The void

[Needytoo]

I have been feeling it for a few months, any suggestions? 

[Guest TooSoon]

I have, too.  I know we got married and all of that but there is a part of me that feels a loneliness and listlessness that is hard to shake.  Springtime is nearly here in eastern PA and while I've had my head crammed into one book after another for months - its the only way I can really escape the unproductive thoughts, I'm going to try to make more time to get outside, clean up the yard, prep my garden, walk.  I've been going to bed earlier and waking up earlier.  Trying to do more volunteer work.  But it remains hard work.  If I'm not mistaken, we're right at about the same four year slump.  Its just been a long haul.  Plain and simple.  I do understand. 

[tybec]

I don't have any great ideas.  I have lived the slumps. I still have days, but not months.  I am finally getting excited about my future, but it involves great change at a great price.  But it is a positive feeling.  I hope it sticks.....

[Needytoo]

The thing is I look at my life and it is going well but that feeling that feels like a mix of anxiety, loneliness.and sadness sneaks up on me. I hope it is just a remnants of the winter blues.

[SamNE]

It's been almost ten years for me, and that is exactly how I feel too. I feel like I need a life edit about now, but I don't know how to do it without everyone thinking I have flipped my lid.

 

I want to back out on serving as the president in an organization that drags me down, even though I was excited about it a year ago.  I want to babysit grandkids less, even though I love them. I want a sabbatical from the nice man I am dating, even though I only see him on weekends. I want to let my elderly neighbor I invite over for dinner fend for himself, even though I care about him. I want to stop visiting my mother so often. I just want to do it the way they tell you to spring clean a bureau drawer...take everything out, and put back just the things you really want in the nice orderly way you want it.

 

I am developing stress-related symptoms in my body and I know it's this feeling of being empty and missing something essential in my overly busy and committed life with these agreements I made that I now don't know how to undo.

 

I have fantasies about running away, at least for a while.

[LynnJoyce]

I'm six years out and I know these feelings.  I ended it with someone who I was only seeing on weekends and it gave me more time to develop different friendships and to figure out my life.  You are allowed to change your mind.  It's alright to take a step back from things.  It's very necessary, especially if your body is telling you that it cannot take this stress. 

 

People who are changing need extra room and extra time for themselves.  This is natural and normal. It's hard for me to figure out a life when the role of "wife" is over. It was so much a part of me for so many years, a good part, but still, over.  There are not many good role models.  For myself, I'm reading more.  Ending my longterm, post widow relationship was difficult but a needful thing.  Taking a break from things is important. Give yourself the support you need.  Best, Lynn

[ladybug]

This will be my 9TH summer has a widow.  I feel a deep void sometimes.  It is not something I feel daily or even weekly, but it is still there.

 

I am going to look around for a therapist that can help me deal with it.  I want to sit down and talk about being a widow, to someone that won't tell me to not talk about such things.

 

I think about him every day, even after all these years.

 

There is an old saying that rings so very true.....THE DAYS ARE LONG, BUT THE YEARS ARE SHORT.

 

 

 

 

[Nog1]

I really needed to read this.....

 

It’s been 4 years since my DH died very suddenly and unexpectedly. Spending time with random people and unnecessary obligations just did not fill the void for me (in fact it made it much worse). I have had to take a step back and I’m treating myself to the next couple of years of doing only what I absolutely need and want to do - launching the kids to adulthood and, by extension, working to earn enough for us to live on. Aside from that I am spending time reading, being in the outdoors, exercising, travelling when I can and just generally resting – so that I can heal, process and try to figure out how on earth I can move forward from this. It has really “lightened” my daily life and I finally feel like I’m getting some breathing space despite what everyone else thinks. It’s only recently I’ve realised just how traumatic DH’s death truly was and how easily that can get lost in the desire to just carry on regardless for the sake of the family and everyone else. 

 

Be kind to yourselves….