I'm back , broken and divorcing

[sudnlysngl]

Hi to everyone,

some of you may remember me, still the same name I had. Well I remarried 5 years ago, and now we are divorcing. Knew him (thought I did) for over 2 yrs, before marriage. He had been married once before, and knew I had been widowed.

Anyway, about 2.5 yrs ago I suddenly started getting really sick over night. I mean I woke up with really strange pains I had never had in my elbow and knee joints and the pain radiated downward from there. We had gone fishing the night before and I had caught a big fish, so I thought maybe I pulled a muscle or something, so I would give a few days. Well after a few days it wasn't getting any better and I had an appt. with my migraine headache dr. so I knew I could just see him with this. He sent me on to other dr's and for blood work, etc. I eventually was diagnosed with fibromyalgia  and the meds they put me on almost killed me. Ended up in the ER with kidney failure, and made it through that!

During all of this my NG mother was a freaking witch to me the whole time we were together, and she would wait until he was out of ear shot and say crap like, "you're faking it, cause your symptoms are nothing like mine." Oh, and his parents went to the same church as us, so his mom got a bunch of the women there to start harassing me. They would come up to me, and make comments under their breath like, "take a pill and quit faking it!"

Well within 2-3 months of this he starts picking fights with me over nothing, now mind you we are living in MY house. I wouldn't fight back, but walk away telling him to just stop. So he would stand on our patio screaming, calling fu***ng c**t, slamming doors, punching walls, etc.

I have never (other then my abusive mother) experienced this. Of coarse when he calmed down he would do that crap of "I'm sorry", and I just started shutting down.

Then I was getting sicker, and when watching TV sometimes just out of the blue he would make comments about how to poison  someone with stuff in their food or drinks!

I got really suspicious because the dr. couldn't find out what was wrong with me. Then the day before valentines I was told I need to have my back operated on, so on valentines he told me he wanted a divorce (which I was already planning), called me a f***ing whore, and expected to stay here, have me cook for him, clean for him until the divorce was done!

I checked the laws, we had a short marriage, so I put his ass out, doing a quick divorce, and now I am more broken than I ever dreamt possible.

I am in so much physical pain and packing my home of 25 years, have it on the market, going to down size, and back to grieving dh more than ever...

I don't know if I can ever trust anyone again, is it even possible?

[StillWidowed]

I am so very very sorry for all the pain you're going thru.  Both emotional and physical.  I'm so glad your ex-husband is out of your life.  It's now time to concentrate on you.  Have you considered counseling to help you untangle from all of this emotional abuse?  If not, I highly recommend it.  Of course, continue to come here and unload.  We're all here for you. 

 

When I was reading your post, I have to be honest and say that one of the first things I thought is that he was poisoning you before you even mentioned HIM making that comment watching TV.  Please make sure you've exhausted every possible avenue of testing. 

 

Right now stay close to the people you KNOW you can trust until some time and healing have occurred.  You did the right thing by leaving that man and his toxic family.  You're back to one hour at a time.  Remember to rest when you can and to stay hydrated.  I'm sending you much love.

[MR]

So sorry to hear what you have to go thru. I hope you will get better soon. Sending hugs take care.

[Wheelerswife]

Hi, SS. 

 

I remember you from years back.  I'm sorry you have found yourself with an abusive husband.  It is hard to be mentally strong at a time like this, but you are doing what you need to do.  You are not giving this man any more power over you.

 

Your health situation certainly is scary.  Perhaps you will start to see some improvement with the elimination of this man from your life.  It is hard to give up your home and your hopes that you had when you were in love with this man.  I have struggled with a second loss - not through divorce, but through widowhood again - combined with health issues.  It has taken me quite some time to feel like I am pulling myself together again.  We do it, though, the same way we did it when we were widowed the first time.

 

Remember to breathe.  Drink water.  Try to eat as well as you can.  And to quote Ann E - "Be gentle with yourself."

