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Mrskro

14. Almost 15 year old boy. And the sex talk

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I would love to approach this with the puricanical view that no one has sex out of marriage,  but let's be realistic.  And really that's not ever going to happen

 

 

All you solo parents,  what did you say?  Who did you enlist?

 

As a solo mom, I've tried to  instill the "safe sex" talk.  I'm sure the girl got it.  The boy I'm not sure. 

 

How does a mom tell her boy about condoms?  Etc?    He's mostly embarrassed when I try then really listening. 

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Realistically I expect they know the reality, they know the facts. I've approached it as I'm not going to inf orm you over and over again about the stats but I'm going to remind you over and over to be safe. And I made it easy by buying condoms that were kept in a bathroom. Now my boys were not very social so this did not really surface till they were a bit older.

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My son is 14 1/2...they know...they've had the talks in health class (at least in my state they do)

 

I'm pretty blunt with my boys...actually it eases the embarrassment. We talk all birth control...condones even if the girl says she's on the pill..Diseases...not to knock anyone up or they are on their own (no college)

 

Basically...I've put the fear of God into my 14 year old...but he knows I would get birth control for him if and when he or the girl needs it. I don't like to think about my kids having teenage sex (and he hasn't he got his first kiss just this year)..But we've always had open communication about everything.

 

Good luck...this is where I wear my dude hat and talk to my boys like a man half the time.

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I told my kiddo what I learned through Genetics, Epigenetics, Hermetics, Biological Electromanetics, Neurology, Neurosciences, Rei Ki, Psychotherapy, Psychiatry and a few other related fields:

 

Men store and retain the essence of every woman they have sex with. Basically, they physically and electromagnetically marry the woman. They cannot avoid this as it is part of the process, any more than you can avoid turning a car on and using the gas pedal in order to drive it cross country.

 

Women take in more than a man does, storing his biological electromagnetic signature permanently. She also stores his DNA in her womb and brain permanently. She physically and energetically marries him.

 

These are permanent and do not go away but they do have a register that ticks over when a death is confirmed, like a light switch being turned off. The light is still there, it's just off (figurative). Most of the studies conflict with the agenda to corrupt our youth so the funding tends to get cut when results like that are found and only curious minds that patrol ResearchGate and similar sites ever get to see them before they are destroyed by the investor(s).

 

So basically tell your kiddo straight up: Your body will marry her whether you like it or not. Pick a good one that you want to die of old age laying next to in a bed somewhere nice when you're so old and wrinkly that you forgot what you looked like when you were a teenager.

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My viewpoint is that the whole point of sex is procreation. It is the object of the game for the male to impregnate the female. The fact that it is pleasurable for both parties is simply secondary. The pair bonding happens so that the two of them will stay together and take care of the resulting offspring, hopefully. That is how I am going to explain it to my children. If no one had sex outside of a committed, long-term relationship. I am luck in that the men in my church have taken my boys under their respective wings and are helping me guide them through adolescence.

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I think it is really important for your kids to feel like they can be open about relationships and all the issues that come with it, even if they are unlikely to do so.  I feel it's important to know their friends too, especially the ones your kids may open up to.  I agree with the above opinions that safety has to be at the top of the discussion, which includes preventing pregnancy and diseases.  Also, safety in terms of knowing what consent is, and not putting yourself in dangerous situations (i.e.: avoiding getting roofed at a party, being alone with someone you don't know, being intoxicated, etc).  Providing condoms is a great idea, as your kids are unlikely to ask for them.  Reality is lots of kids start getting sexually active by 14-16 years old (but not all do).  

Talking a bit about the psychological effects of romance and break-ups is important too, as it affects people of all ages.  What it feels like to be rejected, how you may not think logically when in a relationship, remembering to be kind to people etc.  My 14 year old daughter told me last year she was gay, so I don't need to worry so much about the teenage pregnancy issue, but we have still discussed all the above stuff i mentioned.  She is very mature and luckily isn't shy to talk about these kinds of issues with me.

I also think it's important for us as parents to set a good example of relationships for our kids.  It doesn't take long for them to notice how we treat our partners and what we value in a relationship.  If we are taking home a different person every weekend, we can't expect them to listen to us when we talk to them about safety and sex.  

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I treat sexually abused children.  Since 1997 have been in training for years,  and I know more than average.  And I have provided trainings to corporations on sexual harassment laws. 

 

And  I  have a 15 yr old blue eyed blonde Caucasian son.  After the metoo# movement and the issues with Judge Cavanah’s appointment and all, I had to discuss all this clearly,  too.  It is a different era for young boys/young men.  It is the fact.  Consent is and always has been needed, necessary but he needs to always protect himself and the other person from anything that could be misconstrued.  So that is a new necessary conversation.  I don’t know if casual sex is okay at all for this population, which is fine by me.  Be in a relationship and hopefully that will never be a factor. 

