My story-almost a month in

[shayla]

June 27th I lost my husband in a work accident. I don't have all the details yet since it is under OSHA investigation and I was only told the basics when the maintenance secretary came to my house to tell me he was being taken to the hospital. My husband was an electrician and worked at a production facility doing maintenance work. That day he had been installing new lights and got electrocuted and then fell about 25 feet. People keep asking me things like why was he working with the power on and why wasn't he tied off and telling me the rules on such things. I wonder the same but I just don't know. OSHA says I will receive a full report once they finish their investigation, but that could take up to six months. I did get his medical records and that answered some questions I had and helped with some guilt. I had texted him and was worried I got him electrocuted. but the time the ambulance was called was before my text and when I got his phone back he never saw the last text so that helped some. I was texting to remind him he needed to leave a bit early to make a Dr.'s appointment that day. I don't know if he got in a hurry to finish up so he could leave and made a mistake or what happened. I hate thinking he died alone and my kids and I didn't get to be with him, but after reading the medical records I realize he was gone probably before he hit the floor ( I really hope so) and that everything that was done was in an effort to bring him back and I couldn't have gotten there in time to say goodbye.

 

My husband and I had two kids a girl who is 15 and a boy who just turned 12 last week. His birthday was really hard being that close to his father's death, but we made it through it and made the best day we could for him. Everyone keeps asking how we are doing and I just kept saying ok. The truth is I don't know how we are doing yet. We are here doing the best we can but we are mostly just trying to get through the days right now.

[Portside]

Shayla, please accept my deepest sympathies on the loss of your dear husband. You are doing all the right things - just getting through the days is a huge accomplishment at this time. If I may be so bold, one small word of advice - when someone you know offers to help in some way, say "Yes" and, if needed, give them a bit of direction if you can. For example, when someone says something like "Can I help in any way?", say " Yes, thank you. Could you please mow the front yard.?" Many folks truly want to help but have no idea of how they can. A concrete task may help them help you and your family. 

 

Try to take care of yourself too. It's hard of course, but it is helpful.

 

Again, so sorry to hear of your loss.

 

Best wishes - Mike

[shayla]

Thank you Mike. I have been trying to let people help, unfortunately, I have already discovered that some people don't actually mean their offers of help, which makes me hesitate to ask anyone else. I will try to remember that others are genuine.

 

[Julester3]

Sorry for your loss. Sudden deaths are hard because I find we try to think of what could have been done to prevent them. The answer is honestly nothing because we can't control it. Just thinking of you, Shayla. Sounds like you're still in that shocked, numb phase where you are still processing the events and life just seems surreal.

 

Telling people, "okay" is absolutely fine. It's a generic answer, it's a polite answer, and for some of us, we don't know where we are on the scale of how we truly feel on any given day. I spent a lot of time in the beginning making sure my kids were okay and processing so they could move forward. Then I worked on myself and made us work like a team so we can check and balance one another since we became a family of 3, an odd number. I used some help in the beginning but ended up wanting to us to learn to be better self sufficient so pretty much never used any offers after my decision was made. It's great when offers are genuine but also don't feel like you need to if you don't want to.