 

Hugs,

 

Maureen

[Mizpah]

OMG hon, that sounds nightmarish. 

 

He sounds completely nuts.  How awful to have the person you love change so drastically against you.  You have my fullest sympathy, and I'm so glad you're done with him. 

 

I hope you have some kind of social circle or support system.  When is your surgery, or did it already happen?  I hope you begin to recover physically and emotionally from all this, and find some peace.  Thinking of you so much and wishing for you only good things

[sudnlysngl]

Thank you to all of you, and I haven't had the surgery yet. I'm to busy packing up my house to sell it, and dealing now with him and what was suppose to be a "friend" hooking up and the divorce papers won't even be filed until next week!

 

I have lost all faith in humanity once again. It's so hard to know that I opened up my heart to someone, and this is what I got for it. Once I get the house sold, moved and settled, I plan to get the surgery, heal, then start counseling again.

 

I have the support of my daughter and her family, thank goodness for them. But for now the stress and hurt are soooo over whelming. I can't sleep, eat, and the pain from my back is sickening. Just trying to get through this.

 

One of the worse things is I feel so much hatred right now, and I can't stand that, but how does one not feel that when someone does this to them?

 

Anyway, thanks again to all of you for your love and support right now when I need so much! xoxoxo

[Peony]

Hi sudnlysngl!

 

I remember you from before as well.  I am so very sorry you are having to go through this.  My heart truly goes out to you!

 

Peace and love!!!

[ScienceFan]

:'(

I am so terribly sorry. You have just described the very thing I am terrified of experiencing.

I am so sorry you had such an experience.

I understand what you mean about wondering if you will be able to trust again.

Trust takes a while to develop again, but it can happen.

*sending hugs*

[sudnlysngl]

You have just described the very thing I am terrified of experiencing.

 

I always had trust issues, so I "thought" I had done things right. I had taken 5 years to grieve my dh, knew this man 2 years before I married him, and still got "royally" screwed over!

 

He was great at first, and still won't say why. At this point I don't care what his reason is because the way he was acting and treating me was reason enough!

 

I'm just ready for everything to be done so I can really start healing. But I don't know if I can truly ever let myself trust anyone ever again.

[arneal]

SS -- please take care of yourself. Know you have a caring community here. I concur with several comments posted already about staying close to those who care for you and separating yourself from that toxic environment. {{{hugs}}}

[sudnlysngl]

Well an update. He (the soon to be ex, jerk) said he would at the very least show me some respect and wait until the divorce was final before he even considered another woman, and he claims he wasn't interested in anyone else. Yeah right, I knew he was lying and cheating for months now!

 

Well he has been on dating sites for over a month, and I just threw him out February 18th!!

 

The divorce will be final on the 7th of May, at least I was smart enough to get this jerk to pay all the bills here and to sign an agreement to pay me back over eleven thousand dollars he owes me that  I set up on a time line I set up, the way I set  it up.

 

Then I close on my house on the 18th.

 

I do however believe in karma, and he has a HUGE debt to pay. Hopefully it will be due and I get to see it happen before my time is done here on earth.

 

I appreciate all of you reading and listening to my ranting and complaining, thanks...

[arneal]

Oh so sorry that you have gone through this sudnly. Yes, karma is a you-know-what. He may have hooks in him already ... someone he's met online (oh wait, he hasn't been dating though, right?  : ) will drag him through the dirt and back again and all we can do is pray the he gets flashbacks of all the dirt he did to you ...

[MR]

I agree with Karma stuff but the issue is they will be punished we don't know when but we lose our prime time of life due to all this crap.

Peace

Manoj

[arneal]

Very true, MR. However, as my faith practice teaches, vengeance belongs to the Creator, who will repay. Just like blessings, we don't know when they come. We must 'shake the dust from our feet' and go forward. We cannot continue to dwell on their crap but we must step into our own healing. It is when we dwell that our pain remains so strong.