one step forward, two steps back

[sudnlysngl]

I'm not sure why but it just seems like since dh died 11 yrs ago that I can't seem to really get my footing now.

 

If any of you read my post in the other section I'm going through a divorce now, and it should be final in approx. 3-4 weeks. Now mind you he just walked out on Feb. 18th, so this is happening really fast. I'm also having so sell my home of 25 yrs at the same time!

 

When dh died, I lost everyone around me except for my daughter. It was like everyone abandoned me. It was horrible. I'm child #7 of 8 kids, and they all turned their backs on me when dh died, along with my friends. That first year after his death, everyone of our pets died, and so did my best friend, and my only sister-in-law.

 

Sadly none of these people who are still living have made an effort to come back into my life (I tried a few times with them, then stopped), and my address or phone number hasn't changed in these 11 yrs.

 

So tonight I am sitting here really feeling the sadness of it all. Feeling like it should have been me who died 11 yrs ago instead of him. Feeling like since he's been gone my life has been a complete cluster *uck no matter how much I try, like I'm a complete and total failure...

 

Can we say pity party of 1, and can someone tell me where the switch is to turn of these damn water works! :'(

[sojourner]

I can only say I'm hearing you, SS. I've had much loss in the almost 4 years since DH died, though of some different natures and not involving divorce. I get how it is to need to move when you don't want to (I had health complications, now resolved, plus the elder of my two sisters- my best friends- developed terminal cancer and now recently passed, and I moved to be in close proximity as a combined way of handling both circumstances plus some other elder parent plus offspring stuff- it's complicated, with lots of juggling of what feels like a million things). Am feeling extra raw on the pet thing, as yesterday I finally dealt with the inevitable and had one of our pets in very failing health put to sleep, as it was the only right thing to do by him.

 

I keep trying to move towards a life that's about living, not loss and death, but that's yet to come into being for me yet. I'll keep trying... there's no going back, after all.

 

Peace to you now, and may there be better days ahead for you, me and all of us.

[sudnlysngl]

Thanks, I know that a lot of my emotions are all over the place right now with everything that is going on.

 

Just passed our (dh and mine) would be 25th anniversary, his sadiversary (the 11th one), and the ng, walking out 4 days after valentines day after I was told I need to have back surgery!

 

It's like the crap storm keeps coming, and the tears gates are wide open!

 

I feel like I've pulled up my big girl panties so many times that they are worn out, and now I'm just going commando! At least I have a small bit of humor left for now....

 

 

[Wheelerswife]

SS - again,

 

I'm hearing your pain.  My pain is different, but still significant.  I'm 8 1/2 years out from losing my first husband and over 4 years out from losing my second husband.  Losing my second husband really felt like the world was going to collapse on me.  I assure you, it hasn't, although I truly wanted to give up at that point, especially with medical issues and a cancer diagnosis after he died.  I also have another widow friend who married someone who ended up being abusive to her.  She is out of that mess now.  She made a brave decision to leave him, cut her losses and start over again.  You can do this, too.

 

It hasn't been easy for me or for my friend, and I'm going to project that this won't be easy for you, either.  But you know what?  We are stronger than we think and stronger than we want to have to be.  You CAN do this.  Just like when we were widowed, it is a matter of putting one foot in front of the other and plowing our way through what has to be done.  Right now, that is all about moving, and getting this divorce settled, and getting yourself into a safe space physically and emotionally.  Remember the basics.  Drink water.  Try to eat well and sleep.  Get some exercise. (...says the pot calling the kettle black!)  Post here and vent and do what it takes to get yourself through the tough times if that helps.

 

Hang in there,

 

Maureen

 

 

[Trying]

You are going through so much with your divorce and back surgery that it makes sense you would be going back to all the losses you suffered in just over a decade.  If you need to run commando for a little while, you've earned it!  After you lick your wounds for a little while I bet you will go out and buy yourself a brand new pair of big girl panties, maybe a whole new style, and you will pull them up and move on.  That's what we do, like or not.  In the meantime you've got support here.

[sudnlysngl]

Thanks Trying, you seem to get "it".

 

I know eventually things will move in an upward direction, but right now it's all overwhelming. And at my age or for that matter any age when any of us are going through these struggles we don't need to feel pitied or patronized for what's happening. We don't always have a choice or control over what is taking place in our lives at that moment, but we do our best to keep going, and hope that there are others who can sympathize and empathize with us so we don't feel so alone in the journey we are on at that moment.

 

So some can know and understand, I have NO problem getting a divorce from a person who does Not show love and respect to their wife/husband. It's everything else that is happening all at the same time.

 

How is that old saying, "when it rains, it pours!"

 

Was just looking for some understanding and support. Again, thanks Trying you and Sojouner  got it!

 

Oh, sorry, had to come back and say thanks to Maureen too