First BirthdayWithout Him

[KimberlyMarie88]

It will be 10 weeks 3 days tomorrow on my 30th Birthday. I can NOT stop crying, and remembering my last birthday with him. I will not be working that day, and I'm sure I'll be alone crying the majority of the day by myself. Everyone keeps asking me what I'm going to do for my "Dirty Thirty" birthday. It makes me so ANGRY that everyone thinks I'm normal when I'm so far from normal. I'm having to continue living and aging without him. I'm trying to keep myself from falling down a hole I can't climb out of. I stay busy all the time, but it's when I'm alone the pain starts rolling in. How do I survive this and Holidays without him? I see how people have gone YEARS without their loved ones, and I just can't see it nor do I want to.

[BrokenHeart2]

Hi KM88, I too remember my first birthday and people sending birthday wishes and I just thought WTF are you crazy?  They don't know.  They don't want to know and they don't want to see you hurting.  I know that doesn't help, at least it didn't help me at the time.  Maybe it's not a bad thing to feel the pain.  Go through it and try not going around it.  Yes it is deeply painful, I didn't even realize that a pain this excruciating existed. A statement that helped me was "if you're going through hell, just keep going". It's a good thing you took a day to yourself tomorrow.  Be gentle with yourself.

Hugs to you.

[rifatheroffour]

KM88, I honestly can't remember my first birthday without her but mine came a full 9 months after she died and daily feelings of what pain I was going through had already changed much by then. I had already been through 4 kids and her birthday. What I do remember is feeling numb on those days as others around me tried to celebrate. I participated for the sake of my kids but invariably found a quiet moment to fall apart at some point. Similar to BH2 I had a friend remind me to honor the feelings of pain I had and just let them wash over me and get to the other side. These emotions demand to be dealt with one way or another, I chose to let them hit me head on and eventually they get easier to accept.

[KimberlyMarie88]

Thank y’all for reaching out to me. I cried the majority of the morning and stopped once my head started hurting. I thankfully had a friend who didn’t go to work that day and she spent the day with me. I’m sorry y’all have been through this too.