My Greatest Fear

[Mac]

I've always have lived an extraordinary life, my greatest fear of re-coupling is living an average/everyday  life.

[sudnlysngl]

You are blessed to have had and extraordinary life, but average/everyday isn't so bad, when you have been to hell and back!

 

Sometimes just being able to be still and ok is a great day in its self!

 

I don't know if you saw my post about what happened with my experience with recoupling, it wasn't good. I am now cleaning up the mess of it. Thought I went about it all the right way. I guess in todays world there is no right or wrong way, so don't know if I can or will ever trust anyone again.

 

However, I am NOT saying to never recouple again, just saying be careful, and don't knock average , there can be fun and good times in average....

[Julester3]

I would initially agree however I think the "trick" is not to fear what could happen in a new potential relationship or to compare prospects to your partner. No person can live up to that or replace them and it isn't a fair comparison. I'll always love my husband and that won't change however I know I have the capacity to love and I recognize I feel the need to give someone what love and affection I can. I feel confident with the right person love can grow to love that person for them and what makes them unique/special to me.

[Virgo]

It's all about perspective.  "The best ideas emerge when very different perspectives meet." Frans Johannsson

[daysofelijah]

I love my average ordinary life. I love going to work three days a week at the local school, I love attending my kids various activities, and I LOVE snuggling with my guy each night on the couch.

 

Okay, I don't love doing laundry and cooking and cleaning for all these people, but the rest of it is pretty darn good.

[Abitlost]

Hi Mac, I think I understand what you're saying. You may remember my last relationship, which I recall describing to you that day at the coffee shop as 'good enough...for now'. I told you I knew I was settling but that I didn't think what I had with my husband was attainable for me again. Well, I'm happy to say after 4.5 years I am out of that one. I deserved more, and I am happy to say that I found it. While I would describe my lifestyle as ordinary, the connection I share with my new guy is extraordinary, as it should be.

 

You deserve that, too. It may take a while to find, but hold out for it!

 

abl

[trying2breathe]

Mac  I'm curious of your definition of extraordinary vs. average/everyday life.  There are interpretations of special and what is average to somebody might be extraordinary to somebody else.  I've been fortunate in opportunities and experiences, yet haven't thought of coupling with somebody else with these expectations. Please elaborate?

[tybec]

“I am nothing special, of this I am sure. I am a common man with common thoughts and I've led a common life. "There are no monuments dedicated to me and my name will soon be forgotten, but I've loved another with all my heart and soul, and to me, this has always been enough..”

 

 

Thankfully, we are all different. Hope we can have something worthy in the 2nd chapter.

[arneal]

I would say that I don't see myself as having had a particularly extraordinary life. Some days. Then on others, I open my eyes and look around and realize I am doing what I 'grew up' to want to do -- I work from a home I own (well, the bank owns it, but you know what I mean), I have two wonderful monstrous and uncouth dogs, I come and go as I please, and I found a great guy for my Ch3, having been widowed twice. I live life as it comes, knowing that the next moments are not promised. To be able to have the freedom (at least in time because finances are another matter lol), is more than extraordinary to me.

 

Not judging but hoping to offer my little perspective ...

[Mizpah]

My life is your fear realized.  And I've gotta say, it's really lovely. 

 

DH was extraordinary, our love was extraordinary, our life together was extraordinary.  We were the couple that everyone wanted to be.  Part of mourning him was mourning the end of that - it felt like being exiled from the land of gods and goddesses, grand adventures, and returning to mere mortal status.  I wanted no part in it. 

 

My life now involves a lot of mundane stuff.  My relationship has ups and downs and doesn't transcend the strains of everyday life - it's more earth than cosmic. 

 

And it's sweet, and warm, and comforting, and really nice.  So take comfort perhaps: disappointment and worst case scenario, it's kind of wonderful.

[Mizpah]

Do you fear not being happy with "the ordinary," or do you fear being able to be happy with "just" the ordinary?  I find your post interesting. 

[Mac]

I’m the youngest of five children. My parents both worked. I was given so much freedom and independence from a very early age. I did so many things on my own. I grew up in a beach community of Southern California during the 60’s & the 70’s. I got to do so much with a wide variety of people. People involved in so many different things, people of all ages, and people who taught me so much. So much kindness and generosity. So many unexpected things happening, from “being in the right place at the right time.”  I remember sharing some stories with a friend’s wife once, she said to me, “Mac, it’s not that I don’t believe your stories, but I don’t see how one person could have fit that into one life.”

