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KrypticKat

I can feel my heart again and it hurts

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It was surprisingly easy at first to go on dates. Mainly because I didn't feel anything so there was no strings attached. I was trying to be normal and just get to know people again so dating didn't really bother me as much as make me laugh how ridiculous the whole process is.

 

But recently I've met someone. I met him through one of my volunteer activities. He's a really nice, charming and funny guy. But he frightens me because I actually feel all of a sudden. He asked me out for a drink and I actually felt my heart race. Something it hadn't done in 2 years. And now I catch myself over analyzing and feeling things like joy and fear and discomfort I haven't felt in a long time. I don't necessarily think this is my next chapter but I'm a little Disturbed with how suddenly I Can Feel Again. It's almost like I had lost my sense of touch for years and then suddenly I've got it back and I don't know how to handle the sensation. Like puberty 2.0. Has anyone else experienced this?

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Yes, KK. Went through this about 3 yrs.  out.  A late bloomer compared to some.  At my church, a hot guy became widowed 2 years after me.  Our kids played soccer together. He worked where my LH worked, retired army.  He was just my type.  His wife was supportive to my son as she lost her dad to cancer as a young child and then she developed it and did not survive the 2 year intense battle.  I would look for this man's truck, cross paths at soccer, summer day camp, soap box derby things through our church.  I felt like a teen.  I text him he could talk to me anytime, which he never did.  It was uncomfortable, this feeling I had.  A friend at church told me I should pursue him, as we both were widowed.  What a story our church would have had!  Well, it never came about.  Ironically, we both put our houses on the market and moved last summer to other cities. We both just sold our homes after a year.

 

Another widow friend with a similar history to mine, one love from early teens, just started "feeling" again for a guy that lives down the road from her.  She is uncomfortable, also. She knows him, crosses similar social circles. He is not likely her type, she says, but she is feeling again, and, states she is glad to feel though uncomfortable.  Teen angst.  

 

I got a call from another widow I know, less well.  She started on line dating and it is a little over a year since her DH died.  She wanted some assurance she was not "crazy" as she is talking to a man 2 hours away.  All she was sharing, been there.  Must be pretty normal? 

 

Good luck with feeling again.  IMHO, better than being numb.

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Yes, and I'm excited for you!  I fully believed I would never have feelings for someone again.  I even had a few-months'-long mini-relationship with a really great guy for whom I had zero feelings, which only reinforced my opinion.  When I met NG (at two years out), I was in shock (for months?).  The first time I hung out with him, I excused myself to go to the bathroom and stared at myself in the mirror, kinda like, "WTF is going on?!"  I Can Feel Again is exactly it.  I know it's scary, but try to let yourself enjoy it.  As my therapist back then said, "Allow yourself good feelings."

Edited by Mizpah
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This is normal. I was totally like that when I started dating.  So happy for you! It is an alien feeling at first but when you embrace it, it does feel great! 

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Totally normal, I started dating and felt good about it but no real feelings.  I remember the jolt of feeling again as I was sitting with my date, playing a game of Scrabble on his patio.  Finished up the game and got the hell out of there, it was so scary.  WTF indeed.  That date is now my BF,  and it's been a journey for me to accept the new feeling.  Once you can accept this, it's great. Good luck!

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On 6/1/2018 at 9:38 AM, tybec said:

 

 

"Good luck with feeling again.  IMHO, better than being numb."

 

Totally agree. But it's just wild not being able to even control the positive emotions yet. It's so raw and unrefined this feeling. I never thought the day would come I thought my teenage emotional/romantic years felt less confusing. 🙃

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I've experienced something similar. I have some coworkers who like to flirt with me, and recently I actually felt a small flutter of desire- never thought that would happen again. It kind of is like being in high school again! I've had "crushes" on a couple of people in the past year, and it's very weird trying to navigate all those emotions again. 

 

I only seem to fall for wildly inappropriate people, though- I think because I'm not ready to love again for real. Nothing has come of my feelings, and I'm kind of glad. 

 

Good luck to you! 

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I have not dated, and don't see that in my future, but I did have a crush on someone recently. It freaked me out so much. I didn't think I was capable of such feelings again. Such a mixed bag of emotions. WTF is right. But I guess now I know that I am able to having human emotions for another person again. Definitely not ready for it though. This is a great thread as I'm sure a lot of us widowed people feel this way the first time.

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