We are on this board because.......

[BrokenHeart2]

Hello my Wid Warriors, I thought I'd start this thread because things have been very quiet lately.  This board and the previous board YWBB were invaluable to me in my early years. Just a couple of my thoughts why:

I was 52 and nobody in my age group or younger "got me". I was so validated here! Wow, I found a place where others understood what I am going through.

I was so raw, I couldn't handle the phoney platitudes anymore.

I didn't feel so alone, some others actually understood.

Why do you come here?

Please share what you get or don't get from Widda.org. I want to hear it!  Painful or not, that's why "we're here,

 

[Julester3]

I came here looking to see if everything I was experiencing was common or just me. I needed to know I was not crazy or unreasonable and I found validation here. I needed to share my feelings and when I found things that worked for me and my girls, I felt compelled to share so that I can pay it forward and continue to help others as others had at first helped me. I hate thinking that others are alone and isolated and desolate. I would hug each and every one who needed one, whenever they needed one. Though I lost my husband, I know my large heart has still so much love to give and I choose to use what energy I have left in my exhausting day with my fellow wids, a club we never wanted to be a part of and we all are.

[klim]

this has been my therapy. My fellow wids have helped me with the worries that arose as I moved  along on this journey. Helped me with the questions that arose...will my children be ok? was a big one. ...and is what I'm feeling normal.

As I leveled out , this became a place to come to hear stories from others and to follow the progress of my friends ...yes I visited here to help keep me occupied on lonely evenings.......

4 yrrs out and I still come here regularily.

[Trying]

People in my real life either didn't understand or I didn't want to burden them/worry them with the full extent of my grief.  I needed people who understood and didn't judge me.  I needed to hear I was not crazy!  I could always find someone here who was having a similar experience and I gained hope and advice from those further along in their journey. This has always been my safe place to let my guard down and admit that I was struggling, hurting, feeling angry.  To me it has had the benefits of journaling, therapy, support group and friendship.  I found that reading and responding to other people's posts I could be be compassionate to them which was something I was having trouble being with myself.  I learned to change my negative self talk and to be more patient with myself.  As I approach 4 years out I still come here most days, I need support less often than I did early on but I want to give back as so many before me did for me.  On days when I feel like I am still such a mess it also helps for me to read posts from those of you earlier out so I can remember how far I have come. 

[2ManyQuestions]

Hello :-)

 

I found this site by accident and I had read a lot of stories that I could relate to.  Like most others I don't believe people truly understand grief unless one goes thru this life altering event. My opinion grief it is a form of PTSD. I have not posted much but reading others posts has helped me get thru those early days as I felt a connection that others are feeling the same. I check the site from time to time, read positive stories and unfortunately newbees who have found Widda.  I have also come across some nice people on here with interesting conversations.

We will all be forever changed that is without a doubt, every day we are able to deal with it a little better, for me I still have my days. One day I will have inner peace. I can make a choice of either get living or get dying I think I have done both.

I still have lots of questions, but I did find some answers on this site. Also knowing I what I was going thru I was not only one. I realize we all have our issues in life but this event is traumatic to ones self. I have been blessed, I loved and was loved, for me this love still carries on but in a different way.

 

Wishing everyone well.

 

[Mizpah]

My mother found YWBB within the first month, and started pushing it on me.  I'd never been part of any on-line forum (and haven't been part of any others since) and was extremely resistant.  I also felt anger, that what I was going through wasn't about LOSS GENERALLY, but about DH himself.  It felt insulting that what I was going through was generic, or about me, or about grief itself - it felt like yet another thing that was being taken from him.  But then I read.  And everything people were saying resonated, in a world in which I felt completely and suddenly out of place.  It was like living in a country where everyone spoke a different language, and suddenly I was transported to a land where I found out other people talked like me too. 

 

I was on YWBB CONSTANTLY.  It was much busier back then, as I recall it, especially in the newly widowed section.  I read and read and wrote and PM'ed with people.  There was some toxic drama on the board within a year (2011-12, for those of you who recall the two people who went nuclear), and I left, but by that point, I had found my tribe, and made supportive relationships that have lasted to this day and I hope to have my whole life, even with people I've still never met (and many I have).  Years later, I have sisterhoods (and brothers too) that have kept me aloft and inspired me and been that communication and support constant I needed in DH's absence.  I can only hope I've contributed to their well-being as well.

[Missing AC]

I recently passed 5 months.  Why am I here? 

I found this site in my first few weeks searching for "young widows" online and beeing here has been a lifesaver.  I came looking to know that I was not the only one in the world going through this tragic experience, that there were others out there, young, with children. I came looking for people who knew what I was going through, am still going through and will forever be going through it, because lets face it, we will carry some remnants of this grief all our lives.

 

No one in my real life has gone through something like this and as we all know to well they just don't understand, how can they without experiencing it.

