Every once in a while...

[MrsT85]

...the offhand, thoughtless remark can still cut right to the bone.

 

I was at my mom's this evening, having dinner just like we do every week.  She truly is my rock, and I love her to pieces and because of that she is really the only person I talk to when it comes to normal everyday frustrations with my new husband.  He's a really great guy who I love very much, but out relationship is not nearly as effortless as the one I had with Tim. 

 

So I was venting this evening about an overreaction he had a few weeks ago during an argument  (the context really isn't important) where he asked me in the heat of the moment if I wanted a divorce, to which my answer was "of course not." 

 

Her response was to pass along an old joke her (not a widow) and my grandma  (who has been dead for 20 years but was widowed in her late 50s - twice my age when Tim died) - "you should tell him [my maiden name] women don't divorce their husbands, they bury them." 

 

Within seconds she realized what she had said and was apologizing profusely, but at that point I had already burst into tears.

 

I don't blame her.  I'm not mad at her.  But goddamn am I still sometimes caught off guard by how much I fucking miss him and how much not having him in my life still hurts.

 

 

[SemperFidelis]

Yeah :-( Indeed a thoughtless remark.... That would send me into tears too.

[Captains wife]

Sorry she obviously didn't mean it - but it made me teary just reading this.....

[donswife]

Ouch ..I am sure she didn't mean it but I understand how it just hits you like a ton of bricks

it is the casual remarks people make in conversation that just make me catch my breath

just brings all the rawness back

take care

 

[Catnip]

Yes. And it happened to me just yesterday. Someone stopped in our office to happily share pictures of his new, first and only granddaughter. We all exclaimed over the beautiful baby pictures. Then he stated that his wife will be staying with his daughter for just a few days as they settle in. He then "thoughtlessly" said "and it's so lonely with my wife gone. I turn to say something and she's not there!"

I froze. But I said nothing to ruin his joy. He does not know I'm a widow.

 

At least she will return home to him soon.

Try being alone for 9 years!! (Yes I have 2 sons still at home but they don't talk.)

 

[tybec]

Had to reign myself in the first yr or two on FB.  People would put dumb stuff, my friend's list, mind you.  Especially things like "I am a hunter's widow."  Golf widow since spring is here.  Stuff like that.  I am sure I was unfollowed by some.  Oh, well.

 

:-\

[MauiMermaid]

 

He's a really great guy who I love very much, but out relationship is not nearly as effortless as the one I had with Tim. 

 

But goddamn am I still sometimes caught off guard by how much I fucking miss him and how much not having him in my life still hurts.

 

Totally this. (((Hugs MrsT85)))

[MauiMermaid]

Yes. And it happened to me just yesterday. Then he stated that his wife will be staying with his daughter for just a few days as they settle in. He then "thoughtlessly" said "and it's so lonely with my wife gone. I turn to say something and she's not there!"

 

At least she will return home to him soon.

Try being alone for 9 years!!

 

This sort of thing happens to me all of the time. All of my workers are happily married, many with husbands who sometime travel. They talk as if their world is ending because their spouse is traveling for 4 days. Idle chit-chat during lunch that pierces my heart. I feel like saying, "Try having them return 'never'." Still have to fight back the tears when this sort of banter goes on too long.

 

(((Hugs to all))))

[mmg19]

Hugs to you.  We never know when an innocent or funny remark may find us so vulnerable.  Since becoming a widow, I have become more cognizant of what I say and know that I've probably said things pre -widowhood which were thoughtless.    Blessings.

 

[canadiangirl]

More virtual hugs.  I have the same relationship with my mom...I dread Thanksgiving this weekend though because every year she makes a big deal of the fact that we all fit around the Thanksgiving table, when if my DH were here, we wouldn't.  It's not exactly a feat --more a defeat, and I notice his absence so much, even if others do not.