So you still call your late spouses family in-laws?

[Leadfeather]

I have a good relationship with my wife's family. They have been very supportive of me and my sons. And my mother-in-law came out and told me months ago that she fully supports me dating or not dating.

 

I am finding it strange to refer to them as Sister-in-law, Mother-in-law etc when I am talking about them to coworkers or when expecially I am on a date and the topic arrises. for example "What are you doing for Thanksgiving?" "I am spending it at my Mother-in-laws house." just sounds weird when I am out to dinner with a woman I hope to date. Does anyone have a different way to refer to their ln-laws?

 

As an aside. My inlaws were divorced many years ago and her father remarried. Her mother and step mother get along quite well so for years at family gatherings I have already had two mother-in-laws. If I ever do get remarried I might wind up with three. I think that might be a bit excessive. . .

[Trying]

Mine are still my inlaws. It can sometimes confuse new people to my life, especially since I have remarried. My current husband’s parents are both dead so I don’t have 2 MIL or FIL. My SILs kids call new husbands kids their cousins. I think it’s great, I’m happy for any positive family relationships.

[Julester3]

Josh's parents are divorced and remarried. I refer to them as inlaws still or late husband's parents.

[Toosoon2.0]

Now that we're remarried we have doubled the number of grandparents/in-laws and as we're both widowed there's the late spouse component as well x two. We have confused people time and again with not only which grandparents/in-laws we're referring to but also with talking about our late spouses.  Our late spouses' parents are a big part of our lives so this comes up often.  I have always preferred to default to in-laws rather than get into explaining.  If I didn't, I'd get into things like "we're spending Christmas with Andy's late wife's parents" and stuff like that.  In-laws just keeps it simple.  With Scott's Dad, I just refer to him most often as "M's grandfather" --- that also usually eliminates getting into it. 

 

Over time, I cared less about these things though at first it all struck me as so strange and surreal. 

[Leadfeather]

Over time, I cared less about these things though at first it all struck me as so strange and surreal.

 

I think that’s the part that is getting me, how strange and surreal it all seems. And I suppose overtime it will become the new normal.

[Virgo]

I'm very close to my in-laws too. They're all coming to my house for Thanksgiving. I refer to them as my in-laws, my daughter's grandparents/aunts/uncles, or Phil's mom/dad/sister. It really depends on who I'm talking to.

[Wheelerswife]

I number my MIL’s. I only keep in contact with MIL #1.

 

Maureen

[trying2breathe]

I'm close to my in-laws, and refer to them still as in-laws.  My kids are their only grandchildren, so we see them frequently.  Initially it's been a surprise to the guys I've dated that I'm in touch still with my in-laws.  I explain that our relationship continues even though DH is gone, and then it's okay.  I think it's great that your MIL let you know that she is supportive of you dating or not.

[tybec]

Good question and discussion.

 

Now I am in new relationship with NG.  Holidays are to be spent with him, his family or mine. Extended family are in different states.  He gets his kids limited time. We can't do it all.  So, the in-laws are becoming less and less to me and my son out of necessity to see our new folks in our lives, potentially step-family.  My MIL invited me and NG to the big family Christmas, but NG is not taking his kids to be with my late husband's family on his limited time, out of state, too.  It is hard.  If we lived close, maybe, but not the case.

 

My mil stills calls me her daughter in law and sends me cards with that.  I know it is weird for people to have me refer to her as MIL yet I am dating and unmarried. Another strange situation.

 

I like how folks here have made it work for them.  I think it  is most important to do so, find a way for you.

 

PS.  When NG posted us on FB in a relationship, not ONE in-law responded.  There are at least 50 on line.  NOT ONE. 

[arneal]

Yeah, this is a strange area for me as well, but not so much with parents. LHs mom was already dead when we met and his dad died the year or so before we got married, so no inlaws of that sort to content with. However, he has many cousins, an auntie and uncle, and his daughter. I am close to two of the cousins and call them 'cousin'; struggle with what to call his daughter as I have separated emotionally from her quite a bit. She is still mourning I think because she didn't stay in touch with her dad as much as she feels she should have as a daughter. I can't comfort her in that way as I lived through the worst of his illness and can't re-hash as I go on with life. She is about to be 32 after all. I tend to call her my former husband's daughter but occasionally say stepdaughter. It is weird indeed. I get a bit uncomfortable when some of the others call me from time to time. It just feels strange now that he is gone. I guess it's because I come from a small family and we don't really keep in touch; I don't know how to 'do' family in this situation ...

[Bunny]

I still say MIL and (step)FIL, but also- my late husband's grandma/relative for the others. Only one person has seemed overly confused by this- bf's SIL. She's divorced with zero interest in contact with her former in-laws so found it weird I still talk to some of mine. For me, the one thing I had to learn after getting into a relationship was to switch from saying my husband  to my late husband. Only took a couple times of using husband and boyfriend in the same sentence then some very confused looks on the other person's face! It all felt Very Awkward at first, but now I guess I don't really think about it. The New Normal.

