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I Don't Miss Him, I Miss Us


TheWidowWhisperer
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There are times, not very frequently, that I miss him. I know how odd that must sound. I had a happy marriage and loved my husband very much and very well. But while I think of him always, I don’t exactly miss him. What I miss, really really miss, is being married to him...

 

https://thewidowwhisperercom.wordpress.com/2018/02/13/a-house-is-not-a-home/

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I have had this same feeling. At first I missed her with all my being. Now 15 months out, I miss her but I miss what we built together as much or more. The trust and love that moved between us as we lived our average lives.

 

I'm new to this forum and not sure I'm posting a reply correctly but wanted to thank you for saying what you did. Missing a person seems so predictable and something I can find a way to live with, missing the life we shared seems unmanageable.

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I'm new to this forum and not sure I'm posting a reply correctly but wanted to thank you for saying what you did.

 

Welcome to our forum.  I think you are figuring things out.

 

My experiences are somewhat different in terms of missing my husbands.  I miss my first husband, but I don't miss the life I had with him - even though it was a good life. 

 

I miss my second husband a lot - as well as the life we had together.  I miss the person I was with him, and the excitement and challenge he brought to me and my life. 

 

Each different...very different.

 

Maureen

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"I feel so exposed"

 

I truly feel this!  I have never been able to yet again find that elusive feeling of 'home' that I once had.  I never took him for granted, but I also never knew how much of 'Me' derived from the 'Us' that we had spent our whole life building.  But it makes sense really.  The 'Us' we all miss is so full & intricate and intertwined into every fiber of our being.  How could we not miss the whole package? 

 

I can still have happy times of course, but I've never been able to have that feeling of ease and comfort in my soul that came from being loved and someone's partner!

 

 

 

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My whole adult life was wrapped up in my relationship with my husband.  I haven't missed him - brain cancer will do that to a relationship - but I also haven't found the same kind of terra firma and security I knew in my old life.  I don't think I'll ever believe in the kind of stability I had with Scott again.  It just doesn't seem possible to me. 

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