You've got to try and find the humor in it

[KrypticKat]

So as part of my process I decided to try online dating. Not in any seriously active sense but I figured I'd make a profile and see what was out there. Maybe just got to the house and talk to people and not feel like a circus freak for a couple hours.

 

I ended up going out on one date and felt absolutely nothing. And the guy was way too invested. And when I politely said I wasn't looking for anything serious he implied that maybe I was afraid of falling in love. Barf. Let me tell you right now I all too much enjoy the idea of love but a single date with a perfect stranger is not going to make me jump at the idea that maybe this is the one again! I know what Real Love Is I had it already. And now I'm getting messages from people that look like Ronald McDonalds pimp and I kid you not a guy who dresses up as Captain Morgan as a profession. So I've got French-fried pimps and alcoholic Pirates to pick from. I know my husband would be laughing at me right now if he saw what I was dealing with.

[First Widow]

This made me actually laugh out loud.  Online dating can be very, very entertaining if you don't take it too seriously. 

[jgib]

KK thank you.  It is nice to know it is not just me!

I have dabbled a little with the online thing.  Early on I met someone that turned into a very good friend, we are just not romantically inclined.

 

I have met with about 5 others, in the past 3 years.  There has either been no attraction for me, or for them.  Some get way to invested and into it before we even meet.  That totally freaks me out!  I screen pretty hard and just meet with the ones that appear to be a good fit.

 

I try to respond to all that message me, as I feel that is polite.  Many are what I consider too old.  I am 53 and many are over 60.  I don’t think I want to go there.  DH was 3 years younger then me and I look and act young for my age.  Don’t get me wrong, I am no cougar, but close to my age would be nice.

 

I think much of the trouble I am having at the moment is that I am quit heavy.  I gained after I lost my husband and have not lost it yet.  I keep thinking that someone will be able to see past that, but I think I am fooling myself now.  I am very open about it and up front but it seems to be a deal breaker when we meet.

 

I started to get my confidence back last year, took me over 2 years to feel that way, and the online dating gives it a real knock around.  I am very independent and maybe it will be just me from now on, but I do miss having a connection with someone.....

 

I have not been lucky enough to score a pirate yet KK, you are one up on me there!

[Virgo]

Hilarious! I haven't ventured into online dating. Facebook is as close to online dating as I think I'll get.

[faye]

Humor, yes. Although compassion isn't my strong suit, it helps to summon up a little bit of that as well. We don't have to date those desperate types a second time, though.

 

Many of the people I met were very, very lonely and sad. One man blocked me when I added him to my favorite list, so clearly he thought *I* was weird.

 

Your date sounds a little desperate.  Be careful how you phrase "not looking for anything serious."  It's a dating site, and that can be interpreted as NSA sex. I didn't always refuse a second date if I didn't feel anything, but I usually did. Sometimes, if a guy seemed nice, I might give it another try.

[kjs1989]

KK,

 

Haaa.  Thanks for making me laugh today. Yep, that's exactly what online dating is like. It's so hard.

 

 

 

 

[MikeR]

In theory, online dating should be great - what a convenient way to meet a large number of others interested in dating. In practice, it sucks. The anonymity of the internet seems to bring out the worst in us. There are (I'm sure) normal people online sincerely interested in finding a mate. Finding them takes sorting through all the less-than-sincere jerks (men and women).

 

What I found to be a better approach is a speed dating meetup. Here in NJ there is a thing called "8 Minute Dating". I think it is in other areas, too, but probably just densely populated places. I would search for "speed dating" in your area to see what is there.

 

The idea is you get to talk to 8 different people for 8 minute 'dates". It's grouped by age so you will date people close to your age. There is a social time before and after the dates, too, so you can meet more than 8 people in a given night - even others outside your age group.

 

The nice thing is that you get to meet a real, live person. You can judge their personality and intentions more easily than through some online contact. And meeting in person is WAY better than looking at a picture (IMO).

 

It took me a good number of events over several years, but I did meet someone. We're recently engaged.

 

Hope this helps.

 

Michael

[KrypticKat]

I actually met my husband online. It did take time to meet him but I did enjoy the journey. I think I can learn to enjoy dating again. It helps that I have ZERO expectations at this point. Again, I'm really doing it just to get out. I still have some healing to do.

 

I remember doing speed dating before I met my husband. Those were by far some of the worst and most hilarious events I've ever been to. I went with a girlfriend and we had such a good laugh. Unfortunately the selection of people was let's just say 'unique'. I remember this one South Asian guy showed up in a full purple velvet suit and coke bottle glasses. He owned four parrots. I'll never forget that seven minute conversation. Lol.

[jgib]

Hmmmm.....pirates and parrots, you seem to have a bit of a theme going! 

[KrypticKat]

Oh dear...I hope this won't become a trend. I get sea sick very easily. Lol.

[jgib]

Lol, that’s not good.......given the trend.....