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I just needed to express this... I am tired being a strong person!

When my husband died, he left me with two beautiful sons (at that time, 2 y.o and 1 y.o.). Looking back I felt like I never really grieved properly because I don't like my children to feel that they're losing me as well. I needed to wake up and smile for them. There were so many things that I needed to decide - motherhood, household, in-laws and work..etc.

 

But I am tired of being a strong person! 3 years have passed, and I feel like the rebellious side of me is starting to creep in. I don't know the extent of my pain and anger yet after my husband died.

I wanted to throw a fit but I don't think people will understand, or I deem no one will back me up because they will all think that I should have done it 3 years ago.

My families and friends believe that I should have moved on already and done with grieving. :(

 

Is this normal after more than 3 years of grieving? I know time will heal, but I think I am a late bloomer :(

 

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I am a bit over the three year mark and although we didn't have kids I do feel that rebellious side.

I think the true reality , even if delayed , seems to creep in at this timeline.

This is our new life and I just didn't want it to be the truth.

So be kind to yourself and do what you need ..pitch a fit , yell as loud as you want , do whatever you need to do.:)

It has been said before grieving doesn't have a timeline 

Take Care 

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I think people who haven't been through this don't understand delayed grieving.  I can relate to the early days being so busy with details and trying to keep things pulled together for the sake of the kids.  I found that people saw me as "strong" and felt a relief that there was no need to worry about me.  When things got difficult later I also felt I had passed the expiration date to lean on others or express my grief.  I shut too many people out of my life as a result, I suggest NOT following my example!

 

find a friend or family member you feel you can trust with the truth of what you are feeling.  I did therapy which was very helpful but I wish I reached out to friends more.  I often feel very isolated.  I have moved forward in so many ways that people can see, I moved, opened my own business, got married.  All great things that I am proud of and give me joy.  But there are still those times when I miss my old life, get angry that I have had to work so hard to create a new life, get sad that DH isn't here with me to see the boys grow up or help me with those tough times.  I don't feel that I can talk about it with anyone because they see me as being past the grief.

 

your kids were so young when you lost your husband, how could you not have moments of anger, sadness, self pity, exhaustion?!  We get it here, let it out when you need to.

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Thank you donswife and Trying. Exactly the words and affirmation that I need. Cyber Hug!

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12 hours ago, Yell120910 said:

I just needed to express this... I am tired being a strong person!

When my husband died, he left me with two beautiful sons (at that time, 2 y.o and 1 y.o.). Looking back I felt like I never really grieved properly because I don't like my children to feel that they're losing me as well. I needed to wake up and smile for them. There were so many things that I needed to decide - motherhood, household, in-laws and work..etc.

 

But I am tired of being a strong person! 3 years have passed, and I feel like the rebellious side of me is starting to creep in. I don't know the extent of my pain and anger yet after my husband died.

I wanted to throw a fit but I don't think people will understand, or I deem no one will back me up because they will all think that I should have done it 3 years ago.

My families and friends believe that I should have moved on already and done with grieving. :(

 

Is this normal after more than 3 years of grieving? I know time will heal, but I think I am a late bloomer :(

 

I found similar behavior in me. I was so religious and now really do prayers so i can relate to you. 

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Posted (edited)

My son was 9mths old when we suddenly lost his Dad/my husband. Im at six years now and still struggling with it - grief doesn't have a timeline. I think you need to deal with how you feel but maybe use of therapy will help. Believe me, I've let it out on occasion (anger, sadness) with people around me - and years after the event - and its tough for them to understand and deal with - although I personally thinks its fine for people to see me this way once in a while. You have really had a lot to deal with and process so be good to yourself and take time to grieve and feel less strong if that's how you are feeling.

Edited by Captains wife
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I quit my career at 3.5 years, partly to finally have the space to really grieve/ process all my life changes.  I think many of us with children "keep it together for the children" and in the process delay our own grieving. 

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