How long did you wear your wedding ring?

[yogamom72]

Currently I am wearing his ring and mine.  We are very fresh with all of this in that my husband died less than 2 weeks ago.  I am just wondering what the time line is for wearing rings.  I love my set.  The woman at the social security office said "your marriage ended by death on Sept 8, 2016" and I can still hear those words ringing in my ears.

 

Did you switch to something different on that hand?

[Wheelerswife]

yogamom,

 

You wear those rings as long as your heart desires.  I wore my rings from my first husband on my left hand for a little over 3 months before switching them to my left hand at midnight on New Year's Eve.  I was with a widowed friend and we talked into the night about how we hoped for a better year. The last year had been full of anguish!  A few months later, I removed my rings altogether and put them in a jewelry box.

 

I wore my second wedding band on my left hand for quite some time after my second husband died.  I eventually had it resized and I have worn it on my right hand ever since.  It had been over 2 1/2 years since my second husband died.

 

So...two different men, two different losses, two different decisions about wearing my rings.

 

You are right.  This is very fresh for you.  I hope you don't feel pressure to make decisions about these kinds of sentimental concerns.

 

Hugs,

 

Maureen

 

 

[twin_mom]

I've read many opinions on this, with different ways it's been done, but the sum is: you wear them until it's right for you, and then you do what's right for you with them. This is definitely something that's individual on your own timeline.

[Sirin]

Two weeks after the death of my husband (a little over a month ago) I went to a tattoo parlor and got a wedding ring tattooed on my finger.  It made me feel slightly better, and still does (every time I look at it).

[Jess]

I took mine off the first wedding anniversary after he died, which was just under 3 months out. It just felt right to me. I want to add my voice to the growing chorus that there is no right time other than the one you choose or don't choose for yourself. I am a rules girl so the lack of a guideline drove me nuts, but I found what was right for me and so will you.

[Julester3]

I lost my husband in April. I stopped wearing my rings before summer started - probably late May? I don't recall exactly when anymore. Time blurs for me a little. I honestly just didn't feel married anymore - it felt like I was lying to myself or continuing to encourage my denial. Though I still dearly love my husband, I felt at the time that our marriage agreement was done. Until death do us part. Also, all the various paperwork I was filling out had me change my status to "single with children."

 

I put my engagement and wedding rings away for safe keeping with my anniversary band that I also feel I cannot wear for the same reason. I hope to wear them again someday when my time comes but not until then. I switched to wearing sterling silver fashionable rings on different fingers.

 

I know this is just how I make sense of all of this and how it works in my case. I buried my husband with his wedding ring. People thought I was nuts because it's a pricy, heavy platinum band but I felt he needed to have it. It made me feel good that he had it.

[imissdow]

I wore mine for about 7 months. Then I took it off and wore LHs ring on my right hand for a good 18-24 months. 5 years out and I've considered having them made into something I would wear again. My grandmother lost my grandfather when she was almost 60. She wore her ring untill she died. I remember seeing that some had there's made in to a pendant his ring was the outside hers was a heart inside. There is no right or wrong wear it as long as you like, however you like.

[donswife]

this is such a personal decision so no right or wrong way

just do what you feel is right for you , I am sure you heart will lead you

you can always put it back on if it doesn't seem like the right time

I am almost two years out and still wear mine but only because I still feel married

and I am sure when the time comes for me I will know

[MrsT85]

I had mine resized and switched them to the other hand at a handful of months out (I probably would have waited longer but I stupidly damaged my ring around then and needed to get it repaired so did it all at the same time) and have been wearing them there ever since - he's been gone about  3.5 years now.  As everyone else is saying there is no right or wrong timeline, it's so very personal - but my personal feelings on the matter remain that I intended to be his wife forever and wear his ring until the day I die.  The fact that he died doesn't change that, even if it means I don't necessarily wear it as a wedding ring anymore.

 

ETA - I remarried a couple months ago and luckily my new husband is very respectful of my grief and the ways I still choose to honor my Tim.  I now wear two full sets of wedding/engagement bands - the one on my right hand from Tim, and the ones now on my left hand from my new guy.  I did something similar with my last name - when I married Tim I happily dropped my maiden name and assumed his.  With new husband, I kept Tim's last name and added his with a hyphen. 

[daysofelijah]

I wore mine for exactly a year and took them off on the anniversary of his death. I love the rings and will hopefully make them into something else one of these days. Totally depends on how you feel, not others expectations.

[Catnip]

I still wear both my engagement ring and wedding band on my left hand as always, right where he put them. It’s been 9 years for me. My wedding band is engraved with his initials to me. It's his gift to me. I guess it’s a tribute to our 26 year marriage. I feel safe with them on.

