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Catharsis, writing this helped me get through today.


Leadfeather
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Catharsis.

 

I have started packing for my trip next week. One of the items I packed was a small amount of Christine’s ashes. As I look at them in their small plastic baggie, is it seems so strange that these grains of grey ash and white bone once housed her consciousness. With this base material she once watched a sunset, gave birth to our sons, held my hand, ate ice cream, sunbathed, and painted murals.

 

These atoms are now just atoms, she no longer animates them. She like Dante’s Beatrice has “turned back to the eternal fountain” through which all things were made. Leaving behind the memory of a relationship that, like this ash, is no longer alive and growing. This would have been the week of our anniversary. The week of her birthday. This is the second time these dates have come and gone since her death, the second time the earth has revolved around the sun. The second time I have had to face them, the first time I have done so when I am not in shock.

 

I mourn but I am also grateful. Grateful that God gave me the opportunity to have Christine in my life for whatever period of time He chose. Grateful that He has given me the strength to keep going. Grateful that even when we suffer, life can still be good.

 

Life is a gift. Enjoy the sunsets, and the ice cream, and the people who pass through yours.

 

This is not the end.

 

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