For those in budding relationships ...

[daysofelijah]

The dog thing is funny. I'm on the opposite side. BF has a big, hairy, spoiled 80 lb. dog. I tolerate him and try to be nice, but being pet-less for the last 5 years has made me less accomodating of them. Dog thinks I'm great though and is always trying to snuggle, sniff, and love on me. I don't know why. BF says he just wants me to like him, lol.

 

I hate that the dog is allowed everywhere though, on all furniture and sleeps in BFs bed. Yuck, but again I tolerate b/c I know BF loves that darn dog.

[arneal]

That is interesting, daysofelijah -- I used to let my dogs go everywhere, including sleep on my bed. I had to keep them out when LH got very sick because he was on oxygen and whatnot. I started again after he died because that California King was just too empty. However, when NG started coming over, I knew they weren't used to other people. They are for my protection, after all. It's only recently that he's talked to them and most of those have been accidental (when they would break out of their enclosure and rush him ... not a good impression  ;D). I keep them out of my bedroom now, even when I'm by myself. I want him to like them but I also want to respect his feelings about how he engages with them.

[tybec]

Uggghhh.....  this new relationship stuff can be so hard.  NG and I have spent pretty much every kid free weekend he has together since starting to date in March.  Coming up a year!  So, this past weekend, my kid had stuff Friday night, Sat. all day, Sunday morning and then Sunday night.  Busy.  I couldn't leave town truly.  He had made commitments for Sat. morning and Sunday night, too.  So, he didn't come see me though I could not get to him, which I choose to do mostly.  I am bothered he didn't choose to come see me.  He drives daily 77 miles one way to work.  I know he gets so tired, and I don't ask him to drive to see me, another 70 miles.  My head tells me it was just logistics, and he needed to rest, and he did all kinds of catch up things, too.  My heart feels sad he didn't choose me, still.  SO Middle school like but nevertheless, still feeling it.  Blah....

 

PS  My two kittens I got a year ago last Christmas have issues with NG.  When he is here, the male one, who is big, scratches and meows sometimes every hour on the shut bedroom door.  The cat does not when I am in here by myself.  It is awful.  Stupid cat.....but me and my son love them.

 

 

[MrsDan]

Tybec I hate those middle school feelings, and I am prone to them, I think, because I tend to bend over backwards to degrees that others won't. My boyfriend has to do a lot of driving. He has several jobs and has to ping pong around a lot. A couple nights a week he works near me, so I usually get to see him then, and then I usually get a sitter once a  week. Because of his work schedule, the nights we see each other tend to be clustered together, like Thursday Friday, then not again until the following Thursday. Which we've both stated we don't like but there it is. We only live about 30 minutes apart, but I can't pick up and go over there unless I have a sitter. And because he's a music teacher, he has to spend a lot of his off time, prepping, responding to emails. He's busy, stretched to the limit. I get it. But I miss him. I was supposed to get a sitter tomorrow night, but DD is sick so depending on how she's doing that might not happen.

 

BF loves dogs but hates when they kiss or lick and my boy dog is the biggest kisser in the world. My girl, she's more stealthy about it, like she'll casually rest her head on your lap then lick your knee. And BF just does not like it. I don't get it. I mean, I know it's gross, but I just don't understand the level of disgust.

[trying2breathe]

I've gone from a non-caring attitude, to having some dating success lately.  I love the idea of love, being in a relationship, the intimacy, closeness, sharing secrets, history, turmoil and joy.  I need a man that can take control, make plans, follow through, be there.  I found a guy - he's my foodie soulmate, we're socially and politically on the same page, read and discuss similar books.  He's active, funny, polite, a great Dad from what I can tell.  All this I've discerned in a couple of weeks.  Damn though ..... I'm not attracted to him.  I've given this a chance, but nothing.  There's no desire for a kiss, I don't want to jump his bones.  Sad to have to let this one go - sigh.

