Voice mails from the past.

[Leadfeather]

Does anyone else listen to old voice mails from their dead spouse?

 

I have about 20 voice mails from Christine still in my phone. Her name was taken off the phone number a long time ago so it is just the listed number. All of them are short and pretty ordinary. They are about scheduling issues and touching base during the day to figure out when we will both be back for the evening. One is about taking her mother to the doctor. Another about her going to be late home because she is meeting her best friend for a bike ride. My favorite is her calling me from the second floor of the house when I was on the first floor asking me to bring her the drill.

 

In all of them she starts with the opening line “Hey Hon” and they all end with “See you soon” I never noticed those stock phrases she used until she was gone.

 

I don’t listen to them often, because they are always bittersweet, and they get the tears flowing. But last night a dreamed about her and this morning at the office I was missing her so I listened to several and had to spend some time in a private office putting myself back together.

 

These voice mails, and her photographs seem like both blessings and curses somedays. A reminder of a life that was and now is not.

 

[tybec]

These voice mails, and her photographs seem like both blessings and curses somedays. A reminder of a life that was and now is not.

 

Yup.

 

Got a new phone as I had to do so.  I had my late husband's phone as it survived the car wreck. Yeah......  They could not keep his voice mail.  It was erased with a new phone.  My phone also lost all the phone voice mails when I turned it off.  My ring tone for my LH was my then 4 yr old saying, "Daddy's calling, Mommy."  over and over.  I tried to record them as folks here said you could.  I have videos, and I hear my LH's voice.  He had a distinct gravelly tone and was a classic rock DJ for a time and when shared on FB, so many people commented on how they recognized it and could hear it in their head with smiles and tears.  I have a wonderful video of my LH teaching my son to ride his bike. I am not home, and he talks throughout the whole thing, encouraging our son. It is a priceless video. I have  a video of him telling me and my son good night when he was at a youth retreat.  Emails and FB private messages.

 

I understand.

[Toosoon2.0]

I don't have voicemails from Scott (because I dropped my phone the toilet by accident when it fell out of my sweater pocket) but my husband was an artist and loved posting videos on Facebook.  I never archived his account so that I could go back to them whenever I wanted to.  They're mostly with our daughter when she was very young and I find them very comforting and grounding now - 5 years down the line. 

 

My last text to my husband was, "I'll be there as soon as I can."  It must have been during the hospice days.  To tell you the truth, I'm glad that one is went with the old phone.  There must have at one time been weeks of panicked texts like that while I was still commuting between work, hospice, our daughter's school, and home.  Those I don't need to remember. 

 

Pictures - of which there are thousands - just seem surreal to me now.  We were only together for just under 10 years.  There is a place for those memories that live with now me in our daughter, now 11, but I sometimes feel like the one who is a ghost - was I there?  Did that really happen? 

 

Because of my work, we were able to visit a tiny village on a tiny Croatian island three times in three years and it was beyond idyllic - each time we went I felt more and more in love with everything - my little family, my good fortune, the beauty of the place.  Those picture are still painful for me even now.  I find it very very hard to look at them even now - 3, 2, 1....cue tears in eyes.  But I am grateful to have known that kind of innocent, naive happiness even if it did not last longer than 18 months after our third and final trip there. 

 

Making sense of these sorts of things is, I think, hard for all of us in uniquely personal ways.  Hugs. 

 

 

 

[Wheelerswife]

Hi, Leadfeather,

 

I don't have voicemails, but I do have videos of my husband teaching.  They bring me back into the room sometimes.  Funny, but I see his quirks and mannerisms that were probably only endearing to me.  His phone is turned off, and I just checked my old text messages...and they are no longer there.  In a way, that is good, because my last text messages to him were me pleading with him to respond.  He was already gone.

 

That was a tough one.  Today is the anniversary of the day we met.

 

Sorry to hijack...

 

Maureen

 

 

[TheWidowWhisperer]

I don't listen to them but have them and initially went to great lengths to save them. There is also a video of him (toasting me at my birthday party) that was taken 2 weeks before he died. I think I've watched it once. I put the photo albums away years ago but no longer cringe when I see the pics on iPhoto. I disabled the Facebook Memory function as I hated those little surprises. I think of him every single day, but hearing him...that voice which was the very first thing I noticed about him...I cannot do that. It's funny the things I do feel are "him" however. I don't let people use the dishes we got for our wedding (22 years ago!) I like wearing pieces of jewelry that were his favorites. He is with me always. I'll see something on TV and think; "oh he loved that actor". Someone will mention a place and I'll think; "oh he always told me to steer clear." We were together too long and too much for me to decipher where I end and he begins.

[Julester3]

I wish I kept some but I don't have any saved. However we have videos of the kids and he comments in the background. Also his job has videos of him and voiceovers So we have ways to hear him again.

[soloact]

Hello Sweetheart

 

His VMs all started with that greeting. I saved them as long as I could. I hear you on the blessing and curse. The phone provider played all saved messages at intervals before I could hear the new. That was diffiicult. I asked friends to leave massages on my home phone. Nope! They have mobile phone sickness.

 

Just over a year ago the provider purged the servers. I never initialized the new mailbox. Now I get those amazing grandchild, no good husband VMs at home. I can hit skip message at home.

[Leadfeather]

Thanks everyone for your responses. It always help to know that I am not alone in feeling these feelings.

 

We were together too long and too much for me to decipher where I end and he begins.

 

I like this sentence and the sentiment. I am going to use it.

 

 

[First Widow]

We were together too long and too much for me to decipher where I end and he begins.

 

I may steal this too!  I still have the last voicemail my husband left on my cell phone.  I thought I would lose it when I had to get a new phone, but it followed me.  Just a quick message checking in two days before he died.  It used to make me cry, but now it's a sweet reminder at almost 3 years out.

 

[beth_krkswidow]

Ditto the hijacking of that quote.

 

Sadly I have no voice mail or video.  I can't remember his voice and that hurts