 

I dont post much but I read everyday.  This is a form of therapy for me, a safe place, a place to share and ask questions when I am lost and don't know what to do and don't have anyone to go to.  I come here for a glimpse of hope that I will survive this, that I can keep going.

 

I draw strength from everyone here. I am so sorry we all have to be here but I am so grateful for all the wonderful, caring people on this site.

 

[Guest TooSoon]

I found YWBB in the middle of the night about 3 months after Scott died.  I was desperate at the time, mostly in a panic about parenting solo.  Never had I joined an online forum of any kind other than Facebook  and at first it felt very strange but it turned out to be the one thing that I swear kept me from going over the edge, especially when I really hit rock bottom.  Reading others' stories helped me feel less alone, less crazy.  Reading the stories of people "further out" gave me hope.

 

For any newcomers reading this, I cannot stress how important the relationships I have made in this forum were to me then and are to me now.  I, too, have made lifelong friends; it was with widows that I think I first really laughed.  Reaching out to people through PMs and bagos and especially through the newly widowed section helped so much.  In that first year a group of us from the midAtlantic/Northeast spent a weekend together in Philadelphia and one in NYC; those "reunions" were some of the only times I was able truly to relax.It was a widowed friend who came as my "date" to a fundraiser where I had to give a speech about my husband's illness and death.  It was people from this board that I knew I could call and say things that people in the rest of my life would have thought to be profoundly insane.  Here I got advice, good advice - like stop being so hard on yourself - and encouragement as I tried to sort out my daughters learning disabilities, for example.  And of course, I have the YWBB to thank for helping adp and me find our way to one another. 

 

[Wheelerswife]

I am on this board (and was on YWBB) for so many reasons.

 

I found YWBB when I was just a few weeks out and I went to my first bago just a few weeks later.  I cried..but people listened to me and told me their stories.  I also laughed...and it felt so good to be with people that had been through their own loss and could still laugh.

 

I have made some really awesome friends on YWBB and on this board and I am in contact with some of them every single day, even though none of my friends live near me.

 

I met my second husband on YWBB.  The day he died, I was at a bago, surrounded by other wid brothers and sisters.  I can't even find the words to explain what it meant to me to be surrounded that day, that evening, and the next day by widow/widower friends as well as some I had never met before who came to be at my side.  Some of those people had driven 3 hours to get to the bago, drove home and came back again the next day.

 

When I was diagnosed with cancer after my second husband died, people on YWBB collaborated to put together a book of supportive messages that was sent to me and is a cherished gift.  Several board widows and widowers traveled to my state and had a special weekend bago just for me before I had my first oncology appointment.  A board widow and cancer survivor went to my appointment with me.

 

I have met many people from this board and YWBB from all across the US, as well as some in Canada, Australia and Europe.

 

Although I am integrated into the "real world" of people who have not experienced the loss of a spouse, I still hold my widowed friends as most dear. 

 

I truly enjoy the connections I have with people who share their stories with me.  My widowed friends have been as vulnerable with me as I have been with them.  I have cherished widowed friends that I have still not met...but I hope to meet them some day.

 

I could go on...but I will stop now.  You get out of this board what you put into it.  If reading is enough for you, that is great.  But...if you want to truly develop friendships with people who understand, then reach out to someone, most likely someone in your own time frame or with a similar situation.  When someone's post resonates with you, let them know.  You don't have anything to lose.

 

Hugs,

 

Maureen

[Mcdc10]

I come here because this is the place that truly understands my feelings. When my husband died I was searching for a forum to join. This seemed like the best forum for me. I was so appreciative when the New York City group met just because I was looking for widows/widowers to meet with. They were so kind and encouraging. We met in the city around December. They were further out than me, but they understand my pain.  I realized I should post more because I have many thoughts in my head and they should be shared with people who have some common understanding. We grieve differently but one thing we have in common is the loss of a love one. I have posted and I thank those who have responded to my post. I will respond more and post more because we need each other.  I know I need you.

[BrokenHeart2]

Wow, thanks for all your great input! Yes, this board has been a source of comfort and peace for me to know I wasn't crazy

Hugs to all in this wid journey.

[donswife]

I found the old board about 4 months after my Don died.

I was desperate to find a bit of sanity in this new awful reality .

It was a place that made me feel sane and truly helped me with my pain and sadness

I t helped me more then I could ever put in words

I have also met and made true friends on this board

Again sorry you all have to be here but I am glad this forum is here

 

 

 

[Needytoo]

All my reasons to be on this site are the same as everyone else. 

 

Four years later I still need the support of people who have been there and understand. 

 

Thanks, everyone!!

[MissingSquish]

I found YWBB via an internet search for young widows around 3-4 days post widowhood. I finally had the courage to register and post at 9 days put; the day before I was to go back to work. I knew that I needed to be around like minded people going through the crazy situation I had been placed in.

 

YWBB helped me immensely to validate my feelings and experiences. It made me feel "normal" when nothing happening to be was normal. I have been able to build a better life due to my widow support group.

