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rifatheroffour

Mother's Day 2018

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Wishing all of the Mothers out there a peaceful day...

 

I still find myself struggling with this day five years out now. I know I should do better at honoring my own mother and MIL for that matter as they both have done so much for us. Yet I have a hard time being present for this day as I think about what my children have lost and what my wife has lost out on being around for. This is one of the few days that just doesn't seem to get any easier for me as time moves on. Tonight or rather this morning I can't or don't want to sleep as though not doing so might stop the day from coming. This year it just seems as though it will be just another day and the worst part is that I really don't care. Eldest is still away at school, 2nd will be with his GF and her mother, 3rd has to work all day and my daughter and I will have the day alone together.  Neither of us really knows what to do tomorrow.  We were invited to my MIL's but they are two hours away and I don't want my 3rd son to come home to an empty house after work. My mother will be at my brother's which is fine but they are also an hour away so same issue there. I really don't even know if there is a point to my ramble but I know this is the place where I will be understood so thank you for "listening". 

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Thank you for your Mother's Day wishes, RIFF. Peace to you today. Father's Day has a similar effect on me.

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Posted (edited)

I hear you RIFF - this is a tough day all around. Just do what you and your kids feel like doing today. There is so much pomp and marketing around these types of holidays. I like to lay low - my mother is thousands of miles away and I'm not very close to my MIL (who is an hour away). I couldn't face doing Mothers Day brunch at my local club as it would be tons of 2 parent families (plus my son is a picky eater). Im having another widow and her son over later for brunch but other than that I plan to have a lazy, low key day with my son. For example - we are now parked in front of the movie Captain Underpants. Think I will have nap time after brunch.....maybe a little more gardening later (to finish the project started yesterday). A memory popped up on FB yesterday - 6 years ago my LH sent my mum and me to the spa in a limo. And then 3 days later he was gone....surreal. Wishing everyone peace and some downtime today. 

Edited by Captains wife

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Posted (edited)

I am struggling with the same issue today. My sons are young adults but I feel so sad for them today as they move through a world without that nurturing presence. Often when I am struggling I start searching the internet for people who have written about the topic I am dealing with. This article I found this morning helped me process some of my feelings. Please note I am a Christian (not always a great one and I am still pretty mad at God) but that is the worldview I am coming from when I read this. http://amysimpson.com/2013/05/mother-to-the-motherless/

Edited by Leadfeather

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2 hours ago, Leadfeather said:

This article I found this morning helped me process some of my feelings. Please note I am a Christian (not always a great one and I am still pretty mad at God) but that is the worldview I am coming from when I read this. http://amysimpson.com/2013/05/mother-to-the-motherless/

 

Thanks for sharing this LF.  While I've leaned on my faith heavily in my grief process, I have definitely sat " through another sermon...(responding) as usual: an acidic mix of anger, grief, and longing boiled to the surface."   

 

Wishing everyone comfort and peace today and always.

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Yes RIFF, I certainly get it.  Like SJ, I too feel the same about Fathers Day.  This year will be 5 yrs for me as well. DH and I never made a big deal about these days but the difference was we were together and that's what counted. My 2 stepkids took me for lunch yesterday and that was nice.

LF thank you for posting that link!

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I can relate as I still have issues with father's day. My kids are 11 and 8 so they really still grieve the loss of their father. They don't remember him but they know they are missing a father and have his pictures and artwork. This year I had the toughest time on mother's day. I have no idea why. I did think of my husband and how he would spoil me. Then I saw all the other moms posting pictures of flowers that their wonderful husband's bought them. Since then its been a downward spiral I just can't seem to find my way out of. :(

Eileen

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