Cool trips people have taken after becoming widowed

[DonnaP]

I was in no shape to travel long distances after Mick died, but I did plan a very cool weekend getaway, with my two sons, two of my nieces and a nephew. We "escaped" over Father's Day weekend (since I knew that holiday would be particularly hard for the boys and me) and went to Orlando - Universal Studios. We had so much fun, and even though there were still some tears (mostly on my part), we got away from the grief for a short time. Afterward, I sent a message to the group (which I affectionately called "the Fab Six") thanking them for coming with.

 

We always hoped for a reprise, but people get busy, new relationships develop and it gets harder to go places, without including the girlfriends/boyfriends, etc. Still, it made for some wonderful memories

 

I'm curious as to where others went after being widowed... please share your stories...

[Justin]

At 3 months out, my daughter and I took a road trip through part of the American South. From our home in KY, we ventured to the birthplace of Elvis Presley and William Faulker's home (both in Mississippi). Traveled on down to New Orleans for a few days, then over to our favorite family vacation spot on the Alabama Gulf Coast. (The water so warm, we could still swim in October.) We made a stop at the legendary Muscle Shoals Sound studio in Muscle Shoals, AL, before making our way home.

 

It was very cathartic for both of us, but the visit to our vacation spot was very bittersweet. I thought of her the whole time while there.

[cmf]

Two weeks after V died I went to my mom's house for a week, and from there left for Europe for a month. I know that was a luxury to have had the time and money to do so, but it was absolutely necessary for me to get out of our house and away from here. V died suddenly and unexpectedly on our kitchen floor resulting from complications from his cancer treatment. It was a long time before I could even go in the kitchen without having a panic attack so leaving was the best thing for me at the time.

 

I had this lunatic idea that I would walk the Thames path from the source to the Thames Barrier east of London. I think it is 90 miles or so, and I was going to do it by myself over the course of 10 days to start out my trip. I did not have the physical or emotional strength to do this after being his caregiver. A very wise friend emailed me after my first day of walking to say that it was OK if I didn't walk the entire way. His words released me from what would have been a disastrous experience. So instead of walking I took buses and trains, and eventually a boat to follow the river. After the "walk" I spent time in London with my best friend from childhood, some time in France, and then eventually came home.

 

The house was still empty and V was still dead, but there were seven weeks between his death and my return home.  It caused a lot of friction with his family that I "ran off" on "vacation," but it was the only thing I knew to do. I know that sounds very odd, but with my life experience and the life V and I shared it truly was the only thing to do.

 

 

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VDS 11/8/59-8/22/10

[Mizpah]

At the two-year mark, I traveled to Israel in a pilgrimage of sorts to the land where he was born and where he'd spent his first 5-6 years of life.  It was obsessively important to me to be where he was born.  When I went to the Western Wall, instead of leaving a note for Gd, I left a note to him.  I hung out with some widows I'd met on YWBB and in real life.  It felt perfect to be in the desert (found myself thinking how amazing it would be to be buried in that vast emptiness with no marker, back to the earth and the hugeness).  I went there seeking him, and was surprised to find nothing of him anywhere and to feel no greater connection to him there, but I found the spark of life and love and happiness inside me again there, and came back alive again (maybe it was just all the vitamin D?).  (I stopped in Paris for a few days on my way back.  I did the trip alone (got so proud of myself for "going to the Middle East on my own"), but visited with many friends, so spent hardly any time alone actually.)

[rifatheroffour]

My wife and I traveled to St. John a number of times over our almost 19 year marriage as a quiet getaway just for us, the last was in February 2012.  While there we discussed the idea that it was time to bring the kids next time to share our love of the island with them. 

 

She died in January 2013 never being able to take them there.  On a very last minute whim in February I looked online and saw that the place we wanted to stay at had an open 4 days in early March, unheard of as the place has a minimum 7 day stay, so I took the kids and we had a really good time, yes as MM said very bittersweet for me as well.  It was the first place we left some of her ashes, looking over the ocean from a cliff side bench we visited on every trip. 