 

The biological points are easily discussed.  It’s the relationship part to cover.  Good luck. 

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I would like to think that if I had a son I would be as open and blunt as I am with my daughters. Talking about sex doesn't make me uncomfortable. I've discussed the basics with my daughters and let them ask me questions individually as they arise. I've had some interesting questions. They definitely get an education at school. I encourage them to discuss things with me so they're not getting false information from their friends too. 

 

I don't think it's unrealistic to preach abstinence until marriage to your children as long as they know that they can come to you if they choose to have premarital sex. This is my approach. 

 

 

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Just saw this thread and it’s an older one...

 

My now 16 year old son lost his virginity this week. Yeah he told me..yes I’m mortified yet glad he at least is able to tell me this kind of stuff. He’s had condoms under his bed in a tackle box for months now. He had safe sex..he’s been dating this young lady for a whopping 5 months. They are a couple...and she’s a “good girl” (except she slept with my son...OMG).

 

This whole thing just grossed me out now thinking about it..I don’t want her over at my house..yet it’s good if they are here with us. I no longer like her...yet I have to act nice or it will make it more appealing to him that he’s rebelling. Maybe I’ll try reverse psychology..push him to be with his friends more. 

 

Ugh! Solo moms with teens ain’t for the faint of heart. 

 

And i don’t like her. Period.

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Sugarbell,

 

OH, I feel for you! What a situation!  Not abnormal, but still!  

 

Our world is different, and I struggle with it. Young adults move in at a drop of a hat now a days. I have a niece that met on line  a young man, moved in within a couple months, and it fell apart within 6 months. 22 yrs. old.  And the pain of the loss is great, so I don't believe all that stuff that is not a big deal. We are meant to have relationships, not use each other for temporary feel good.  MY two cents, but I just see it everywhere.

 

Anyway. I really get your mixed feelings. My teen is 15 and no GF or interest in dating. There is so much pressure to date. It starts in Middle school with dances.  I see all these girls wearing dresses made for 17 yrs. old but they are 12 or 13 and the boys decked out.  And I ask myself "what are you parents thinking?"  

 

But I know my son could meet a girl any minute and all that change and I am dealing with what you are. I am not naive.  

 

I am sorry.  The door is open and can't be shut.  Oh, parenting.......

 

 

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Oh Sugarbell, my heart sunk with yours. It sounds like you've handled this quite well, from prepping him with contraceptives over a year ago to keeping the lines of communication open. Major kudos to you! Still, I get what you are saying about being mortified. I can't tell from your message...did you always not like the girl, or is that a new dislike because of their recent intimacy? If it's the latter, try to keep your feelings in check and be welcoming to his relationship; it could payoff in everyone's favor. 

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SB, might it also be useful to discuss with your son what happens if his GF becomes pregnant right now in their young lives? I certainly don't know what your hopes for him are (and what his hopes for himself are!) but wouldn't such an event surely throw a monkey wrench into his hopes and dreams. He is a young man and most of us (me included) were/are woefully blind about consequences. Is he aware the impacts are forever?

 

For each of my four sons I laid out the impacts of an unplanned pregnancy. You don't have to work too hard to scare the hell out of them.

 

Good luck!

 

Mike

Edited by Portside
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Oh he knows the consequences...I’ve talked about it for 2 years..He’s pretty scared of that happening. I’m actually pretty harsh about the reality of teen pregnancy and he won’t havr me bailing him out-he’s on his own. 

 

I liked is girlfriend until I accidentally saw a Snapchat (He was showing me a car and it opened ) from her. The sex has been on her mind for months! Text

”Hey..I’ll be at your house at 11am..I have ball at 2..Are we going to F$ck or what? Can we do it tomorrow if your mom isn’t home?”

 

Shes a straight A student, ball player..she’s only 15..and I wish to God I had not seen that Snapchat because I’ve have a tough time even looking at her since. She knows I saw it as does my son. 

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SB   This is familiar - my kids are 20 and 22 and DD (20 y/o)  - sadly - is sexually active.  Although I don't like it, she is making her decision and I've tried to prepare her the best way I know how - with information, doctor visits, and a prescription for the pill.  We talk about STDs, having kids and I mention how hard that is, and should she become pregnant how that would play out.  Seems that youngsters these days are more into hook-ups than relationships - a hard reality.   Please don't push the GF away - it will only make it you vs. them. As hard as it is, embrace the reality and prep them the best way you can.  Would a call to her parents be appropriate?

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SB...I'm glad your son and the girlfriend know you saw her fuck me text. That right there is a pretty good mood killer. How about setting up nanny cams? Or just telling your son that you are. (That's not a playback you'd ever want to see...)

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