Changes in the Home?

[mbanyard]

Hi Everybody,

 

I have noticed a pattern developing.  I seem to NEED to make little changes in all the rooms in my house.....as in I am really driven to do so.

 

Did anybody else experience this sort of thing? I think it might be a protective instinct on the subconscious level that is driving it. Slight changes, like a new set of throw pillows, make the room just different enough that it is no longer "our space" in the way that it was.

 

I am not going to knock it, as the "new" spaces allow me to breathe and help with the overwhelming feelings of memory in our home. Perhaps it's a good thing...I'm just not sure.

 

MB

[TornApart]

Hi MB, yes, I compulsively changed everything too. Tidied and cleaned and sorted and a lot of home-based retail therapy. I even got builders and painters in. Part of it was about doing the things with the house that we had planned together, but a lot of it was trying to take the pain of memories out of spaces and start to figure out who I was without him.

Almost 4 years later, and I don't regret any of it.... except I probably shouldn't have spent quite so much. If it works for you, it works. I know other wids who try not to change a thing and changes they can't avoid causes them pain. I think it is important to do what comes naturally to you. Instinct is an amazing thing.

Good luck x

[SemperFidelis]

Totally common and normal.

 

I replaced a lot of furniture in my house and repainted the bedroom..... I don't know why but it helped me cope. It was like taking the edge off of things somehow. Life changed so radically, it just made sense for me to change other things to make the blow of the biggest change a little less.

I had to make my house my own instead of "ours". I couldn't sleep in my bedroom til I re-did it......I have one of his paintings me made for me hanging above the bed now too. When I got a new bed, it was something I could get excited about. I just had to look at it that way....a distraction....a positive in a sea of negative..... Diverting a negative force into some kind of positive thing.

 

Anyway. Yes. Normal.

[Sirin]

Yes...I am compulsively remodeling and redecorating the house right now.  Somehow it helps. 

[mbanyard]

Thank God! I was starting to wonder, to be honest, if this meant I was losing it.

 

 

Thank you all

 

MB

[Justin]

The biggest change for me was changing up my bedroom to reflect my personality. I had defaulted to letting my late wife make most of the decorating choices, and I needed my most personal space to be about "me". Let's face it, it wasn't "our" bedroom anymore. It was strangely comforting to not have so many"ghosts" there - especially since she died in that room.

 

 

Most of the other home changes were small, basically just to increase functionality for me in the new reality. In the span of less than I year, I had made the decision to move so I didn't feel like spending much time/energy to claim areas that I would be leaving anyway.