So you still call your late spouses family in-laws?

[fairlanegirl]

I still use husband, or 'husband, who died' if necessary, when husband and boyfriend in same sentence I might say that, or briefly mention I'm a widow. just can't do the 'late' thing yet, after almost 7 years. He was just too young, and it consigns him to the past too much in my mind, when he is there very often. I know that is just me though. Maybe one day. My boyfriend has been with me almost six of those years, and is unfazed. I told him right at the start, truthfully, that he wasn't the consolation prize, and he has the emotional maturity to believe it. And the in-laws are still my in-laws, I feel grateful and happy to still be treated as family.

[tybec]

The downside of technology and changing society is that we no longer expected or required to go into the family business. We are free to seek employment / lifestyle far from our nuclear family.

 

My grandfather obtained his Master's degree in the 1920s. In a poor state with a family farm, there was not enough land to go around to make a living.  He started our family pursuing professional training.  My mother's side all went to college in the 1950s and so has my generation.  We have MDs, PHDs, teachers, nurses, bankers, mental health professionals, accountants,  veterinarians , business men, engineers, missionaries as a result.

 

My in laws are 30 yrs. behind.  But it is not pretty.  My MIL was one of 8.  The patriarchal system of her father led to the two favorite sons to obtain the farm land. Everyone else had to fend for themselves, and they have not lived as well or as easily.  The women needed to marry, so that made it very difficult for MIL to have a child out of wedlock. My LH and one other branch went off to college and live away, making livings for our families.  It was a necessity.  But, yes, it changed the family structure, forever.

 

LH only had cousins, aunts and uncles.  My son then is without any siblings or first cousins except on my side.  His great uncles and aunts are in their 70s now and older.  My son is closer to my side even with the distance as his father's cousins' kids' kids are his age range.  Just the way it went. 

 

It is a blessing to be close to your In-laws. But different dynamics change relationships for sure.

[faye]

"The patriarchal system of her father led to the two favorite sons to obtain the farm land. Everyone else had to fend for themselves, and they have not lived as well or as easily."

 

Yes, similar story on one of the branches in mine, too.