Missing the old me.

[imissdow]

Today is/Was thanksgiving. All 3 of my girls were home. The 2 older ones are doing well in college. The youngest made honor roll last semester. Life is good, I have lots to be thankful for.  Earlier this week I turned 50.  I started a new job last week and so far I really like it.  I've had lots of changes in my life in the last couple of years and I'm expecting a few more as my oldest heads off to a residential school to finish her college experience.

Life is really good.  I have some really good friends. I have a little bit of a social life. I'm able to enjoy some time off and can afford some simple trips. I live within my means , and have become pretty comfortable alone. Yet, with all the good stuff in my life I still feel like I'm missing something.  I can't say it's a guy, I'm tired of dating and for the most part in ok with being alone. I vollenteer plenty, so it's not really a purpose, I have that. I have fun with some regularity.  I feel like my life has lost passion.  I used to have so much stuff that I felt so strongly about.  Now I'm just meh about just about just about everything.  There is very little that gets me really excited. I enjoy my time with my kids but even that feels forced a lot of the time.  I get time with my best friends and I'm glad to see them but it feels really muted, if that make sense.  So how do you find your passion again. I wonder if I don't allow myself to feel because I don't want to be hurt. Yet on the other hand I really want my old self back, I liked the firey, outspoken , don't take no crap girl I was.  I miss the old me.

[twin_mom]

I miss me too.

 

I'm not sure if I'm protecting myself from more hurt, if I feel like life isn't worth the effort because it can all just disappear, if I don't have the emotional energy to invest... or what it is.

 

Sorry, no help here, just commiseration.

[ladybug]

I understand what you are saying.

 

I have a numb feeling about life now a days.  I have that feeling inside but I try and hide it from the world.  No one in my office  would ever guess that I have a numb feeling about life.

 

I understand your feeling all too well.  Thanks for sharing.

[donswife]

" I miss the old me "  yes , says it all

 

Sorry we can all relate to this feeling but thanks for the post

[Toosoon2.0]

imissdow - so happy to hear your little women are thriving!  They're pretty great, you know, as are you.  I stopped grieving the old me a while ago.  The new me is someone I don't quite yet know or understand.  I've just accepted that this is going to be some kind of work in progress for the foreseeable future.  One thing I know for certain, whatever "carefreeness" I once had, I no longer have.  I've become a much more serious person.  I guess brain cancer will do that to a person.  Anyway, just wanted to tell you I understand.  Lots of love to you and the girls.  xoxox