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LeahRoot84

Young widows??

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I became a widow at 31. I am now 32 and going on a year I have lost my husband. I would love to meet others in my shoes that live near me. I'm in Vermont.

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There are some new Englanders here. I wish you luck. Getting together with other widows in a casual surroundings has been healing for me.

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Guest TooSoon

Hi Leah, Try posting again with Vermont/New England in the subject heading - you might get more responses that way.  Thinking of you. 

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Hi Leah,

 

Widowed at 30, now 34. I don't live in VT, but I just wanted to let you know that you aren't alone.

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Hey,

I don't live in Vermont, I live in central Texas - but also wanted to let you know that you are not alone. I lost my husband when I was 32, almost a year ago.

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Oklahoma here. Need a wife badly. 35 now, it's been 7 hard years.

 

I am now absolutely certain that a widower and single woman (not widowed) will never mix.

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you  never know who will match who. but widowbagos are to get  together with other widowed people in  a safe environment. not for wife hunting. new widows often fear getting hit on at a bago. that is not in keeping with the purpose of bagos.

have you tried meetups or community activities or groups? church if appropriate for you? good luck.

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you  never know who will match who. but widowbagos are to get  together with other widowed people in  a safe environment. not for wife hunting. new widows often fear getting hit on at a bago. that is not in keeping with the purpose of bagos.

have you tried meetups or community activities or groups? church if appropriate for you? good luck.

 

A good man does not hit on a woman. He simply enjoys the company of others and if someone wants to ask, they ask. The purpose of being around others is to accompany them, no matter the cause.

 

I find that this intensely carnal society that I feel alien to is confusing so many as to cause prejudice and opinion where none belong. I am so tired of having to overcome their preconceived notions. It is no different than assuming that a widow(er) can immediately return to a normal life the very next day after losing a spouse. Assumptions are absolutely rotten.

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A good man does not hit on a woman. He simply enjoys the company of others and if someone wants to ask, they ask.

 

See, that's hitting on, and there's nothing wrong with it - good men (and women) *do* do it, all the time. 

 

I also completely disagree that widowers can't be in happy, healthy, successful relationships with non-widows (and vice versa).  Many here have found just that. 

 

Simple point, though, that's really important for this community remaining what it is: this isn't a dating site, and widow get-togethers arranged here are not for the purpose of finding new mates or establishing new romantic relationships.  The world is full of actual and on-line forums for that.  What the world is NOT full of is safe places for young widows and widowers to find comfort and solidarity, to say whatever they need to say without worrying about the normal pressures and concerns of the outside world, including romantic complexities.

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A good man does not hit on a woman. He simply enjoys the company of others and if someone wants to ask, they ask.

 

See, that's hitting on, and there's nothing wrong with it - good men (and women) *do* do it, all the time. 

 

I also completely disagree that widowers can't be in happy, healthy, successful relationships with non-widows (and vice versa).  Many here have found just that. 

 

Simple point, though, that's really important for this community remaining what it is: this isn't a dating site, and widow get-togethers arranged here are not for the purpose of finding new mates or establishing new romantic relationships.  The world is full of actual and on-line forums for that.  What the world is NOT full of is safe places for young widows and widowers to find comfort and solidarity, to say whatever they need to say without worrying about the normal pressures and concerns of the outside world, including romantic complexities.

 

My experiences and yours seem to be quite different.

 

Hitting on others happens to be actively seeking the attention for the explicit purpose of gaining an intimate relationship. There is entirely too much of this going on as the culture in America today has absolutely no inhibitions. I detest the fact that most today would rather have a quick lay than a lifetime relationship.

 

I never specifically said that it is impossible to mix the two. I lamented my frustration that due to my experiences I perceive that a widow(er) cannot seem to have any real success with a non-widowed eligible (not divorced) marriage partner.

 

As for simply talking to others in a common discourse - If that is hitting on people then I suppose I'd best just stop every form of communication. It sounds absurd but if you aren't spouting conjecture and have a point then I may just isolate completely.

 

This is a site where folks act like they want to reach out but really don't do much more than try to get through grief. This is not a dating site (duh) and saying that I am treating it like one is like me saying that you are some sort of law enforcement trying to honeypot me with this website. It simply is not true and has no bearing whatsoever on reality. I have not found a real community here. I have found a terrible mistake when looking for what I needed: Companionship and community.