 

My son sings in a chorus that had not toured since 1995, they decided to go on tour in July of 2014.  Prague, Vienna and Budapest singing Dvorak's Stabat Mater in the hall it was debued.  Followed by a week in Switzerland where my father is from and we have visited many times.  All told we were gone for the month of July.  It was a great trip, trying at times.  Traveling with me & the 4 kids, my parents, my in-laws and my SIL, BIL and thier 2 kids.  13 of us all together, we have a "special" relationship with the number 13, it shows up every where, my wife died on 1-13-13.  Our trip ended with us leaving more of her ashes in Lake Lucerne off the dock across the street from the Hotel we have stayed at many times...again with the damn bittersweetness.

 

Of course the toughest part of all of this is that these trips would not have been possible without the life insurance...

 

Our next biggie yet to be planned...a homecoming to India to leave the last of her ashes.  We never made it there together.

 

 

[hachi]

Last year I began the first of what I hope to be many trips which will include leaving some of his remains. I called my BIL on impulse (the last of his generation) and we drove to Canada for the weekend to visit their childhood home, some friends, and places that were special, including his parents grave.

 

In a few weeks, I will go to Slovenia and Croatia, among other places, but these two places he always wanted me to see. He just loved the Adriatic coast and the people of Slovenia.

 

Next year, I hope to get to Aberdeen, Scotland, the birthplace of his mother and my BIL. My children both plan on going to Alaska for the same reasons.

 

I sure hope he doesn't mind being all spread out like that!

[MamaZ]

I've tried to take the kids somewhere for vacation every Spring break and summer break... Since 2006, some successes: Disney World with friends (going with teens was SUPER fun! I highly recommend it!), the Outer Banks of NC, sailboat trip off west coast of FL (with my parents), Washington DC, Downtown Chicago, FL panhandle, and MANY close-by camping trips.

[Wheelerswife]

Ah...travel.  My drug of choice.  I traveled mostly locally after my first husband died and then a ton, both in the US and abroad in the few years John and I had together.  After John died, my first trip was to the east coast to hang with a wid friend and her daughter and go to a Peeps store. (I was only a few weeks post major surgery and wasn't running too quickly!)  Then I had the first of several trips to good old Houston, Texas.  I get to go there every three months!  What a treat!  Last summer, I embarked on a 25 state road trip and saw lots of wids as well as family and some old friends from past lives as well.  Over the winter break, I drove east again, got training with my dog, and had the pleasure of visiting wid friends again (as well as dredging through Christmas with my parents.)  This summer, I will hit the road again.  I plan to pick up my 14-year old niece in New York State and then travel west, hitting as many western states and national parks as we can.  I don't know many folks in that direction, though.

 

Maureen

[ataloss]

A few months into widowhood I took the five kids on a three week trek across the eastern part of the USA. Our first stop was in St. Louis, then to Wisconsin Dells, Chicago, Erie PA, Niagara Falls, Statue of Liberty in NY, down the east coast through DC, Daytona Beach FL, Disney World in Orlando, Nashville, and back home to MO. It was a great trip but we all swore to fly to our next vacation, LOL. It was a much needed trip and we have many good memories of it.

[Trying]

DonnaP my first trip was to Universal in Orlando with sons2 and 3  just 6 months after DH died.  We are returning next week for Easter break and bringing son # 1 this time.  It's an easy place to make boys of very different ages(10-18) happy and low stress for me.  I would love to return to Turks and Caicos where we had 2 amazing family vacations with DH

[ManutesGirl]

About 6 weeks after DH died my brother and I took trip.  Started in Phoenix and met up with some high schools friends who took us hiking at some places in and around Phoenix, then to Sedona & Flagstaff.  Stopped at Antelope Canyon on the way up to Utah.  Then Bryce Canyon & Zion National Parks.  Lots of good hiking and beautiful sites.  We were gone just shy of 2 weeks.  Was so peaceful.

