a reminder of how far I've come these days. 

 

-L.

[twistedmensa]

It's just a nickname I was given by my friends when I first started going to college.  Apparently I was a bit on the cerebral side and my sense of humor was decidedly inappropriate.

 

Here's to hoping my sense of humor returns.

[Gabzmom]

Mine is not so clever either. I have used this username for years.  I am Gab's mom.

[Carey]

Ya'll got me wishing for something different and more creative lol I'm so boring!

[DonnaP]

We were supposed to pick "meaningful" names?? Ohhh ...

[ThalginsLuv]

My husband played an online game for years. Thalgin was one of his favorite dwarf characters to play. He had made relationships with people all over the US with this name. These people would call him on the phone and we would send real Christmas cards, exchange family pictures and even a few came to visit us when they were vacationing. It was fun meeting these people and they would call my husband Thalgin even though they knew his real name. Years ago when he got his first brand new car I got him a licence plate frame that said Thalgin's Warhorse. He always called me his Luv. So ThalginsLuv came about. I joined YWBB 3 weeks out when I just found out I was pregnant. 

[Justin]

I was just about 3 weeks out when I found YWBB, and (surprise!) like many of you my brain was frazzled with grief and I wasn't feeling that creative, so I signed up as MissingMarsha. Marsha was my wife's first name, and her death left a huge whole in my life.

 

When the new board here was created, I decided to change my handle to my first name. I have my old handle in parentheses, but that will be going away. I will always love and miss Marsha, but as I move forward I feel the need to identify more with who I am now ("me") and less as my late wife's husband.

[November]

I'm November because my husband use to tell me that his life changed when he met me in November.  He also propose to me the 5Th of November and it is also my birthday.

[serpico]

Frank Serpico was an honest, badass cop who lived in NYC and wasn't afraid to blow the whistle on corruption in the force.

 

I'm an honest, normal dude from Ohio, so if you can't see the connection I don't know what to tell you.

[AndysWife]

Clearly - I had no imagination in those first few days after he died. I've been thinking about changing the name as I no longer feel like I am his wife anymore. I am most certainly still his grieving widow but I don't want that to be my focus anymore either. I call myself Slave2three in my quit smoking group - maybe I will change to that..

[Guest Munsen]

Hubby was from a family that easily gave nicknames to everyone in the family so it was natural that he would soon have a nickname for me.

 

He always got a kick out of me being able to mimic Marvin the Martian and Beaker on the Muppet Show when we first met. However he said he couldn't call me Marvin as it was a guy's name and I was 'too smart' to be called Beaker so he started calling me 'my Bunsen' after Professor Bunsen Honeydew, Beaker's boss. It quickly morphed into 'Munsen' and that became his preferred nickname for me for all of our marriage. I also picked it for its anonymity as it wasn't something he'd call me in public, it was saved for our private moments when just him and I were watching TV, etc. so I felt very few people outside of our children would recognize it or search for it.

 

When he died I felt that I wouldn't survive without some help (I was the only young widow in my community that I knew of and I felt so alone in my pain). So, I went online looking for support, googled 'young widows' and YWBB came up so I joined that night just two weeks after his death. In my grief that was the only name that came to me and it seemed right to be known by his favorite nickname for me and I wanted to hold on to that memory.

 

That nickname is such a 'talisman' to me that I couldn't let it go when this new board started up.