 

Cindy and I got married at the age of 28. That vibe continued for us together. One thing leading to another, the generosity and kindness of others. So much spontaneity. So many amazing adventures, both big and small.

 

So far in relationships, with time, I’ve felt as if I’ve been losing that sense of spontaneity and so much of the “magic” and opportunities that come with it. That time spent with people from a wide variety of backgrounds and of ages.

 

[hachi]

It's sort of just the opposite for me. I had a lot of responsibility as a young teenager and couldn't wait to get out on my own. I had just started exploring the world when I met my husband, got married and had babies. I wouldn't trade our time together for anything, but now, in this phase of my life, everything is spontaneous and extraordinary. The big trips are planned, but I usually drop everything when I have a chance to go do something, or visit with people. It is too evident to me that today is the day. I might not get that chance tomorrow.

 

The only difference really is the things I find extraordinary these days. Which is pretty much everything!

[Mizpah]

So far in relationships, with time, I’ve felt as if I’ve been losing that sense of spontaneity and so much of the “magic” and opportunities that come with it. That time spent with people from a wide variety of backgrounds and of ages.

 

Do you also feel that way now when you're *not* in relationships?  I wonder how much of this could also be due to changes in culture, or if maybe you are changing as well, of if it is truly, as you seem to suspect, due to that exclusivity of a couple relationship (I don't mean not seeing others, but more that it's a little world of two turned away from the world toward each other in a way) and maybe you're finding partners who aren't as open to that or as adventurous as you/as you'd wish....  You mention being in right place at the right time.  Are you feeling not in the right place at the right time, or that these opportunities no longer exist, or that a partner prevents you from engaging in them?

[Mac]

Do you also feel that way now when you're *not* in relationships?  I wonder how much of this could also be due to changes in culture, or if maybe you are changing as well, of if it is truly, as you seem to suspect, due to that exclusivity of a couple relationship (I don't mean not seeing others, but more that it's a little world of two turned away from the world toward each other in a way) and maybe you're finding partners who aren't as open to that or as adventurous as you/as you'd wish....  You mention being in right place at the right time.  Are you feeling not in the right place at the right time, or that these opportunities no longer exist, or that a partner prevents you from engaging in them?

 

So far, with time, I haven't felt that same sense of spontaneity when I've been in a relationship. I do feel it when I'm flying as a party of one. I live in Denver, so there are many opportunities to interact with a wide variety of people. I do a bunch of spontaneous things when I'm by myself. The opportunities still happen when I'm single. I feel as if I'm in the right place, but perhaps it's not the right time to include that significant other. Or perhaps I just haven't met the right person.

 

[trying2breathe]

Mac  Sorry that you feel that you're losing spontaneity and that sense of adventure.  I think that with relationships  comes security, the loss of some freedom and with it the loss of some spontaneity too.  I feel fortunate that I've re-coupled with somebody that enjoys a sense of adventure and so far hasn't said no to some crazy stuff.  Maybe it is finding that special someone that agrees to join in on that kind of thing, and offering the invitation in the first place.

 

I'm one that's happiest with a variety of experiences, and offer them up to my BF which he usually happily accepts.  It's so easy to get into a happy domestic routine.  Is your SO not accepting of spontaneous opportunities?

[Peony]

"Perhaps I just haven't met the right person."

Mac, I really think this is your answer!

 

You are obviously still driven by that same sense of adventure & spontaneity as before.  The right person will only add & enhance those experiences, as Cindy so perfectly did.  I'm sure you have met a lot of wonderful candidates.  You just haven't come across spectacular!

I think you will though, in time.  Because that is who you are & obviously those are the kind of people that you attract into your life. 

 

 

I live in Denver, so there are many opportunities to interact with a wide variety of people. I do a bunch of spontaneous things when I'm by myself.

 

I hope you are enjoying the snow today!  I am so envious of this because I have the complete opposite problem.  I am extremely spontaneous in a relationship, but a complete hermit by myself.  Because you do have so many opportunities to interact with so many various people, the odds are definitely in your favor.  I sincerely do believe that you will find that special someone and be able to have that "magic" again!  One of these days, hopefully soon, being in the right place will match up to being there at the right time.