[arneal]

Oh, trying ... {{hugs!!!}}

One of the dating info sites I read had a post a few days back. The desire for the other person was #1. The 'expert' wasn't saying that sex is the main thing, but if there's no attraction, chances are that there won't be. Without some level of attraction, the idea of that guy being 'the one' is slim.

The not spending a lot of time thing. Ugh! So I had to travel for a speaking engagement from Monday-Wednesday this week. After an overnight away weekend before last where NG was sick, I got sick. It was totally a stress cold. I did my darnedest to get better before leaving as I was hoping to see him before I left. He was still sick so it didn't happen. I was sad about it, even though we texted and whatnot. I got over it quickly because it would have been hell if I had gotten sicker before going to present, right? Silly. However, this was a cathartic trip -- the first one taken where I had no one at home to call and say "I made it' and no one waiting for me at the airport when I got back. That was tough. I cried when the plane was coming in for landing and had to close my eyes when I was on the way to grab my checked bag because there was a husband there, waiting expectantly for his wife. I saw her as she rushed to him for a kiss and just ... felt empty for a moment. I had been happy when I arrived at the airport on Monday though; I hadn't told NG exactly my itinerary, other than I was leaving Monday and would be back Wednesday. When I was getting out of the shuttle, I heard my phone and when I looked, he had texted me -- as if he knew the time! -- to say have a safe trip and he'd see me when I got back. Swoon, right? I texted back once I got through TSA to say I'd let him know when I landed, which I did. We had a couple messages on social media in between and then he seemed happy to know I got home safe and said he'd see me soon. So then I posted a photo and wrote about my teary landing on social media; his response? 'I would have picked you up but didn't know when' Swoon again! So I kept it light and said something back about him being a hard worker who drives like 29 hours a day, that this was something I had to go through, but now that I had, I might hit him up for that ride next time We'll see what this weekend brings as it is my birthday on Sunday

[tybec]

First, Trying2breathe.  Yes, there has to be some chemistry, I think.  With my NG, after talking on line and phone for about 10 days, met up.  I wrote him I knew there had to be something there, as looking good on paper didn't always mean anything.  I believe that, why some folks couple up, and it makes no logical sense but works. So, Good Luck finding someone that meets your dreams AND some chemistry.

 

Arneal, Happy Birthday Weekend!  Hope you and NG can celebrate it together!  Yes, things like not having someone to text you to make sure you made it on a trip are just sad.  Not having that person.  The pick up at the airport.  So glad NG is willing and able next time!

 

MrsDAN, Thanks for the validation.  Glad I am not alone with this. 

 

PS Big cat left me alone all night two nights ago.  Last night with NG here, 4, 4:30, 5:00 a.m. banging, scratching, meowing at the door.  Ughh..........  But on the upside, NG and I had a great time together, especially since we skipped last weekend.  He continues to talk long term, now, me moving closer, blending families.  Too bad the ex wife is such a control freak.  Not gonna think about that today.....

[arneal]

Thanks, tybec -- does the cat like NG? Is he trying to get in for some extra cuddles? My baby boy dog is like that with NG. He's nipped at his fingers and because he's sort of wild, he makes NG anxious, which doesn't help matters. I am hoping the two of them can find some equal ground.

[trying2breathe]

I too miss the travel texts and the airport pickup.  There's an emptiness there when it doesn't happen, these days it's DD that I text and that seems to fill the void somewhat. 

I'm giggling about your puppy, arneal.  Mine is similar in that she's big and energetic, and it will be interesting to see what happens when I introduce her to a man someday. 

 

 

As for me, back to square one.  I guess I should look for some chemistry before making an effort.  Hopefully I'm back in this forum again sometime soon.

[arneal]

Feel free to update us, trying -- we are all here for each other! Yes, chemistry of some sort early on is important. I was so corny about NG when I first saw his profile. I wish I had been a real stalker because I would have loved to have copied/pasted the contents so I could look at it now to see what it was that I liked so much. We had very good written conversations on the dating site right away and in the chat he said something like 'it seems like we have some chemistry here'. I suggested meeting and the rest is history. I know I thought he was cute right off, but besides that, there was something in his writing and eventually in his conversations. But the cute certainly didn't hurt!