[trying2breathe]

Two months after my husband died, I took my two teen kids to Naples, Italy for their school's fall break.  It was a relatively short trip for us, as we were living in Europe at the time.   

 

We toured Naples, took a day for a guided tour of Pompeii, and then climbed Mt. Vesuvius.  The day we left all taxis were on strike, it took my best Spanish and lots of desperate hand gesturing to find a bus to take us to the airport.  :

 

When I think back on this trip so soon after his death, it's as if he was with us. 

[imissdow]

My DH and I had talked about going to Mexico and building a house that would then be given away to a needy family. He was a master carpenter and being able to give someone a home just sounded so cool to both of us. We never got to do that so in October of 2014 my oldest DD and I met up with a group of 10 other people from all over the USA and crossed the border to build a small house in 3 days. We had a great time.  I'm now planning another trip in October and will take my middle DD and hopefully a bunch of friends. I plan on going back every year to build a house. My DH would have been so pleased to see me still doing what we did together.

[mokie]

Two weeks after he died was our anniversary... I took our 2 boys and we just hit the road, choosing right, left, or straight at each intersection.  We ended up at Lake of the Ozarks, and spent the day riding go-carts and playing in arcades and eating BBQ and just having a great time.

 

I took many great trips for Bagos that first two years too.

 

Just after the 1 year mark, my son, his girlfriend (now his wife) and I took an awesome trip to the Keys.  We wanted to reward ourselves for making it through the first year... My son's girlfriend had been a part of our family for years by then, and when DH died, she came straight to the house (4 hours) and ended up dropping her summer school classes to stay and help take care of us... She had to be a part of this trip!  We did all kinds of crazy expensive things... Scuba diving and snorkling, swimming with dolphins, parasailing.... and just hanging out on the beach and soaking up the sun.  It was the best trip!  I was ready to tackle year 2 after that.

 

I also took a solo trip during Spring Break at about 8 months.  Hit the road, looked up 3 of the houses I lived in while growing up in the South, drove down Bourbon Street in NOLA with the top down on the car, then drove along the coast and picked out a hotel on the beach to stay at for a few days before heading home... Another great trip.  I learned to be good with myself on that trip.

[Guest TooSoon]

I woke up one morning and bought tickets to take my daughter to Hawaii.  Never in my life had I thought of going to Hawaii but I had dear friends living there who I so wanted to see so I just up and did it.  It was good.  A week on beaches where my daughter could run free and play with my friend's son.  It was a punctuation mark in my grief.  The summer before that we went to Paris for my job.  I was still in a fog but I know my child had a good time.  Last summer she and the babysitter and my money ran ram shod all over Rome for two weeks so I could work but my best time with M was 48 hours in Philadelphia, 40 minutes from our house.  We just camped out in the city and did whatever we wanted to do.  It was gloriously fun.  Getting away - whether with widows or my child or whomever - has been a huge piece in the moving on process.  It helped me realize we are not trapped and we are not stuck like hamsters in a wheel. 

[AndysWife]

At two years, 2 of my kids and I flew to the USA. We began in New York and went to  Arizona, Hawaii, Las Vegas & finished with California. I sprinkled some DH's ashes at the Grand Canyon as he was supposed to be on this holiday with me and he wanted to go to the Canyon and I sprinkled some more of them in Las Vegas as he was particularly keen to go there also.

 

He and I had been planning this trip for nearly a year before he died and I felt extremely anxious about going without him but I was determined to follow through with something that I had been wanting to do for a very long time. I met up with some fellow SOS members in New York one day for lunch and it was just wonderful and we have remained great friends.

