Six Years Today

[Mac]

It’s been 6 years since Cindy died, time has healed much for me, there is not as much of a feeling of sadness today as there has been in the past. I certainly have been thinking about the events of the last 7 days of Cindy’s life, during these past 7 days. Three different people in the last three days asked me to tell them what happened, I’m glad that they asked.
 

I remember this morning 6 years ago. I asked the doctor if I could stay in her tiny ICU room as a team of 15 tried heroic measures for hours on end trying to keep her here, I’m glad that he allowed me to. Fortunately, with time, movies that have CPR being performed and/or a defibrillator being used are no longer strong triggers for me.

 

I don’t use this day to honor Cindy anymore, I focus more on her birthday and on our wedding anniversary for that. I am reflecting on the past 6 years of my life and on all that has happened along the way. I am reflecting on the past 6 years of our family life, so much to be grateful for there, my children are doing well and we are doing well as a family.

 

Time has healed so much. In so many ways I feel as if I am finally embracing my “new” life, rather than just accepting it.

 

 

Like

[Bunny]

Your grace through grief has always been a blessing for me to witness over the years. Thank you for continuing to share your journey here with us. 

[Mac]

7 hours ago, Bunny said:

Your grace through grief has always been a blessing for me to witness over the years. Thank you for continuing to share your journey here with us. 

Thank you for your kind words Bunny.

[Mac]

I spent the day by myself. I drove up into the mountains. Driving by myself on beautiful roads is always so meditative. I went up to my in-laws land at 10,000'. It's up on Independence Pass, for anyone that is familiar with Colorado. They have 90 acres there. There is a place on the land that I've always been drawn to. It's so peaceful, beautiful and magical. After Cindy died, that was one of two places (the other one was on top of Mt. Fuji) that I sprinkled some of her ashes. I went there today and meditated. So many memories and thoughts today. I did feel close to Cindy all day. I did share thoughts with her. And sadness was never a part of the day, I am a little bit surprised.

[Captains wife]

Just passed 6 years myself - thank you for sharing...what a beautiful way to spend the day. Its interesting how we each honor them in our own way (e.g. I always do something with my son on the sadiversary but no longer on his bday or our wedding anniversary - although we do think about him a lot  on those days). I love how you said you are finally embracing your new life. Its something I'm really, really trying to do but sometimes really struggling to get there, even after 6 years.

[Mac]

I was easily pleased and easily amused before, things are off the charts now in that department. Things that might have irritated me before, don't bother me now at all. I don't take things personally as much, even with others think that I should. That sense of self, and of what is most important to me, has increased so much. Such a strong sense of being at peace!

[Eddienhp]

On 6/14/2018 at 11:27 AM, Mac said:

Time has healed so much. In so many ways I feel as if I am finally embracing my “new” life, rather than just accepting it.

 

I love this. This is exactly where I am.

[Mac]

8 hours ago, Eddienhp said:

 

I love this. This is exactly where I am.

I'm glad to hear that @Eddienhp I remember how happy I was, when I felt as if I was finally able to accept this new life. I was doing what I thought was best at the time, and perhaps what I thought that I was supposed to do in my mind. It was nice not to feel very much sadness anymore.

But there has been such a huge shift over the past 6 months. Being a bit more proactive on making even more cool things happen. Worrying even less about my future. Feeling so very optimistic about my future, whatever it might be!