[tybec]

The cats.  I asked on-line at very beginning if deal breaker as some folks have severe allergies and/or hate them.  I actually got on line when I got the two kittens for Christmas and decided I could not be a crazy cat lady.  I wanted a man in my life. 

 

NG likes animals, but not a cuddler of animals.  So, not petting or talking to them but tolerating them.  He would have a dog in a heart beat.  I love them, but my life style is not for a dog's care. 

 

Big cat is mellow as can be, but also cuddles on his terms, so not in our laps or anything.  Not sure of the behavior except testosterone?  Idk......

[arneal]

Yes, tybec ... I think it is the testosterone challenge lol! My girl dog is generally sweet to NG and actually my boy is too, but he nips. He does that to men and women, but seems particularly into doing it at each chance with NG, who thinks it's the pup's way of trying to be Alpha. My cat is a boy, but as you note, cats do their own thing, regardless it seems of gender. They tolerate us

[MrsDan]

Oh wow, do you know what he did? He made me a book of all our OKCupid messages and the text messages up until our first date (which all took place over the course of six weeks). He included pictures of us and the restaurant where we had our first date. He then tallied the number of days we've known each other, and the number of text messages we've shared. It is so, so sweet.

[arneal]

Love that, MrsDan! I have a book I made as well but I haven't shared it. I included things like movie and event tickets, along with a little description, a big leaf that was on my windshield after I stayed at his place New Year's Eve into New Year's Day, and little remembrances. It is my own keepsake that maybe I'll share one day. But I don't think I'll ever give it to him  ;D

[tybec]

MrsDan,

 

He is a keeper!  What a beautiful display of love, commitment and caring.  JUST WOW!

[tybec]

Oh my!  NG and I had a big talk.  We had the long conversation a month ago today, using the 36 questions to fall in love.  Well, He is ready. He said he will give me to about Next Feb. to decide, but I need to let him know if I want to "play him or trade him."  I have had the same thought process.  Do you see me as long term, not just good on paper, a lifetime?  Or if not, let me go.  Life is too short for me to be in limbo.  This week is one year we connected on line!  I am so excited, scared, thrilled, in love.  So, the next step?  I take my mother to his town next week for the evaluation for her care level needs at a senior living community.  Probably she will need the dementia unit, honestly.  Talking to dear son about moving, but he wants to finish MS in this hometown.  I am honest with him that I think that would be great, but if grandmother needs to move, it would make sense for us to go sooner, than me travel all the time.  Budding relationships, I tell ya!

 

I am smiling, though.  :-*

 

[arneal]

Good for you, tybec! So glad it's coming together with your family (son, mom) and NG.

[arneal]

Since it just passed ...

 

How was Valentine's Day (for those who celebrate)?

 

I think I mentioned I gave NG a Valentine's Day card; if I did, feel free to skip this part lol. I gave it to him on my birthday (2/12) since it fell during the week and with his schedule I knew he wouldn't be coming round. He seemed a bit worried that he hadn't given me a card or anything and I told him it was just a card, no worries When Tuesday rolled around, he sent me a text to say Happy Valentine's Day, apologized that he couldn't come round due to needing to be on the road early in the morning, and asked if we could get together this weekend. I think I smiled for the next three days ... it was the first time not being married (in which it seems there's more obligation when such dates come for both people to say or do something) that I got a greeting for the day. The first husband didn't do such things and LH was always good about it when we got married, but while dating, this is new to me I'm off to cook dinner for us now and hope he can still come as the weather has been a bit strange here these last couple days ...

[daysofelijah]

Hope you were able to enjoy that dinner and some time together with your guy arneal!

 

Valentine's Day went real well for us. NG has been doing a lot better the past couple weeks, though I'm still understandably very cautious still.

