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So Not OK, Cupid


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I thought I found someone. I thought so so much that I took a giant (for me) leap of faith and flew 2 1/2 hours to see him for our 3rd (4th, 5th and 6th) date. There was some fun and some magic but he wasn't entirely nice to me (not mean, just that it was all about him...always...constantly) and certainly wasn't nice after I got home. It shattered me and made me think I've been mistaken about whether I should be dating at all...https://wordpress.com/post/thewidowwhisperer.com/155

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Ok, I laughed out loud at this: "I have pretty good taste in people (which is why I like very few of them.)"  

But also: it's great to be resilient and strong and all that, but don't minimize unkindness in (even potential) partner/intimate relationships for you.  Maybe it's entitled for us to think we "deserve" happiness, but it is NOT entitlement to expect/demand kindness.  Any person can endure some "small scrapes and bumps," they're just part of life.  Being subjected to unkindness is more than that.  It hurts because it's painful, and it should be, because that pain signifies to us to GTFO, in exactly the same way feeling a burn tells us to remove our hand from over the flame.  You DO deserve better than that!  If you want to be dating, don't let one @$$hole scare you off.  I'm sorry  you're hurting.  Big hugs. 

Edited by Mizpah
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WW, I can totally relate to you!  My mother was abusive to me, she pitted her own children (8 kids) against each other and I believe she got enjoyment out of that. I learned at around the age of 14 that my twin sister (not close to her, or any of my siblings) and I were a product of an affair she had and all of our siblings knew that, so of coarse that gave them even more ammo to be mean to me. Yet our "dad" (the man who I thought was dad), was loving and protective of us and didn't have to be. He knew the truth!

 

Watched dad die in front of me just 2 months after turning 13 and being moved over 1000 miles away from anyone I knew. This made my mother meaner and more abusive.

So I ran away from home at 16 and never went back. But it left me with the sense to NEVER trust anyone!

 

Was married to my first husband with whom I had my two children with for 12 years, then he started becoming abusive and I said NO WAY! I LEFT!

 

Struggled, working my ass off, getting welfare too so I could feed my kids cause the ex wasn't paying any child support and the state wasn't helping me to make him!!!

 

Then I met dh, had a hard time trusting him or anyone. He was patient, loving, caring, wonderful, cared about my kids, and oh so good looking too!

I finally gave him a chance, and he even adopted my kids as his own. Not because he had to, because he wanted to! Then damn it he died, that wasn't suppose to happen...

I was happy, a happy person, able to make friends easily and not so guarded like I used to be, but now everyone abandoned me like I had killed him or something.

 

Then I thought after almost 5 years I went about it right with this last jerk off, knew him for 2 years before I married him. But damn it, he is a  hell of a manipulator and a psychopath!

I got taken! I don't think I will ever trust anyone ever again, how can I?

 

This is now 11 years out for me, I just don't think I have it in me to trust anyone again, I just don't. It's just unbelievable how nasty and ugly so many people have become....

Just want you to know WW, You are not alone sister!!!

Edited by sudnlysngl
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When I read stories of online dating I look back at what I went through.  The first guy I communicated with was very complimenting.  To make a long story short he turned out to be a scammer.  The picture on the dating site was NOT him.  How did I find this out?  Education and finally paying attention to his chats and the others that came along.  The next few were the same.  Talk about trust.  So I left the dating sites as I was getting quite upset with the prospects I seemed to be attracting.  Apparently the word widow means lots of money.  This one does not have any so as soon as the chats started in that direction I ran the other way.  When I came back for another try I changed my perimeters to closer to home.  I chatted with a few and actually met up with another widower.  Yes it was a public place.  Anyway, at one point I was chatting with 2 guys.  This one guy started acting strange when I asked to meet.  Apparently he thought I was interested in his money.  Funny I don't remember that subject coming up in any of our chats.  So I told him we were done. 

 

I struck up the conversations with the other guy.  After a month and a half of "chatting" he asked to meet.  I thought we would just chat.  After many invites to meet I finally accepted.  I picked a coffee shop 50 miles from my home.  I figured it would be far enough away and a place I may never venture to again if it didn't work out.  That 3 hour coffee date turned out to be a later date to a baseball game.  There I met his daughter and her boyfriend, his granddaughter and grandson, other friends and even his ex-wife.  This was 2013 and I am happy to say we are still together almost 5 years later.  We have met each other's kids, friends, siblings and everybody gets along great.  Now for the clincher.  This man treats me better than my husband did.  In the 5 years since we've been together we've done more traveling than in the 27 years I was with my late husband.  I am once again happy and I know it can all come to a screeching halt as we all know.  But each month on the anniversary that we met we say "Happy Anniversary" to each other.  I couldn't be happier.  As for life long plans?  He moved in with me 2 years ago.  We plan on selling both of our places and travel.  No plans for remarrying as it has financial problems if we did.  

 

One other thing.  He's widowed too so he gets it.  

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I know, online dating can be so tough. I too had some liars, creeps etc in my online dating experience. (My worst experience was actually through OK Cupid) I also met some very nice men though but it is hard to trust once burned. Wishing you all the best - I think online dating can be very successful but have to be very careful as well as (sometimes) have a good sense of humor. Wishing you all the best,

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WW,

 

Is there a way to place the text from your blog here on the Widda site so we don't have to click a link and go off this site? I for one would prefer that!

 

 

 

abl

Edited by Abitlost
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