It is times like these when I feel so alone

[Wheelerswife]

I sat at home for the last few days, unable to keep myself away from the television.  I feel as though I am in a world where I am barely a participant.  I know each of us has our own politics, and I don't want to turn this into a political post, but  I feel so empty without having John with me to share the emotions I've experienced in the last months and weeks...and days. 

 

I have a pretty active world on Facebook...but so many of my friends live far from me.  Many were out marching and participating in protests yesterday while I sat alone in my house, trying to make myself do something that will move me closer to my eventual move. (I eventually packed up a dozen boxes of his books I had decided not to keep.) Several local acquaintances were marching more locally...if 2 1/2 hours away can be considered local.  But knowing that others had organized and traveled together only served to show me that indeed, we are merely acquaintances, as nobody even thought to invite me into their circles.

 

Had John been here over the last couple of years, I would have had hundreds of hours of conversations about the state of our country.  We would have been actively involved and out there yesterday...somewhere in this country...marching and communing with others who believe in the dignity of people like and unlike ourselves.  He would have also marched on behalf of his late wife, who was passionate about women's rights and interests. 

 

I hate that my soul still feels so crushed by his death.  He was such an incredible partner and I never felt so embraced and challenged by anyone else in my life.  He got me...and I reached him, too - in different ways, but in ways that we both needed.  He just never should have died.

 

Thanks for listening.

 

Maureen

[cathyr]

Hugs, Maureen!  I really do get it!

[sikeuritgadeun]

I get it too.  I miss my husband.  I have no one now to discuss things with.  In a perfect world none of our loves should have died.  I still deal with this 7 years out.  My wish is that we can keep our memories close to our heart, that is where we still have love.  Love that will always be with us. 

[Ursula]

Hi Maureen, sorry to hear how lonely you feel during this difficult time. It doesnt help if the prospect is dire. Let me just send a little hug up north and a wee you are not alone thought. feeling pretty helpless about this too.  walk on...

 

[Captains wife]

I'm sorry Maureen - widow hugs from the East Coast. Your John just seemed like your match - and its so unfair he was taken from you so soon.

[Guest TooSoon]

Adding more hugs from the East Coast.  Today is the first day of the new semester here and people seem really edgy - students and colleagues alike - as though we're all on uneven footing right now.  These are uncertain times for many of us and that only exacerbates that feeling of being alone. 

 

You know me with always wanting to find solutions when people are hurting - is there a local political organization where you can get involved?  That's how I met my first friends when I moved up here from VA.  I didn't always want to go to the events but I made myself do it.  At first it was meetings and events but it quickly became social, people I still see from time to time and one whose daughters are among M's best friends even now 15 years later.  Just a suggestion. 

 

Gigantic hugs.  Hopefully soon you won't be so far away from your network any longer.  xo

[MissingSquish]

Sending more love your way, Maureen.

[DonnaP]

Hey there, friend!

I wish I could be there with you right now, chatting over tea. I watched the Presidential Race unfold, same as everyone, in disbelief. I'm trying my best to ignore the whole thing in the hopes that it will go away! In the meantime, take comfort in knowing that you are not alone!

Love you!

Donna

[calimom]

I so get this. Big hugs, Maureen.

 

xoxo