Peony Posted March 15, 2018 Share Posted March 15, 2018 For those of you who have had a child get married, how did you word the invitations? Did any of you mention your spouse? My oldest daughter is getting married in November and we are trying to figure out what to say. I love the idea of mentioning DH, but I worry about making it awkward. Thank you! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CJF Posted March 15, 2018 Share Posted March 15, 2018 My daughter got married in August. She listed only her and her fiancées names. His parents are divorced and it just seemed the easiest way. Nobody was upset by it but it’s a matter of preference. I would think it is ok to put daughter of (your name) and the late (fathers name). Good luck with planning!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bunny Posted March 15, 2018 Share Posted March 15, 2018 This looks like it might be helpful: https://www.bridalguide.com/etiquette/bridal-etiquette-qas/wedding-invitation-etiquette/invitation-wording-deceased-parents I think it’s perfectly fine to mention both parents if that is what your daughter wants, even before I was widowed I didn’t think it awkward or weird when a dead parent was listed n an invite. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Portside Posted March 15, 2018 Share Posted March 15, 2018 Did any of you mention your spouse? Peony, my oldest son was married about 5 years after I lost my wife. My son wanted both his mother and my now wife mentioned in both the invites and the announcement in the Times. The NYT wedding editor was very helpful and said this happens all the time. Her suggestion was thus: Son's name, son of Mr. and Mrs. Mike Portside and the late (late wife's first name) (Maiden Name) (My Last Name). My wife also walked him down the aisle. It was glorious. Good luck, Mike Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jeudi Posted March 20, 2018 Share Posted March 20, 2018 My daughter got married in September. At first I expected that all of the standard Emily Post Etiquette would be followed. I could not have been more wrong. My daughter and her husband didn't want any of that. Whimsical invitations, just their names, destination wedding on the beach by "online ordained" officiant ( a friend of theirs ) and there was so much diversity and thoughtful inclusion of other cultures and spirituality. It is ok to do things the way you want them done. We had an empty chair at the ceremony with a handwritten tag on the back that said "Dad" and the chair seat had another tag that said please use this chair. That way there was a place to honor him but the seat wasn't empty. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Peony Posted March 20, 2018 Author Share Posted March 20, 2018 Thank you so much to everyone for all of your sage advice! CJF - Thank you for pointing out that either way is appropriate & fine. I really do appreciate knowing how things will appear to others on the outside. Bunny - Thank you so much for the article. That was a great resource to have and be able to give to my daughter. She found it very helpful as well. Mike - What an incredible man you have raised your son to be! That is so beautiful that he wanted both his mom and your wife included on the invitation & announcement. I absolutely love that he asked your wife to walk him down the aisle. That says so much about his character! Jeudi - The "Dad" chair brought instant tears to my eyes! What a terrific way to honor your husband and have him be part of the day! I have a follow up question, if you don't mind? What was the hardest part of the wedding day for you? I'm just curious to know what I'm in for? I cry easily anyway (a good cheesy commercial will do it) so do you have any advice for the tears? At this point I perceive the hardest part for me will be to see my son (brides twin brother) walk her down the aisle. It breaks my heart that it isn't her dad. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Portside Posted March 21, 2018 Share Posted March 21, 2018 What was the hardest part of the wedding day for you? I'm like you, I get teary easily. Especially at weddings. At some point during the ceremony, the Bishop reminded all in attendance of those that could not be there. So he mentioned my Dad, the brides dear cousin and her grandfather and my late wife. Mentioned them all by name. Ouch. :'( A wonderful gesture but . . . Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sojourner Posted March 21, 2018 Share Posted March 21, 2018 At some point during the ceremony, the Bishop reminded all in attendance of those that could not be there. So he mentioned my Dad, the brides dear cousin and her grandfather and my late wife. Mentioned them all by name. Ouch. :'( A wonderful gesture but . . . Oh, wow. Yeah, coming from a good place, but ouch! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jeudi Posted March 21, 2018 Share Posted March 21, 2018 Peony- I should preface by mentioning my LH died over 15 years ago so my daughter and I have covered many, many miles of grief between then and now. There were many moments of tears and all related to this loss but most of the tears were moments and over and then laughter. For me the hardest thing is knowing how she feels as she moves through life and misses out on things like her Dad meeting her now husband, him not being there to walk her down the aisle or dance with her. i gave a little speech and talked about the fact that she and i have gone through a lot and how we are both tough cookies...(meaning strong women) and it is true. She was 17 when he died so she has graduated high school and college without him, met her fella, got engaged and now married. I always remind her that he is around to see it just not in the usual way. I've written a post about the day on here and the sign I got... Don't fear your tears. A wedding is always a day for soaking a hankie and this won't be any different but I suggest either a huge hankie or more than one. And waterproof mascara. xoxo Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Peony Posted March 21, 2018 Author Share Posted March 21, 2018 Mike - I am so very sorry that you had to endure that painful moment! However, I am so thankful that you shared that experience because you reminded me of how it had happened to me once as well. Now I can prepare myself for if it happens again at the wedding. Mine was at a funeral for a really close friend. During a specific part of the service the priest said the names of those that had gone before us. It was already an emotional day for me & hearing Tyler's name just finished me off. It was full on ugly cry at that point. I wanted so badly to run out of the church, but I knew that would only bring attention to myself. So I just stood there silently melting, flood gates wide open & feeling like a complete idiot. It was one of those moments of maximum emotional impact that you desperately try not to have in public, but couldn't stop no matte how hard I tried. So I definitely appreciate you saving me from being blindsided this time. I can see it happening again at the wedding for sure. As you said, wonderful gesture, but... ??? Judy - I went back and read your post about your daughter's wedding day and the sign you received from John. I remember reading it back in December, but the Hawaiian shirt took on a whole new meaning for me today. Everything you wrote really resonated with me, but I especially loved this line... "This life is like a puzzle and this piece fits here and that piece there and some of my pieces go into other puzzles and I don't even know why. Sometimes I can feel when this is happening. When a piece that fits in my puzzle shows up I am always surprised but never doubt its origins. It still makes me weep, the beauty of this and the sadness of loss." I actually spent the whole morning reading a lot of your posts. You are a very eloquent writer and I find so much wisdom in everything you write. I am a very deep & contemplative person, but I lack the ability to coherently transfer any of my thoughts to words on a page. So I am always thankful for those of you that have that specific gift and talent! I never want to miss an opportunity to say thank you. Especially in a forum such as this, you are putting words to what the rest of us are feeling, but don't know how to say! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jeudi Posted March 21, 2018 Share Posted March 21, 2018 Thank you Peony! And congratulations to your daughter. I hope the wedding goes smoothly. And that there will be lots of laughter in addition to the inevitable tears. Judy Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mac Posted March 29, 2018 Share Posted March 29, 2018 When my daughter got married in 2016, only their names were listed on the invitation. The only hard part of the wedding for me, was when I walked her down the aisle. I certainly was disappointed that Cindy wasn't there. The rest of the wedding was a joyous celebration for me. My son is getting married next year. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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