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As one that's attended a bago, just one - I found a welcoming compassionate group of wids that I could, at last, relate to.  There was no pressure of any kind for anything, just a place to be yourself, share if you'd like and feel accepted.  I left bago weekend with a sense of belonging to a community of people that full well know this shitty journey, that had been there and done that and some were much further along than me.  It was a time of immense healing and acceptance and made a big difference in my grief process.

 

Christopher  I don't know much of your story, but I will say that this community supports and provides relief to many.  There are a lot of different people and personalities on this site and I do hope that you can find a place here.

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Christopher: when I started going to widowbagos I went to connect with other widows/ers.  Finally able to put the names and faces together.  Some of our gatherings were anywhere from 4 to over 30 people in attendance.  I met some great amazing people and always looked forward to the next one.  Some of the people I met at these dinners did start dating and even married.  But if you think that people go to these get togethers to hook up you are sadly mistaken.  For me that was the furthest thing from my mind.  I myself met a great man over 4 years ago on an actual dating site and he has accompanied me to some of our widowbago dinners because he is also widowed.  I have introduced him to some of the great men and women I met when I was going through the darkest period of my life.  He even accompanied me to the wedding of a couple who met through one of our dinners.  You may be putting your opinions/ideas out there without offending anyone but for some the words might have a different meaning.  Especially when you are dealing with people in the various stages of grief.  Don't take some of my comments wrong.  It is not my intention on criticizing.  Just an opinion and nothing more. 

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I need companionship and community even today. My only friend is a computer and my son knows only solitude. I cannot seem to connect with anyone anymore and most of them look at me like I am a terrorist for trying to initiate a dialogue face to face without meeting them through electronics first. I hate this world so much now.

 

If only there was some way, some means to connect with others without drugs, alcohol or wanton sexual immorality involved... some place that isn't a bar, rave, country club or whatever else I keep getting told to go to to find companionship and possibly that intimate relationship I need so badly... if only there was some way... some means...

Edited by Christopher

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22 hours ago, Christopher said:

I need companionship and community even today. My only friend is a computer and my son knows only solitude. I cannot seem to connect with anyone anymore and most of them look at me like I am a terrorist for trying to initiate a dialogue face to face without meeting them through electronics first. I hate this world so much now.

 

If only there was some way, some means to connect with others without drugs, alcohol or wanton sexual immorality involved... some place that isn't a bar, rave, country club or whatever else I keep getting told to go to to find companionship and possibly that intimate relationship I need so badly... if only there was some way... some means...

GO TO CHURCH!

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33 minutes ago, sudnlysngl said:

GO TO CHURCH!

Beat me to it SS! 🤣 

 

Seriously though, good advice for your stated goals.

 

 

Edited by Portside
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  • Oklahoma here. Need a wife badly. 35 now, it's been 7 hard years.

 

I am now absolutely certain that a widower and single woman (not widowed) will never mix.

I am sorry .  I misunderstood your post? 

 

Good luck. Frustrated, understand that.  We are required to take the steps out to reach goals.  It is  not fair, but we all have had to learn it.  I learned it kicking and screaming.  I wanted God to bring the man to my front door.  Didn't happen. Still dealing with the reality of this world of dating when I never planned to have to again.  Take your time. Proof is on this site that life continues and can be wonderful, single or recoupled. 

Edited by tybec

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I'm sorry, but after reading alllll of his postings all he talks about is wanting to recouple with a subservient mate! 

Am I the only one seeing this?

If he is not leaving his house and only living on a computer, then join a dating site! There are so many different types out there now!!!

AND HE WOULD KNOW THAT BY NOW!

I posted in the other area (beyond first year) on here too! Find a church with subservient woman of his liking!

Otherwise , honestly, I think he might be a troll.....

Come on people, something isn't right here!!!!

Edited by sudnlysngl
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Also, look at some of the wording like the (duh's) and such at other posters who were kind enough to respond to him. Just saying.....

 

Time for some troll spray around widda.org ?

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We have addressed this as a moderators and admins.

 

Please avoid posting on his threads. Ignore them. Thank you.

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I'm not quite as young as you, leah, but I do live in vermont.

I'm 53, and lost my husband  September  of 2017. Let  me know if your interested in talking.  

Christine 

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