 

He got me pink roses and wrote me a really sweet note that included a cute country song with a box for check "yes" or "no". I've never gotten cute notes like that from anyone. Valentine's isn't something he gets into, so I appreciated his effort even more. I just gave him a cute card and some chocolates. I tend to go overboard on gifts so was proud of myself for just sticking to that this time.

 

He offered to take me out, but I wanted to stay home for the kids and avoid the crowds. So he grilled steaks and we had a nice dinner and time together after the kids went to bed. Probably the best Valentine's I've had in maybe forever.

[arneal]

That sounds fabulous, daysofelijah! Yes, we had a good evening. It's funny -- I don't think of myself as particularly schedule-driven, except when traveling or planning meals If I say the meal will be ready by a certain time, I expect us to be at the table at that time. NG, not so much. I'm slowly coming to terms with that. Like last night I had planned dinner for 6pm; I can't remember what time he texted me but he wrote that he was finishing a bit of laundry and he would be here after. He didn't get here until about 7:30 and joked about the food being cold (like he was testing to see if I was angry) -- I was like, that's what microwaves are for It was okay because it gave me time to take a nap as well! But the thing was, I noticed he'd gotten a fresh haircut and all this sort of thing, like he was trying to look nice for me. In the end, it was a nice night of conversation, food, and a movie.

[Captains wife]

Mine was great too - the first time I really celebrated this holiday in 5-6 years. NG had lots of stuff planned. First he orchestrated a little plan with  my son such that my 5yr old gave me an orchid, teddy bear and a card. (It was so cute - my son came running into the room with each item seperately then also gave me a card he sighed himself). Then I was upstairs working out while NG was working from my house- and he called out that he had unf made a mess in my kitchen. So I came downstairs and my kitchen table had been cleared and there was an enormous bouquet of flowers in a vase in the middle of it, a helium heart balloon floating above it, cards with cute sayings scattered all over the table, a box of chocolates and 2 plates of scrumptious chocolate covered strawberries at either end as well as a very sweet card in the middle of it. It was gorgeous - and I felt so spoiled ! Then he made me one of my fav dinner from scratch (pasta bolognese) - stayed over. And we went for brunch the next day (took 1/2 day off work). Swoon...

[tybec]

Yup, first Valentine's Day in 5 yrs. to have a lover's card  :-*  He couldn't come see me Tues., but did our Wed. night  and my DS was on a school trip.  Nice evening together.  Then we went to Bon Jovi Sat. night. Had plans since Oct.  Ate out and stayed in the city.  Fun!  Feel like a teenager! 

 

 

[arneal]

Sounds fabulous, tybec!

[MrsDan]

Our Valentine's day was really nice too. We went out on Sunday and I brought his gift (a pair of cute socks and some chocolates and cookies). He asked why, and I said since I wouldn't see him on the actual day, since he usually works pretty late on Tuesdays. He said that he rearranged his schedule so that he could see me that day. He came over Tuesday night with the aforementioned gift, a rose, and a little something for DD as well.

[arneal]

I saw a post over on one of the other socializing boards about changing social media relationship status. What do you all think about that? I go through my spells where I would love to do it, then I'm like, 'That's silly', then I imagine what it would be like to have that conversation just like the person who posted, then I imagine NG asking me about it ... sigh -- neurotic much? LOL. We sort of talk around the relationship conversation but real life speaks volumes to me. Whenever we go out, he holds my hand the whole time; I've never been with anyone who does that. LH was affectionate, but not like this. Neither of us have a big circle of local friends; I have a few people that I go to lunch with every now and again, but it's not like there's a bunch of family around for us to go to dinner with and announce 'Here's my bf' or 'Hey, meet my gf'. NG has shared that he and his ex dated for quite some time before making the big plunge and that turned out not so good so it doesn't surprise me that no labels have been placed. After all, we haven't even been together for a year yet. However, we're sneaking up on it (the end of May). How about you all?