[Captains wife]

I found YWBB after I suddenly lost my husband (aged 38) and was left as a single mother of a nine month old - and we had moved to a town where I didn't know anyone only 3 months earlier. The whole shock of it and the feeling of isolation seemed unbearable at the time and I also had moments where I thought I was losing it, especially in those first years. I also had no outlet for my emotions as my widow-dom made friends and family very uncomfortable. I am eternally grateful for the support I received here - and the ability to share what I was going through. Although I am in a much better place now (5 years on), I still come here to hopefully lend some support plus I like to check in to see how everyone is doing, especially those who have walked this widow path with me.

[Adley]

I was soooo alone, and didn't find this place till two and a half years. It really helps to read everyone's experiences and individual takes on the many post-wid situations. I haven't had internet for a couple months and am glad to be back. Thank you all!

[Love2fish]

I am here because I still have a lot to learn about life and love.  Writing about these things helps me find answers, ... where I fit in the life and love story. 

 

I started this writing on other boards while I was caregiving to DW.  It surprised me to find out how important it is to write my deepest thoughts down. It is the best way I’ve found to bring those deeper thoughts into existence.  It is also important to know that what I write is going to be read by at least one person.  That makes it necessary that I write clearly so as to show respect for the person who is going to take the time to read what I have written.  In working to speak clearly to others I speak to myself more clearly. 

 

Thank you for reading.

 

Love2fish

[Nuggets]

I'm an old timer ~ it will be 15 years in July. 

 

I am no longer actively grieving ~ I have deconstructed my 'couple self' and rebuilt an awesome 'solo self' ... my spiritual home was a site called WidowNet, and for several years there were a couple of us that were active on both WidowNet (WN) and the YWBB site ~~ WN is still live, but the Facebook WN group is more active, YWBB shut down and members picked up the baton that became this site.

 

I was widowed at 44 years old, had an 11yr old son and a 20 yr old daughter and a cranky dawg ~~ and I wanted support at my leisure.  I functioned fine but every so often would totally derail - I wanted to connect with people that got that, but was surrounded by people that had no frikken idea.... WN and YWBB - now Widda - filled that need.

 

I come now to give back -- my journey would have been remarkably different without these sites.  I want newbies to know they are NOT alone, and this place is always open.  I have met many members of both sites in person, some have become good friends ('the family I chose' as one of my WN friends says) all have invested a bit of themselves in my healing - I can only hope that my reply and words will do similar for someone newly widowed. 

 

I hate that we're here ~

[Adley]

My journey would have been very different too over the last eight months. At two and a half years I was starting to think that there was something wrong with me because everyone treated me differently. Reading all these common experiences helped me realize I wasn't nuts, but people were treating me differently and I had had enough. Seeing that nearly all of us have had the in law/family drama post widowhood helped me see the situation much more clearly. I've never been one to waste time bickering, and suddenly being thrust in the middle of interrogation and bickering situations on top of all that raw grief nearly did me in back in the early days. This place is awesome!

[HCE]

Because no one else gets it.

 

There are many people who knew and loved my wife, but none of them knows what it is to lose a beloved spouse. I need to hear from people who understand that, and it helps to know there are people out there who know what I'm feeling first hand.

 

I believe if we don't engage with people who are suffering as we are, there's a whole side to our grief that's being suppressed and internalized. This board provides us with a healthy way to navigate our misery.

[BrokenHeart2]

Why are you here?  Bump

 

[tybec]

To share, vent, support, survive, thrive from  this situation we never could have envisioned.  Losing your mate young.  An abnormal event but more common than we knew.  And all aspects of loss, grief, family and friends.  So many facets of loss.  Thankful to find it.  🙏🏼  And sometimes smiles, new joy, hope is found and shared, too.  

[trying2breathe]

To learn how to navigate this journey called widowhood, in those early dark days to know that you're never alone.  To have a safe place to share, ask and know that there are others that know this journey too.  And as the years go by to continue to have that safe place to come back to, whatever we're feeling.  I'm forever grateful for this site, it's been a lifesaver for me.  

[RemysWife]

I found the YWBB before my husband died. I thought that if I found a support group it would fix everything - HA! I probably signed up within the first two weeks. I spent so much time reading posts. I met a couple of really nice people - some that I'm friends with still after all of these years. 

 

I'm in a couple of FB groups, but the reason I still post here is because there is something really freeing about being able to post your deepest thoughts... anonymously. 

[Nuggets]

My post from 4 June 2017 is still valid.

 

John's birthday is 1 Jan and always sets a dose of Melancholies loose... he would have been 75 this year, I can't imagine him being 75 ~ he gets to be 58 forever.

 

The WidowNet community had a sobering occurrence with the death of one of "us" in December ~ but it did stir up the membership to get back to the boards and offer up what made both communities work.  

 

To the newbies:  You are NOT alone, if you reach out someone will reach back.

 

To all of us:  I still hate that we're here.