Young widow at the 2 month mark

[Sabrina]

I lost my husband unexpectedly at the beginning of this past December, a month after celebrating our 1 year wedding anniversary. Some days I've felt productive and empowered, like if I can get through this I can get through anything. Other days I can't get out of bed, I miss him so badly it hurts, I feel helpless, alone, and buried under the paperwork and phone calls. I wish I could fast forward time. I dread pretending to be excited for my friends and acquaintance's who are getting married and having kids. It's hard to grasp the idea that he's gone and I'm a widow, but I'm hoping this forum will help me find others I can relate to.

[Julester3]

So sorry you are here with us. It's so early on for you but what you are experiencing is normal. Becoming detached to friends and other family who are moving along in their lives is normal because it hurts to see that they are progressing and that you need to figure out what to do next once you learn how to survive. There is no wrong way or right way, just what works for you and take your time, this isn't a race. Be kind to yourself and allow those low days to come because you release the energy and you can feel a little better. Hugs for you today. 

[Leadfeather]

I am so sorry for your loss. It might be hard to grasp but over time it will get better, not because you miss them less but because you will get stronger and more able to cope with the feelings of loss. Remember, he loved you and he wants you to thrive in the life you have yet to live. It will take time and you will have to do a lot of grieving and growing but you will make it through this.

[tmwenger]

I lost my husband 3 weeks before our first wedding anniversary. When I would see loved ones celebrating such milestones as weddings and children it hurt solo much. I couldn't imagine it ever not hurting. And although I still get a little sad I can say my excitement for them now does trump that small pang. But if you told me it would get better I couldn't have imagined it. Just let yourself feel sad, it's ok. There were a couple of baby showers I def opted out of and just sent a card. Those who knew me and loved me understood.

[Englishwidow]

My husband died 8 months ago. I couldn’t ever imagine getting to this point from when I was where you are. Bit by bit one manages to do things. You get out of bed, eat, lurk on the finges of this forum seeking solace in the posts of those who have gone before you. Time passes by and you think nothing is changing, but then you look back and realise there is an improvement. But you can’t be complacent and think you are sorted. One is circling the grief in an eliptical wobbly spiral. Sometimes you pull away and life goes on, other times the orbit touches the grief and you are back at the beginning. I used to read other posts and wonder how those widdas were so sorted and ‘grown-up’ whilst I felt incoherent and stuttering.

 

I was feeling pretty good, finally got job, got new relationship, sorting house, then at weekend spent all day inexplicable random crying, worse than had ever experienced.

 

The loss remains, you become better and stronger at carrying it with you.

 

 

[Sabrina]

Thank you all so much for your replies. It means so much to hear from others who have been here, and know that there is hope <3

[beth_krkswidow]

I think Englishwidow said it beautifully.

 

I am at almost 20 months.  I remember reading here that it would "get softer" over time.  I didn't believe them.  I wanted to drive off a cliff and I could not imagine ever not feeling the unrelenting physical pain.  The PHYSICAL pain is gone.  It HAS gotten softer.  I miss him every day.  I still have not moved his clothes, his shampoo from the shower, his jeans hanging in the bathroom, or the dried out flowers from his funeral.  But that's ok.  They don't hurt me.  I still dance with his picture.  But.  It has gotten softer.  I can feel joy.  I can smile genuinely again.  I will always miss him. I cannot believe I have made it this far.  But I have.  You will too.  Don't rush anything.  Sending you warm hugs.

[MR]

I think beth_krkswidow and Englishwidow have already said everything i could say. I am near 18 month mark. Don't cry for days or weeks now. Started with fake smile and now converted to real smile and laugh. Can't say want to live long as use to plan but at least don't want to die anytime soon. Take one day at a time and you will get better equipped to handle pain and grief.

 

Hugs

Manoj

[matts225]

Sabrina,

 

I am sorry for your loss.  I am at the 6 week mark since my wife passed away and some days are better than others.  I have been going to weekly counseling and that has been beneficial to me.  Also, reading posts on this forum has shown me that what I have experienced so far is normal-ish.  Hang in there and be kind to your self.