3 months after suicide...

[CJ92]

Hi everyone... I registered about a month ago, but then couldn't get myself to actually put into writing any of this.

 

3 months ago now, my wife killed herself. It still doesn't seem possible that I can write that sentence and that it is true.

 

 

[MR]

Hi CJ92,

Sorry to hear about your wife and my condolences. We all are here to help each other so please keep writing and reading. Take one day at a time or even one hour at a time. Eat enough and drink lots of water. Take care of your kids, I know it is very difficult but they only have you.

 

Hugs

Manoj

[Wheelerswife]

I am so sorry for the loss of your beloved wife and the mother of your children. I imagine this is all so overwhelming. Please don't apologize for writing what is on your mind and in your heart. This is exactly what this place is for. I have even named some of my posts as "rambling..."

 

You have been through so much in your short life. It has also been full of love. I'm sorry it is now full of sorrow and anger. These are all fully normal emotions after the loss of a spouse. I hope you can find consolation in knowing that you loved your wife with all of your being, even in the midst of her mental health challenges.

 

Right now, hug your kids. You are already taking great care of them. Remember to breathe. Eat when you can. Sleep when you can. Drink water. Take help that you find valuable. Read here and post to your heart's content.

 

Hugs,

 

Maureen

[Julester3]

You did fine getting it all out. It sounded like it was all bottling up and collecting inside you so you have to get it out. Mental health is hard to grasp. I am sorry that your wife lost her battle with it. Know that we are here to listen and support. I have a teenager with a history of seizures so even if you want to talk kids issues, I can listen to that too. Anything you need to unload this is the place.

 

Hugs for you.

[CJ92]

@wheelerswife thank you for the welcome and I appreciate the support. I think with so much happening with the kids I have been putting a lot of my own needs second and know I need to make sure that I take care of myself to best take care of them. It's all very overwhelming, but you are right that I've been lucky to have so much love in my life and I'll hold on to that.

 

@julester3 yeah I definitely have bottled up a lot. For me, I guess I feel a lot of judgment because of how she died. It's like I want the world to know that no, we had this great love and we had these tough times, but we overcame and look at what a great team we were.... and then she's gone. I know that she was ill and when it comes down to it, it wasn't her fault. It still hurts though and at times I feel abandoned and I'm worried about screwing up with the kids. They are my world. But man it is hard alone, especially when my youngest does have some special health needs. I may message you about seizures, I appreciate the offer.

[kae]

I just passed the 4-month mark with my husband's suicide.  I take one day at a time, pretty much keep it together most days, and then lose it either at night or when I'm in the yard alone with the dogs.  Just trying to survive...need to be there for my two teenagers as best I can.  Still in shock that he's left me alone to deal.

 

Insomnia, therapy, and numbness have dominated my life since he left.  I struggle to understand mental illness (I begged him to get help for over a year. He had good excuse why he wouldn't...I believed him...Now I'm just the fool)...I'm trying.

[First Widow]

Hugs to you both CJ & Kae!

 

It's been over two years now since my husband's suicide.  There are still moments that I can't believe that sentence can be true so I understand what you mean.  Time does soften the edges of the pain. 

 

Like both of you, I had to be there for my children first.  In many ways this focus saved me, but I did work with a therapist too because I needed someone to say all the things I couldn't say to anyone else in my life.  Those sessions and reaching out to other widows here helped me so much.  It was difficult for me to post back then but just reading the stories of others and knowing I wasn't alone was healing. 

 

We're always here!

[WifeLess]

CJ92 and kae,

 

Welcome to Young Widow Forum.

 

Something that I learned shortly after my wife’s suicide 8 years ago and that I have posted about a number of times since:

 

The psychological trauma of the SOS (survivor of suicide) of a loved one is classified among the most extreme that a person may ever experience. And this is made even worse when that suicide is of one's spouse, whose death is ranked as the single most emotionally stressful event in an adult's life.

 

For more posts about suicide loss, you may want to check out the Specific Situations section below. Sorry for the traumatic loss that brought you here.

 

--- WifeLess