1st birthday since dad passed

[Missing AC]

Hi,

Today is my son's birthday; he turns 13.  We are only 2 1/2 months out and I have no energy to slap on a fake smile and throw him a b-day party with friends.  So, I planned for just a family get together to celebrate his birthday and although not exactly a happy one for us without dad, I am happy that we made him, to have him and that he is another year older.  Now here is the other issue, my mother in law has Leukemia and is in in-home hospice, so I went back and forth with the idea of having it at my in laws or at a pizza place (I thought being away from our house would better and different).  If we went to the pizza place my FIL and BIL wouldn't be able to go because they have to take care of MIL.  My FIL thought she was doing Ok, eating at the table and so he felt we could go to his pkace, so I finalized with that.  Now today, my son tells me he doesn't want to go to their house and celebrate his bday when grandma is sick.  I asked him if he wanted to go to the pizza place instead and he said no.  He seems not to want go out of the house and, understandably, he is sad his dad isn't here.  After some further back and forth with family, we thought it best for his cousins to come to our house instead, to liven him up and take his mind off of things. 

My question to you all is, am I pushing for the birthday celebration too much?  should we have done nothing?  everything I've heard/read is that we are to surround ourselves with loved ones on these special days to ease the pain.  How did you all handle that first birthday for your kids without mom or dad?.

[angelk75]

Hi, first of all, so sorry you have to be here. I'm now almost 5 months out and 3 of my kids have had birthdays since their fathers accident. One son turned 15 4 days after and didn't want to do anything. He basically just wanted to forget his birthday altogether. My other son turned 11 about two months after and he also didn't want to do anything special but did ask if he could get a gift. My daughter just turned 17 early this month and for her she just needed to be away from the house and wanted to spend that weekend with a friend. I just followed my children's lead on what each of them felt they needed to do to best deal with those special days.

[Julester3]

I followed my kids' lead as well. My 13 year old wanted a party with just her friends so I had a huge blow out party for her with her friends and a family lunch the next day. My elder daughter wanted just a family gathering because she had to perform at the playoff game with the school band in the evening. We brought mini cupcakes for the entire band. My kids know that their dad wouldn't want them to stop celebrating but by letting them decide what to do has been good for them.