 

At the funeral home, minutes before they closed the casket, the director asked me if I wanted his ring. I had never given it a thought. Before I could even respond, my three sons, ages 17, 20 and 22 all said “NO! You gave it to him and it’s his.” So I said, “Then I want to be buried with mine.” So he was buried with his wedding ring and I continue to wear mine.

 

I don’t see the difference of moving them to my right hand. Some countries have the right hand as the traditional way to wear them. Rather, I have added a widow ring to my two rings. It’s a black band that looks like an anniversary ring. I found it on line at www.expressionsofgrief.com.

 

[MrsDan]

I wore mine for three years. That was about when I started dating. I'd take them off for dates, but one time I forgot, and I really didn't want to do that with the guy you is now my boyfriend, because I really liked him. I tried the right hand thing for a bit, but they were pretty snug there. The funny thing is as long as it's been without them (almost a year), I can often still feel them.

[Guest Justme2]

1 month. After that I felt a bit strange, like I was married to a deceased person. The ring to me was a symbol of being together. 7 years later, we are still together, but only in spirit. Everyone is different.

[fuchsiasky]

Mine is a tattoo. It didn't take well the first time so I just had it redone for my first anniversary without him. That's at 11 months. If I meet another man that I love he can have another finger. I'll tattoo it for him. ☺

[Rayspumpkin]

I wore them daily for about 5 months...but I started feeling weird with having them on while being considered "single" so I put them away. They reappear every year on our wedding anniversary, and our dating anniversary; I'm almost 4 years out. Sometimes when I've had a particularly rough day, I put them on, drink some wine, and let myself lie down and imagine how things would be different if he were here. The rings have become a bit of a security thing for me...mostly they sit in my jewelry box, safe & sound after being widowed 3.5 years ago...but certain days...I need the comfort they bring. Luckily everyone in my life knows if they see the rings...I'm having a "Daniel day" and they've learned to be extra loving to me on those days. I rarely wear them outside my house though. It's all about what makes YOU feel better...and everyone else's opinions be damned. Your grief, your rules.

[Bunny]

I took them off after i realized that I no longer felt married. Well, first I had a really good cry about that fact,  and it did take a while more to be able to remove them completely. I tried to put them back on a few times in moments of profound sadness, but after that realization it just never felt right again- which was sad on another level also because they belonged to my grandmother- she had asked me to wear them a few months before she died.

[MauiMermaid]

Approaching 4 years and I still do. Not all the time but often. It's too pretty and special to sit in a box. I'm really fortunate that NG doesn't mind me wearing it and actually celebrates that I do.

 

Hugs to you.

[JustLola]

I'm a little over 6 months in and I alternate between wearing his and mine together, and a beautiful vintage ring he gave me on our anniversary 3 years ago. It was meant to represent our new beginning after a rough patch. Our Christmas present to each other last year was new rings and we renewed our vows - with our 14 year old officiating (!). This was about 4 months before DH passed away. He had tears in his eyes because it meant to much to him.

 

For now, I'm following what feels right. I love all three of them but some days it seems like I'm perpetuating a fraud. They just don't feel right. On other days, I can't imagine being without them. Wrapped up in all that is my self-image: am I ready to be seen as a single woman. I can imagine a time coming soon, though, when I take them off for good. None of it diminishes my love for him.

[piecesofapart]

I did not wear my wedding ring everyday- as it interfered with my work day. So mostly I only wore it on weekends and special occasions when my husband was alive. It's not that I did not/don't feel married anymore...I won't let death steal that from me...but it is a different kind of marriage now. So I did wanted something more true to wear. So one year after I got a white heart ring...inside the heart is a little of my husbands ashes. I put it on for the first time on our 1st anniversary apart.

[Gabzmom]

I wore mine about two years and I wore his on a chain for 6 months.  I think you go with what feels right for you. 

[Adley]

Six months in I had just dropped the kids off to visit my dad for the weekend. Halfway back on the three hour trip I had to stop and get gas. I was crying. I could see all the strangers going in and out. I knew it would hurt to take it off, but it hurt to leave it on. I wasn't sure if I was being honest with myself or with other people. I didn't want them to look at me and think " happily married". AAAAGH! I pulled it off ( that's what it felt like, like pulling out an arrow or something) and sobbed for a while. I paid inside and put it back on. Took it off.  It rode in the console of her minivan for months, I'd put it on every now and then when I was alone.

[beth_krkswidow]

5 months. I can't imagine taking them off,  but that's me. Someone in one of my Grief Groups  took hers off immediately and had a new ring made from hers and his. I wear his on a chain. Everyone is different. Follow your heart,  it led you to him.