 

My kids and I spent a month having a blast (MUCH NEEDED by then) doing the usual tourist things like Disneyland etc but it did feel weird being in another country on the other side of the world without DH. I also had another son who remained back in OZ while doing his final year at school so it was weird parenting via Facebook too. My daughter loved it so much that she went back six months later with her boyfriend lol.

 

 

 

 

[lcoxwell]

One thing my Kenneth and I were rarely able to do was travel anywhere together.  His health wouldn't allow it, and there was never any money, since all our money went towards his medical needs.  I often wished we could have taken the kids on vacations, and I often wished we could have traveled, because he would have enjoyed it so much.

 

Since his death, I have traveled to Arizona to spend a week with my daughter and her then fianc?.  Then in December, I traveled across the country to NC for their wedding, and had the joy of seeing friends and family I hadn't seen in over 13-1/2 years.  It was such a bittersweet trip, because I kept thinking how he should have been there to walk her down the aisle, to see where I grew up, and to meet the people, who were so important to me, before I met him.  I had to hold back tears, during the big, family dinner, because he never had the chance to sit down with my entire family, though he had often talked to them on the phone.

 

I have also been on two romantic weekend getaways with my New Guy.  He has taken me to Catalina Island and to stay in a cabin at Lake Arrowhead.  He's now planning a three day trip to Santa Barbara, sometime in June.  I am thankful that I have these opportunities to travel with my New Guy, but I can't help but wish, sometimes, that I could have done things like this with my Kenneth, too.

 

 

[HvnBound]

My trips weren't as cool as going to another country but I drove to multiple states meeting other wids at minibagos and bagos. The two trips that meant the most to me was driving to OK to hang out with shewill and driving to FL to see my Dad for Christmas in 2012. I felt so much pride in myself since DH & I went to both those states together and I did it alone.

[Gabzmom]

Two weeks after V died I went to my mom's house for a week, and from there left for Europe for a month. I know that was a luxury to have had the time and money to do so, but it was absolutely necessary for me to get out of our house and away from here. V died suddenly and unexpectedly on our kitchen floor resulting from complications from his cancer treatment. It was a long time before I could even go in the kitchen without having a panic attack so leaving was the best thing for me at the time.

 

I had this lunatic idea that I would walk the Thames path from the source to the Thames Barrier east of London. I think it is 90 miles or so, and I was going to do it by myself over the course of 10 days to start out my trip. I did not have the physical or emotional strength to do this after being his caregiver. A very wise friend emailed me after my first day of walking to say that it was OK if I didn't walk the entire way. His words released me from what would have been a disastrous experience. So instead of walking I took buses and trains, and eventually a boat to follow the river. After the "walk" I spent time in London with my best friend from childhood, some time in France, and then eventually came home.

 

The house was still empty and V was still dead, but there were seven weeks between his death and my return home.  It caused a lot of friction with his family that I "ran off" on "vacation," but it was the only thing I knew to do. I know that sounds very odd, but with my life experience and the life V and I shared it truly was the only thing to do.

 

 

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VDS 11/8/59-8/22/10

 

I don't find it odd at all.  Some people escape to family, others throw themselves in their work, and others have to leave.  It's so understandable to need the time, the space to put some of your pieces back together and to get a small bit of clarity.  Hugs to you. 

[Gabzmom]

I went back to work two weeks after DH passed. I had to escape the house and the only way I knew how was to work.  He died right before the 4th of July, which is my favorite holiday. 

 

Later in the year, my daughter and I flew to Tampa to see my in-laws.  It was a great trip and somewhat healing for  me to see the places that were part of him when he was a teen.  My daughter was very quiet and I don't know how she responded. 

 

In 2013, we took short trips.  we did take a trip again in Spring of 2014 to Florida and stayed in St. Pete.  She had a blast with her friend.  I then took a trip to NY last fall.  This Spring, she and I are going to NYC again. 

