Opinion / Widowed Females/Males

[Guaruj]

Tuning in one month late here...

 

Just last night, my mother-in-law and her partner (1x and 2x widowed, respectively) urged me to "get out there" now that I've been widowed for three years.

 

I'm used to loneliness; perhaps even too comfortable with it. I'm 57 now and I didn't marry until I was 45. I don't have any children. At this point, I'd prefer to be alone than to commit to an less-than-happy relationship. That may sound like an obvious sentiment, but I see plenty of unhappy marriages out there.

 

I would be very happy to find someone to love again. Once in a while, I have the experience of feeling like a boyfriend again - just doing something friendly for a woman I like. That feeling suggests to me that it's worth risking the relatively small disappointments we all get when dating. It has not yet motivated me to try online dating, though.

 

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[Love2fish]

.... I'd prefer to be alone than to commit to an less-than-happy relationship. That may sound like an obvious sentiment, but I see plenty of unhappy marriages out there......

 

That may sound obvious but it's an easy thing to ignore when the loneliness is too intense. 

 

One part "anything is better than what I feel now" arrogantly stirred with "I know how love works" baked in self deception is a recipe for disaster.  Don't ask me how I know this.

 

 

[Guaruj]

That may sound obvious but it's an easy thing to ignore when the loneliness is too intense. 

 

One part "anything is better than what I feel now" arrogantly stirred with "I know how love works" baked in self deception is a recipe for disaster.  Don't ask me how I know this.

 

That's a rather astute summary, and I won't need to ask how you know this. I have deceived myself that way at least once.

 

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[PaulZ]

I can relate to the notion that men only have intimate relationships with their spouse , not with their friends and relatives.  I started dating a little about 10 months out.  I'm now about 2 years out and have only briefly dated a couple women.  I really miss having that person that always has your back, who knows what you are thinking and what you need.  I miss her making me laugh and me making her laugh.  The physical part of a relationship is great, but not anywhere near the top of my list of what I missed in my life.  I felt a need for that connection when I first started dating. Thankfully, having a teenage daughter and travel distance for dating made me take things slowly, as I no longer feel the need to fill an emptiness in my life.  I've just recently reached a point where I can find happiness in day-to-day life again.  If I someday am lucky enough to meet another person that makes me happy, that is great, but I don't feel a compulsion anymore to look for them.

[StillWidowed]

I don't have a compulsion to look for them anymore either Paul.  I did the online dating thing, and maybe I will again.  But for now, I'm just not interested in doing the work that it takes to date.  I hope instead, to meet someone organically and get to know them as a person and see where it goes.

[tybec]

Statistics show that men are happier in marriages than women.  That has been in research since the 80s.  Many facets to that. Harder to get research data on cohabitation situations.

 

So, just as  anecdotes: 

I was not ready to date for 4 1/2 yrs.  I married my high school sweetheart.  My grandmother and aunt were both widowed early and never remarried, nor dated. Three of my widowed friends are unmarried. One is coupled up but not marrying for a while. One never dated. One is 4 yrs. out and starting to consider it. 

 

My financial adviser, a male, married within 9 months of his wife's untimely death.  They had 3 kids and just adopted a child from out of the country.  I was told by a woman he had to have a wife to take care of all those kids   😳.  My best friend's dad remarried 6 months after her mom died. Her parents had a romance to admire, marrying at 18, and together for over 30 yrs.  At the 2nd wedding, so many folks were crying, and I wondered if it was for joy or sadness as we all loved his marriage to his first wife and their life .  He has been married now 30 yrs., I think, in his 80s.

My brother widowed and waited the obligatory one year and got on line.  He remarried a gal after knowing her 4 months.  They are not married anymore. I don't know any other unmarried widowers.  Maybe they have their pick of females, as stated earlier, and therefore, take the plunge again. 

 

Always exceptions to the rule. always.  

 

 

Edited July 16, 2018 by tybec