Mac Posted May 21, 2018 Share Posted May 21, 2018 Sometimes if feel as if I should be wearing a placard that says "Run Away!" I am alright with that! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
trying2breathe Posted May 21, 2018 Share Posted May 21, 2018 Although I'm a social person and usually like to be around others, I find myself at times avoiding the crowd and ducking out of social situations. Like choosing to walk my dog in the morning on the route less traveled, making it more likely that I won't see many people. Not sure if this was brought about by widowhood but I find that I do love my alone time more and more. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mac Posted May 21, 2018 Author Share Posted May 21, 2018 (edited) I think that some widowed people are more clear on their goals, re-coupling is such a big goal for them and their energy is more focused on that. I feel as if they are more willing to do the give and take that relationships require. While we our all so unique, I do believe that some of us are more unique than others. That is truly a wonderful thing, but in so many ways we "march to the beat of a different drum." I've been in two serious relationships since I've been widowed. I do feel slightly bad that things did work out, I know that these women wanted things to work out. I know that they wanted to marry me. I am sorry for their disappointment. And I do wonder at times if this will be a re-occurring pattern. I married my first true love. I'm not use to things not working out with people. What a whole new world. Manage Edited May 21, 2018 by Mac 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
trying2breathe Posted May 21, 2018 Share Posted May 21, 2018 In my earlier dating years pre-marriage, I had lots of boyfriends and relationships that didn't work out. I met LH when I was in my late 20's and married him when I was 31. I had plenty of time to sow wild oats and was very ready to get married at that age. And now, widowed almost 5 years and a year and a half into a relationship with a great guy and I'm on the fence on whether to make it work with him. I have the experience of disappointments in relationships and don't fear that, yet am not sure if he's the one that I want to focus on. Do you fear settling down again? Relationships are give and take, but ultimately I believe a relationship should be a comfortable and easy place to be together. Do you fear breaking somebody's heart again? 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mac Posted May 22, 2018 Author Share Posted May 22, 2018 20 hours ago, trying2breathe said: In my earlier dating years pre-marriage, I had lots of boyfriends and relationships that didn't work out. I met LH when I was in my late 20's and married him when I was 31. I had plenty of time to sow wild oats and was very ready to get married at that age. And now, widowed almost 5 years and a year and a half into a relationship with a great guy and I'm on the fence on whether to make it work with him. I have the experience of disappointments in relationships and don't fear that, yet am not sure if he's the one that I want to focus on. Do you fear settling down again? Relationships are give and take, but ultimately I believe a relationship should be a comfortable and easy place to be together. Do you fear breaking somebody's heart again? I do fear breaking another heart. As I've been dating over the last several years, I've been hoping to find that "special person'" to potentially spend the rest of my life with. Now I'm not so sure about that, I do have serious doubts. I really enjoy being around women. I'm taking a different approach these days. I've been meeting some very interesting women through some of the volunteer work that I'm doing. Super intelligent, independent women, who are concerned with social justice issues. Women that like to talk about a wide-variety of topics. They've been inviting me to different events and have been introducing me to some of their friends. A whole new circle of friends for me. I think I'm going to go for the friendships first, take it slow and see if anything ever develops. Re-coupling and living with someone keeps on being less of a goal for me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Captains wife Posted May 23, 2018 Share Posted May 23, 2018 (edited) The good thing is that you know what you want. And it will be hard to match what you wrote that you had in your marriage. You cant "force" it if you like people you date but don't want to take it further - at least you are being honest with yourself. I too wonder about holding out for something extraordinary. I am taking the dating life at the ultra slow speed as I continue to figure out what I want. Edited May 23, 2018 by Captains wife 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Julester3 Posted May 23, 2018 Share Posted May 23, 2018 The guy I'm dating is divorced. The exwife blindsided him and I noticed he was also cautious. I had to do more encouraging and reassuring for him. Is he anything like my LH? He's got brown hair and eyes, is kind, and likes Star Wars but he is a different kind of person than my LH. After all the duds I had dating when I started, I was keeping my needs simple: respectful, intelligent, kind, and could find things in common with me. I find as long as I'm content, I don't need to keep looking. I would rather focus my attention on the good I have now. Do I worry about breaking NG's heart? No but I worry that now that I really like him that he could break mine. I know that would really hurt my self esteem. I had a wonderful, ideal marriage and I tell myself it'd be hard to match it and greedy to expect that I could have another one. So contentment works for me since I still have that widow issue of not being able to commit to long term plans not related to my kids. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Love2fish Posted May 24, 2018 Share Posted May 24, 2018 On 5/22/2018 at 11:39 AM, Mac said: I do fear breaking another heart. ... In five years I was in 6 serious relationships. It's always 2 broken hearts. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sudnlysngl Posted May 24, 2018 Share Posted May 24, 2018 16 hours ago, Captains wife said: The good thing is that you know what you want. And it will be hard to match what you wrote that you had in your marriage. You cant "force" it if you like people you date but don't want to take it further - at least you are being honest with yourself. I too wonder about holding out for something extraordinary. I am taking the dating life at the ultra slow speed as I continue to figure out what I want. A key point is said here, Love2fish kind of knows what he wants . CW it's the other people who want to take it further, and not him if I read all the post correctly. I think as long as he was up front and honest about not wanting that, and these women thought they could change him then got hurt when they couldn't, well then that is on them. So Love2fish, don't beat yourself up and feel bad if that is what has happened, if it isn't and they have been misled then be more up front in the beginning.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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