Adley Posted September 9, 2017 Share Posted September 9, 2017 I " like" every post on here. Not because I necessarily agree, but because I see the viewpoints. I'm sorry I haven't commented when I've seen other injustices, particularly when people's grieving has been undermined by semantics, as in defining and judging widowhood and religion and morality in particular, but if I had to address every injustice or opinion I didn't agree with every day IRL I'd be beyond exhaustion. By the way OP, I'm sure you never meant to open this whole can of worms, there may have been more worms in it than we thought! Which, if you're fishing, is a good thing. I guess we're fishing for opinions and affirmation, mostly. It can be a tricky business. If I catch something I don't want, I throw it back, use it in the garden, or feed it to the cat. I'm not a big fan of labels, but if anyone wants to throw some on me, be my guest! Vent! It won't hurt my feelings a bit, because I genuinely want to be friends and see if we can all help one another. Here are a few ice breaking categories for anybody who has a need to label. And I recognize that as a legitimate need. I'm a little over half "white". I don't expect most to believe that based on my photo, but my calico cabbage patch kid family should attest to the truth. Thank you, Louisiana. I'm basically Jewish in my beliefs, which understandably ostracizes me from much of my rural southern protestant community. Judge me! I think the right/left paradigm is a joke, which leads me to somewhere around libertarianism, which further complicates conversation with friends in my community. Judge me! I like to pull a cork (courtesy of ramped up alcohol dehydrogenase enzyme, inherent in my particular branch of the human family tree) which may lead to me posting when I shouldn't and not posting when I should. But hell, I enjoy it (the alcohol). Again, judge if you wish. I found you all at two and a half years into widowhood. Life had thrown me down and put its foot on my neck. Not just widowed, but recently divorced (feel free to judge again). This WHOLE group helped me, even posts that hurt my feelings and/or hurt the feelings of others. I want to thank each and every one. We have a life changing event in common that very few physically around us have. Being humans with different experiences we naturally have different perspectives. I have seen a gem of something good in every post. Yes EVERY post. It's there, but you might have to dig for it. If we all start taking sides life is gonna suck that much more. Peace and harmony to all, and don't forget, if you don't like it, feed it to the cat! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rifatheroffour Posted September 9, 2017 Share Posted September 9, 2017 AMEN Adley! I've been trying to determine how to respond to this thread. I am one of those nearly 5 years out now, I read often but rarely post anymore. Life is hectic, messy and just too damn busy most days, my need to be cocooned from the world and focus on sharing my feelings or validating others has been overshadowed by my need to survive work and 4 children. Like many I think about responses even type some out but others have said what I was thinking so I delete. It is occurring to me that that may be part of the problem. Not enough voices echoing reasonable civil discourse can lead to those occasional posts that may appear insensitive or an overreaction to drown out the fact that we are all linked by one lousy event in life and we don't all have to agree on everything. We will have different approaches to life and what we think should work for others may not always be the case. I have been blessed with meeting some of the most wonderful people in my life now through this board and ywbb. I am far from perfectly aligned with all of them, religiously, politically or socially. But I can get along with them and accept them for who they are and what they have survived. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Trying Posted September 9, 2017 Share Posted September 9, 2017 We are all here because we share one thing in common. We have lost the person we chose to love body and soul and share our lives with. If you identify yourself as a widow/er than for the purposes of this group you are. Legal rights are a different story that while they may complicate the grieving process they aren't the main focus here. If there was a thread about the complications of unmarried widows I would not participate because I have no experience to share, that doesn't mean I would judge. My religious, political and cultural backgrounds make up a big part of who I am. This doesn't mean I am not open to people coming from a different viewpoint. I sometimes learn something new, look at things differently or just scroll past if I don't agree. The tendency for some individuals to shout out "my way is right and yours is wrong!" gets frustrating and limits the openness of conversations. When I share my experience or opinion it is just that, mine. I do not pretend to know what is best for you so please don't pretend you know what is best for me. Do not think you can speak for me because we are of the same gender, race, religion, sexual orientation or political leaning. Do not make assumptions about me based on these labels and I promise to not make assumptions about you. Speaking about the importance of acceptance while refusing to accept someone who disagrees with you is hypocritical. That's my 2 cents. Let's get back to supporting each other. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jess Posted September 9, 2017 Share Posted September 9, 2017 As a reminder, any time someone is bothered by a post they can report it to us. Each report is discussed by the moderator team and acted on accordingly, whether it is privately speaking to someone about their post, issuing a warning, or letting the reporter know that we do not feel moderator action is warranted with an explanation of why we came to that conclusion. We love this community and volunteer our time to support it the best we can. While at least one moderator is online every single day, this doesn't mean that we will always catch every time someone says something that could be out of line nor are we interested in being heavy handed and stopping disagreements that the community can resolve organically. That said, a disagreement and trolling behavior are two separate things, and the latter is what should be reported to us if you see it so we can determine how we think it should be handled. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Abitlost Posted September 9, 2017 Share Posted September 9, 2017 Cool. I'm out. Best of luck to you all. Wait...what? No! TooSoon come back! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Abitlost Posted September 9, 2017 Share Posted September 9, 2017 TooSoon I've followed and been active on this board and its predecessor All I can say is "I'm sorry but really?" this tirade is why people dont post OOT, I can't for the life of me figure out the justification for this post. In all the years TS has been posting, she has been one of our most thoughtful, composed, and heartfelt members. I feel your comment here is misguided and uncalled for. abl Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BrokenHeart2 Posted September 9, 2017 Author Share Posted September 9, 2017 A lot of great responses to my original question, thanks folks!! Before this has a chance to go off the rails again I am requesting one of the moderators to please close this thread to anymore posts. I hope everyone has a nice rest of their weekend. Hugs Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bunny Posted September 9, 2017 Share Posted September 9, 2017 Wait- one more please! Here's the thing about (non)belief systems- when someone disagrees with us, that act in itself can feel like hostility sometimes. Take for example my vegetarianism. When people find out about it, there are the curious, the derisive, the angry, and the kindred spirits. (Sound familiar?) None of these reactions/feelings have anything whatsoever to do with me. They are a reflection of how that person already feels about stuff. It's annoying to deal with the negativity and the feeling attacked, but I had to stop taking it so personally for my own sanity. I think sometimes we just need to alter our thinking about stuff. Like, I used to be really annoyed dealing with drivers who were trying to get to their destination like it was the Indy500. Sometimes their selfish behaviors made me super angry. But then one day I decided to imagine those race car drivers were rushing somewhere really important- like their first child's birth or their mother's deathbed. So now, instead of being angry, I wish them only good thoughts as they speed away from me. So- for example- when you see someone giving a 'warning: Christian content ahead' instead of feeling sad or ashamed by it, remind yourself that the OP is just trying to be gentle with others here who are incredibly angry at their God and might wish to read/say nothing about the subject. They are just trying to save someone from an extra layer of pain- and where's the shame in that? I am someone who is not naturally an optimist. I have to work at it by forcefully switching a negative thought to a positive one and it truly has made my life easier when I manage it. I actually quite liked this thread even in all it's messiness. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jess Posted September 9, 2017 Share Posted September 9, 2017 I am locking this per the OP's request. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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