[Abitlost]

Without hesitation, in-law.

[Leadfeather]

Funnily enough a few hours after writing this starting post I got a text from my cousin-in-law. She and her husband are in town along with their kids and her mother. I have known her since she was in middle school, now she has a kid in college. I have not seen them since my wife's funeral last year. Ended up going out for drinks tonight, caught up with her and her family. It was very nice.

[daysofelijah]

We are going to dh's brother's for the weekend after Thanksgiving, so my boys can hunt with their uncles. 

 

Idk, I guess I usually just say my late-husband's family. I don't really call them in-law's anymore.

 

NG still talks with his x-in-law's and refers to them as such. But x- doesn't quite fit my situation.

[Captains wife]

I wouldn't say I'm close to my inlaws but my son is and I always still refer to them as my inlaws, even with NG. I think it's important my son remain in touch with his Dad's family.

[arneal]

That's good that your son had a relationship with his dad's family, Captains wife. It makes perfect sense in that case.

[klim]

I've got inlaws galore. My LH had 10 brothers and sisters. I still hang out with them and call them inlaws.

 

I do a really lousy job of using the term late husband... I guess I confuse some people.

 

Maybe it will change if I have present husband and a late husband but right at the moment I've only had one husband so  guess in my mind I don't need an adjective to clarify which husband I'm talking about.

[Missmybecky]

I do call them my in-laws, they still are and they always will be a part of my life, and my kids lives. My LW has a large family and I am close with them, even though most of them live 800 miles away. I was invited to and attended their family reunion this summer. I use the term late wife more often than not nowadays but, it is, what it is, I guess.

[faye]

Outlaws. I call them outlaws. They're nice enough, but we're not close.

 

LH called his ex's family "the outlaws" too.

[tybec]

Mine are not "outlaws" but they are "we will do anything for you, if you move within 10 miles of us."  Nothing they said came true as far as help.  I was a widow with an 8 yr. old, and my LH was an only child to a single mother.  We could have used support, but not really offered unless in their territory.  Apparently common.  You moved away so we will be around but you come to us....  My MIL has moved back "home" and has tons of assistance now.  My LH had no plan to ever move back home.  Farm family.  But he was no farmer. 

[MrsDan]

They are my inlaws. As a matter of fact BIL is bringing his son over for a sleepover tonight; he and my daughter are close. My boyfriend is always included in their family events. He came with when SIL and I took our kids trick or treating. My MIL buys gifts for his daughter at Christmas. I'm estranged from most of family so after some water under the bridge with his mom, they are the family I'm in contact with see  most. I'm their family, so they treat him as their family too. BF has no issue with it all, i asked him once if he ever thought it was weird, and he said no, he just thought it was great that i have supportive people in my life. BTW, I also refer to DH as my husband. Only if they don't know do i say Late. With BF's family,when i tell stories that include him, i say husband. That will change if BF and ever get married but right now no one has a problem with it.

[faye]

my LH was an only child to a single mother...Snip...My LH had no plan to ever move back home.  Farm family.  But he was no farmer.

 

His closest relatives would be aunts, uncles, and cousins? 

 

The downside of technology and changing society is that we no longer expected or required to go into the family business. We are free to seek employment / lifestyle far from our nuclear family.  New Guy's children moved several hundred miles away.  Their children will barely know their grandfather and grandmother. If fact, his ex-wife moved across the country to settle here with him. She has no family here, either.

 

 

 

[twin_mom]

I too call them in-laws and call him my husband. I'm not sure what I will call him if NG and I get married as I personally hate "late", so people will probably just think I'm a polygamist.  😁

 

I dated a guy who thought it odd that I regularly talk to mil- but I made a promise to DH that I'd watch out for her and see is my kids' grandma. I took his uneasiness as a sign that he wasn't the right one for me (among other flags). NG is fine with any relationship I choose to have with people as long as it's healthy for me as in his mind my mental well-being is his priority not whatever they may need from continuing the relationships.

[serpico]

On my second date with my current wife, she mentioned to my one of my friends that she was weirded out that I referred to my late wife as my wife. It never would have occurred to me, but it bothered her and I understood.

 

It made no difference to my late wife how I referred to her in conversation, so it made sense to me to make the change out of respect for the woman in my life who was still alive. I’m glad I did.

[Trying]

I have recently started saying "late husband" which I had hated for a long time.  I tried saying "first husband" but didn't like that it could be interpreted as divorced or a choice that he was no longer my husband. 

 

I agree with Serpico about respect.  Current husband respects my relationship with my inlaws and late husband's presence in our family so of course I need to respect his role as my current husband.  I am also slowly changing my last name which is weird but he respects that I'm using my late husband's last name as my middle name now. It ties me to my 3 sons and 24 years of my adult identity.