6 months today? Can't stop crying

[beth_krkswidow]

6 months today.  Guess I'm supposed to move into the next group. I can't stop crying.  I am so lost. I can't take this. I don't know what to do.  I just want him back. It's time for him to come back now. This is not working.

[Adley]

Aw Beth. . . . .truthfully, there will always be times when it makes you cry. But they get fewer and further between. Don't know the timeline, it's different for everybody. But it will get more bearable. Seeing something good, no matter how small or unrelated, always helped me if I clung to and dwelt on it. It's hard when the current is so strong. But that's what its like to me, being swept down a raging river and every now and then being able to grab a snag just long enough to catch your breath.  And you get swept away again. But there will be another place to breathe. Catch it.

    Then you realize one day that you've been clinging to something good for a day or two and getting by pretty well before you are swept away again. I'm not sure if the current slows or the lifesavers get bigger, but eventually you get more breathing time. But its a struggle now, keep kicking your feet. Hugs and a floaty to you

[Callobg]

Hang in there beth! Adley, great analogy!

 

Peace to you both.

 

With love.

[LTSLforever]

Beth - I know that excruciating pain; I still live it every day (1 year for me).  There have been times when I feel a little better but I always relapse.  I read all of your posts and our feelings are similar.  I am currently going through a stage where I am withdrawing from everything and everyone (except for my feline kids).  It is definitely time for our loved ones to come back.  I wish I could help you but I  don't know how to live this life.

[Soryashusband]

My 6 month mark for losing my wife is next week.This is the toughest thing I have ever dealt with. At the beginning I said I would give this 18 months and if things weren't better I would end it. But I had to give it an honest attempt. Sometimes just knowing I had the power to end it was the only thing that picked me up off the floor. I wish I could look you in the eye and tell you that we will get through this. It will get better.

[beth_krkswidow]

I'm so thankful for this site. To know I'm not crazy. ..guess that's a good thing. THank you to all of you. Adley, perfect analogy. I agree,  Callobg. And to LTSL and Sory...Hugs. Just  hugs.

[MR]

3 months and I still get emotional and want her back thinking enough of mind games. I don't see there will any day in my life when I will not cry but as everyone says it will get better with time so hoping for that.

[beth_krkswidow]

Yes, the long termers say it gets "softer". I like that description.  Cannot imagine it getting "better".... but softer I can accept as a possibility.  We shall  see. We shall see

[Portside]

Yes, the long termers say it gets "softer". I like that description.  Cannot imagine it getting "better".... but softer I can accept as a possibility.  We shall  see. We shall see

 

I want to stress that it truly gets better for many of us that are farther out. The reason you don't see many here with that experience is that we leave the site as it is not useful for us anymore.

 

Of course, that is not everyone's experience but it is far more common than you might imagine. While it may not seem possible right now, long term, it may be your experience as well.

 

Best wishes - Mike 

[Laura1612]

Thank you, Mike. We really need this.

[Ursula]

Oh dear, I hear you. I will be three years in this soon and I can tell you, I felt just like what you are describing for a very very long time. I still do sometimes. What I can say, and I remember very well how often I wished I was further along when someone else told me the same. The pain gets less acute, less breathtaking and the mind is able to open up a bit again, bit by bit.

Hang in there, keep swimming, cry and let it out. This board saved my life I think and I have come back after being away for a while and it feels like home.

Talk and cry and be gentle to yourselves. You grieve because you love. You are going through the unimaginable, but here , you are not alone. It has always helped me to know that. Because we feel so damn alone sometimes. And often all we need is a nudge from someone else, a smile , a hug ..it works, even if it is virtual.

hugs to all of you, and none of us should have to go through this.

 

 

[beth_krkswidow]

Thanks.  I needed to hear this, because I just feel as if I can't go on.  I can't take this.  It will be 7 months on Christmas day and I just can't take it.  It has not gotten any better.  I cannot believe it.  I still can't believe he's gone and I don't want to go on. 

[widowwithbaby]

Beth,

This is my first time on here but I got on because I feel the same as you. December 1 was 6 months for me. I'm not doing any better. This is the worst. I don't know how to survive the holidays. Both being around family and being alone are the worst. There seems like nowhere to turn for relief. How are we supposed to do this?  Hope 2017 is a better year?

[Soryashusband]

I shoveled for the first time this winter. I kept thinking how the last time I shoveled my wife was still alive and I had no idea what a nightmare my life would become. It's not that I'm lonely, it's that the one person on earth who I want to be with has been taken away.

[Mizpah]

I want to stress that it truly gets better for many of us that are farther out. The reason you don't see many here with that experience is that we leave the site as it is not useful for us anymore.

 

Of course, that is not everyone's experience but it is far more common than you might imagine. While it may not seem possible right now, long term, it may be your experience as well.

 

Yes.  I don't come in as often to say it because when I was very early out, it upset me.  I didn't want to feel better, I didn't want it to get better, because I felt like relief from the suffering or time passing meant he was even further away, and I wanted to be closer to him.  I felt like acceptance and improvement for me was a betrayal, was giving my consent.  Everyone's timeline is different, and clearly some people have very deep pain for a very long time, but I agree with Portside.  For me, I felt like I was becoming myself again after about a year and a half and at about two years, I could recognize distinctly: I feel alive again.  (I can't recommend therapy and physical activity strongly enough.)

[beth_krkswidow]

Thanks,  everyone.

Camila, we're so close in time. You lost your husband the day I buried mine.

It just doesn't get any better.

 

When am I going to wake up?

[Skitwin]

The timetable on this forum is not set in stone. God knows I took WAY longer than most to move through my stages. Don't pressure yourself. I cried every day for at least 3 years. That's how I healed. Give yourself some slack here.

[beth_krkswidow]

Thank you.  I do not think I have "progressed" at all.  I am past the 6 month mark, but as far as I'm concerned, it happened yesterday. 

[mbanyard]

I think we all feel like that Beth....it's the most unfathomable, unbelievable thing that it's hard for our brains to truly grasp it.

 

I know in every inch of my being that my DH is gone and has been gone since July, but that didn't stop me from coming home today and wanting to come in and tell him something; my brain just "forgot" for a second.

 

It's hard and I don't think it'll ever go away, but I think we will all, in our own time, find a way to shoulder our burden and put our feet one in front of the other so we can move forward. That's what I'm trying to do each day....put one foot in front of the other and make some form of progress forward. It's the only way I know how to deal with this.

 

Sending you virtual hugs at this most terrible time of the year.

 

MB

[beth_krkswidow]

Thank you, MB. 

 

We are dog people and have 2 huge dogs; but a few years ago, a cat showed up and we, dyed in the wool dog people who would never own a cat, now have 2 huge dogs and one cat.  Anyway, I was scooping the cat litter today, and thought, we need more cat litter in here.  The brand new container is out in the garage.  I'll have to ask him to bring it in for me....

 

Yes, I understand what you are saying.  I know with every ounce of my being that he is gone, as you said, but I still can't believe he is never ever ever coming back.  That just absolutely does not compute.  Someone said it's our brain protecting us from the reality, which is too horrible to bear as of yet.

 

Virtual hugs back at you; and thanks so much