[Guest Lost35]

I was pregnant and showing, but can't remember exactly how far along.  I was invited to the native community Peter flew out of for a feast.  It was an eye opening and memorable night of washings and cleansings and I recall thinking that we really need these sorts of rituals in our society...

 

Then came the adoption ceremony, where families "adopt" people close to their hearts and those young and old gain community connections.  The people at my table, who knew and loved Peter stood up and began to explain how much he meant to them.  They gave me gifts and adopted both myself and my unborn child.  At one point, the elders stood up and said they would stand in for Peter when needed, in terms of leadership and role models.

 

I think it was the single most healing moment in my first year.

 

I am forever grateful for the love and kindness shown to us that day.  They will never really know how much I needed it at the time.

 

-L.

[Needytoo]

My kids and I and another widow and her kids spent last Christmas in Punta Cana.  I totally loved boycotting Christmas.  I got exactly what I hoped for and more going away during the holidays.  Now trying to plan my next adventure. 

[JeanGenie]

Not really a "cool trip"...but a year after my DH passed, my adult son and I went to Washington DC for a long weekend (kind of a combination mother's day/his birthday treat to each other).  He had never been and we had a lot of fun...definitely good travel companions.  Hoping we can do another long weekend to someplace new this year as well.

[Sugarbell]

We have taken some neat trips (in the US) but honestly...the coolest weekend get away I ever went on was this place called Mountain Quest Institute in Pocohontas County WV. (Only reason I didn't suggest it for bago is it's hard to get to and some people may hate it)

 

If you are into spiritual, new age, exploring all religions, meditAtion...you need to check this place out. M

 

It's the brainstorm of 2 former neurosurgeons who retired where tired of city life in DC. Bought a 450 acre working farm....and built a vacation retreat/learning institute in the mountains. It's close to National Radio Observatory too so cell phones don't work (they study the effects on radio waves on the brain)

 

If you are into that kinda stuff-this place is life changing

[gracelet]

Elle and I travelled extensively together - always a combination of adventure with some luxury. I think we only ever did one package holiday.

 

As I don't have children, I've been able to up and go whenever I fancied. I don't know how you all do it with kids in tow. Much respect. I can only look after myself!! If anybody wants travel tips on some of the places I've been to, please do get in touch. Happy to share.

 

I used travel as my escape for many significant dates. I can't afford it all, but fuck it. In 2014 I went to Courmayeur, St Lucia, Toronto, Paris, Egypt, Malaysia and Thailand.

 

Courmayeur (Italy) was a ski trip with work. V Emotional as it was my first time on holiday without Elle and my colleagues were still tiptoeing around me at that point. Whizzing down the mountain and fresh air were great though.

 

St Lucia was the recharge I really needed and a reminder that I need to look after my body as well as my heart. It also reignited my passion for singing and feeling real joy. I met great people who didn't know anything about my background. I could be me.

 

Toronto was for Camp Widow - an interesting experience. I won't go back but I'm glad I went. Schadenfreude... Toronto itself is a wonderful city.

 

Paris and Egypt were with ex girlfriend. Paris was very significant though because it was while sitting alone in Notre Dame Cathedral with tears streaming down my face that I forgave myself for how I'd hurt Elle and I forgave her for killing herself. I remember feeling a weight lifting off my shoulders and then bawling as I lit a candle for her and my brother. Egypt was just a dull "sit in the sun and do nothing" holiday with lots of evening sex.

 

Thailand and Malaysia were the real game changers because I organised the whole thing myself and travelled by myself with nobody to meet. Well, with the exception of the serendipitous night spent with Boy Widower. With hindsight, my drunken behaviour was appalling (including sex with the Swede) but I had a bloody brilliant time, tried out new things (riding an elephant) and ate amazing food. Widow diet = bikini body.

 

This year, I'll be off to Budapest in Hungary with my old housemate, Amsterdam with a fantastic set of Wids from this very board, and Las Vegas with my gay hairdresser bestie. Fun times!